Jump to content

Torn Between Two: Please Help!!!


FlipAngel84

Recommended Posts

I'm torn between two very different men I have dated in the past, and still keep in touch with. Both have expressed interest in reuniting in the future. I love them for very different reasons, and each offer different things to the relationship. But I'm so torn over which is "cake batter," and which is merely "icing on the cake." Input please!

 

Man #1: My best male friend of six years, dated twice, didn't work, mainly due to poor timing (one or the other still hearbroken over recent breakup with another person) We have tons of similarities in terms of "topics" like taste in music (both love acoustic/folk/jazz), playing musical instruments, artsy (I write; he paints), love the same tv shows and movies. Yet...he's a bit moody, gets worked up easily (which is hard for my easily-anxious personality), unambitious/lazy (college grad, yet works for 9 bucks an hour and lives with parents), and a bit selfish at times. So we can laugh and play around for hours, we have amazing chemistry/attraction, but when it comes to money, career goals, etc....he's far behind. And his easily-irritable personality is bothersome to my issues with anxiety/overreacting. He doesn't know how to handle my anxiety very well.

 

Man #2: Met in 2006, dated for nearly two years. We have little in common in terms of tastes in music (he loves rock/top 40, i prefer acoustic/folk with good lyrics and melody), sense of humor (he's straightforward/simple, i'm witty/sarcastic), talents (he's an engineer who can't spell lol, i'm a writer who hates math). He loves seafood; I loathe it.

Yet, what has always attracted me to him is his generous spirit, warm heart, loyalty to family/friends/girlfriend (me at one time). While his laid back personality often irked my Type A/anxious self...I also realized he was a calming force in my life. He was very good at listening to me, and trying to help calm me down. Hell, I initiated most of our fights, yet the next day, who was the first to apologize and extend their heart? Why him, of course. I was too proud/stubborn usually...I regret that. We do have some similar interests, such as a love for wine, adventurous traveling (versus pampered/luxury), and a love for children and animals. At the end of the day, his selfless spirit and respect for his family make me want to be a better person to my own self and family.

 

So, I guess my question is: how do I know which traits are most important in a long-term relationship? Some of the traits above may be good for fun dating, but when it comes to lasting love and marriage...which is best?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It always comes down to which one you see yourself being with. Marrying. Fathering your children. The man you see your whole future with. If this seems like an impossible decision, maybe neither one of them is the right one. You shouldn't waste other peoples' times, and most importantly...never waste your own. Go with what feels right.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

oh and i think #1...always go with the first answer...plus you mentioned him first. There must be a reason. But then i could be totally wrong, because everything is usually backwards with me. If i need to go north and i think i am going the north, i could be going south even though i had a feeling i was going the wrong way...i keep going the wrong way til i find out for sure. So try #1 lol, sorry for the confusion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There was no unconscious reason behind placing guy #1 first...other than I've known him longer/met him first. Guy #1 is like my personal interests/hobbies soulmate, but tends to be a selfish/unambitious person, and not very good at handling arguments in our times we've dated. Our relationship is fun, humorous, flirtatious, passionate.

 

Guy #1 has little in common with me in terms of music/movies/favorite foods, all that good stuff. He's logical, I'm emotional. He's laid back, I'm more anxious. Yet, sometimes these qualities really complement each other; he makes me want to be a better person, at the end of the day. He inspires me. And is really good at calming me down when I'm upset. But, we don't have a lot of shared interests. But, there is love, attraction, respect, and loyalty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How to Choose Between Two Guys
How to Choose Between Two Guys

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...