Ex contact, dating matters, and looking towards the future

[spazmy]

Hello People,

 

It has been two years now, precisely. I came here, after being dumped to share my horrible experiences withdrawal symptoms, the worst possible rebound feelings (for ex's best friend), the pain of sharing my workplace with my ex, being hurt and humiliated by my colleagues, foreign country etc. etc. You can see the details of everything from my earlier postings

 

So it took me about two years to clean up my act, and start looking forward to a future.

 

Have met a number of women. They were all nice people. But somehow I never seem to find somebody who is going to fill the void within me. If these women are beautiful, they are not as interesting to talk to as I would like them to be. If they are smart, then they have other hangups and issues. My friends tell me I am ready to be in a relationship. And yet, I do not find many of the women I meet very fulfilling or compelling. In addition, let me mention that I have not had a physical relationship with any for the past two years.

 

I tried link removed, I also tried a matrimonial website. Met a couple of people who were rather nice. But again, there is something missing.

 

What I worry about is, will this void ever go away? Has my breakup made me relationally impaired?

 

Also, my ex, like the submarine Red October, periodically keeps sending torpedoes my way. I told her that there is nothing to strictly talk about a long time ago, but she will send random mails saying she is finding clothes of mine (1.5 years after the breakup), and most recently, two days ago, she wrote in asking me if I was going to a work-related event (claiming that she wanted to avoid going for it if I was going).

 

 

Now she is with somebody else. So whenever she sends these manipulative mails (which look very innocent, but any contact initiated in such fashion should be seen as manipulation -- I mean there is no reason she has to get in touch with me -- moreover, she knows that meeting her does not affect me, as much as it used to affect her), the void in me grows and makes it more difficult to relate to these precious people who are obviously not going to wait forever for me.

 

So, tell me, is this a void that all of you feel? Did some of you ever get back with an ex, to find that this void was filled? Did you find that the void would continue no matter whom you were with? Or does intimacy with another, finally fill the void, at least temporarily.

 

Any answers would help me a lot.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wouldn't know as I am in the same boat as you, getting hit by the same torpedoes! I have no answers except to say hang in there and just keep focusing on the rest of your life where you do have control over events and outcomes.