My engaged girlfriend cheated, lied.

[elitephpcoder]

marrying this girl would be the biggest mistake of your life. she's obviously not in love with you, and she's marrying you for financial security. While she's got the guy she's really interested in, waiting on the side.

 

For the love of God, do not marry her, she will simply continue to cheat on you, then slap you in the face with alimony after she files for divorce.

 

Ive put off the wedding we wont be getting married anytime soon. And I may have made it sound like she wanted to be with me for money, because of what she said about security, but the reality is soon she will be alot wealthier than me because she won a large settlement. So she isnt with me for money. This i know for a fact.. And plays a part in my decision to stay.

 

If I believed that was the case I would not even hesitate to walk away.

[KG]

Then please tell her that the next time it happens, there is no forgiveness. And make sure she understands she can have no contact with this guy. That it won't matter if it's even a text message, she will be booted.

[Lisa_Lisa]

She doesnt deserve you. She has no idea what she is doing to you.

 

I am sorry. I was very sad when I read your story. There are not many guys like you in the world. You need someone who will afford you the same - this girl never will - I am sure of that.

[djrem]

You're getting married to a girl you havent even had a second annerversay with?

Think about it. If in just over 12 months shes cheated and you've found out about one occasion, how many more when you're actually married?

 

The spilt milk you can clean up, but the smashed milk bottle cuts feet for a long time.

[lostandhurt]

You are getting very good advice from people that have seen this many times with the same result.

I think you are to close to this to see clearly. Your love goggles are blurring your vision. If it was a mistake then she would have remorse. If it was a mistake she would make sure she never spoke to this loser again in any way and certainly wouldn't ask if she could hang out with him with you there! What next, asking if she can have sex with him if he wears a condom and you are in the next room? This girl knows nothing of respect and I doubt she even knows what LOVE is other than a word. The trust is gone in this relationship and she is actually flaunting her "friendship" with this guy in your face!

There are ways to track her every move and message if you want to. I wouldn't recommend it but in this case you would be wise to keep a close eye on her if you intend to stay with her at least till you are sure. You can PM me if you think you might want to go that route.

 

Without Love and Respect in a relationship it has no hope of survival.

 

lost

[elitephpcoder]

I let her read this, she said if I wanted her to she would cut all communications immediately from him..

 

I wish I could believe it.. If she did at least it would be a step in the right direction.

 

You know what, I may try to continue this relationship but I am not a fool, I will make sure that I am protected, financially and otherwise. I may be a fool in love but im not a fool in business.

 

I would walk over the broken milk bottles if there is a chance she will not cheat on me and has learned from this. Perhaps this is a lesson in life that I just must learn the hard way. As Im not sure If I could live with myself if I doubted my decision for the rest of my life.

[djrem]

Even Bruce Wayne has problems but Alfred always says:

"Why do we fall?"

"So we can pick ourselves up again."

[lostandhurt]

What about her doing the right thing without being told to. I don't know how she was raised or how her parents were with each other but she has a strange way of showing love, devotion and respect. It seems she is only concerned with her feelings. The selfish behavior is troublesome to say the least. What ever happens make it a very looooooong engagement.

 

lost

I let her read this, she said if I wanted her to she would cut all communications immediately from him..

 

I wish I could believe it.. If she did at least it would be a step in the right direction.

 

You know what, I may try to continue this relationship but I am not a fool, I will make sure that I am protected, financially and otherwise. I may be a fool in love but im not a fool in business.

 

I would walk over the broken milk bottles if there is a chance she will not cheat on me and has learned from this. Perhaps this is a lesson in life that I just must learn the hard way. As Im not sure If I could live with myself if I doubted my decision for the rest of my life.

[djrem]

Letting her read this though?

hmmm.

 

Like, i dont know you.

She doesnt know us.

 

We are just a typed out mass opinion.

You might feel for this girl something that no one here has ever felt before.

 

Take into consideration (the usernames give it away) that most people have come here because they have lost something, not because they found their soul mate.

[Luke Skywalker]

So, at first I argued and was against it.. and she dropped the question "do you trust me?" I finally i said, yes I love you and I trust you.. so have a good time.

 

 

The memory of that conversation is going to eat into your mind like acid every living moment with that woman.

[beeter64]

Please consider counseling while you go throught this painful time. I so feel your pain. My fiance cheated with his married boss after a 5 year relationship with me. He came back to me somewhat remorseful. We went to counseling and 4 years later I dumped him because he wasn't sure if he wanted to go through with the marriage. Guess what? It's been two years and he is already married to his now divorced married boss. I'm left wondering if it ever stopped between them.... I'm thinking NO! Please take it from me. Do not give her the chance to break your heart a second or third time like I did. You are young and you have a lot of time to find someone who is deservng of your love. I wasted so many years on a cheating man that only thought of himself. Now, I'm 45 and all alone. Please see a therapist to help you handle this tricky situation. Be very careful with your heart and please listen to the good advice on this forum. I wish I'd have know about it when I agreed to have my heart trampled on for years. I may have seen things differently. Please don't be blinded by love. Make your decisions with your head and not your heart. Good luck.

[hulk7280]

I let her read this, she said if I wanted her to she would cut all communications immediately from him..

 

I wish I could believe it.. If she did at least it would be a step in the right direction.

 

You know what, I may try to continue this relationship but I am not a fool, I will make sure that I am protected, financially and otherwise. I may be a fool in love but im not a fool in business.

 

I would walk over the broken milk bottles if there is a chance she will not cheat on me and has learned from this. Perhaps this is a lesson in life that I just must learn the hard way. As Im not sure If I could live with myself if I doubted my decision for the rest of my life.

 

the thing is you shouldnt have to tell her to cut off all communication with him.. she do it because its the right thing to do and because she wants to be with you and is truly remorseful..

 

but she isnt .. she wants to still talk to him and actually .. wow she actually said can i hang out with him as long as your there? omg..

 

she has obviously has no respect for u and thinks she can get away with anything..

 

btw... she was trying to hide the fact she cheated and even tried to cover it up when u caught her red handed..

 

what makes u think she wont lie about talking to him or seeing him again? ESPECIALLY since she wants to continue a relationship with her..

 

im sorry bro, i know its hard but do the right thing and leave her and save urself future heartache....

 

think with ur brain not ur heart.

[abouttime]

the hulk is right. She is trying to work you so she can still see him. I guess love is blind. She told you she would not contact him if you don't want her to? But at every turn she has lied to you. She disrespects you and makes you a cuckold. How can you believe anything she says. There are so many better women out there. Don't saddle yourself with a cheater.

[julioiglesia]

Sorry about your situation pal. Everytime I read this kind of raw threads about girls stabbing guys, it sickens me and feel as though i am on your shoes.

 

1) Forget about love. Marriage is a business. Will it work? a team work if you will.

I think you are infatuated with her because she is 20 years old and i am sure she is hot and good in bed and sometimes she shows signs that she cares. You only dated her for 1 year. You can be her bf but not her husband. Why do people take marriage for granted? IMO it is a sacred gift. Just like everybody who thinks they can run a business, you are in the same hole with this whole marriage thing. You need to test drive her more.

 

2) She is too young to settle down. Are you kidding me? We don't live in agricultural world of the 19 century where people get married when they are 18 and everything is good and jolly. we live in a world that has a lot of circumstances and changes. We don't live in a farm no more. Meaning, Just like Carrie from Sex in the City There are so many guy she wants to try out. Your GF is the type of girl who will never settle down why? Don't ask me. she said it. why likes you because of MOney and security. There is no limit for that. Money can be replaceable once the host is depleted with nutrients.

 

3) Inevitable truth is: Regardless of your plea, She will see him and sleep with this guy sooner or later. Remember when we used to be kids and had the first glance of our first porno magazine? * * * * you wanted more regardless of how much your mom blackmailed you that that is not what Jesus would do.

 

3a) What's interesting is. Like your GF, when women says how they need to explore and find the one and that the current one doesnt satisfy her. I get really angry because, I think it a great argument to explore and finding the one. but what gets me is "how" they do it. By going undercover and sleeping with a fling from HS when there is so much at stake.

 

3b) In the quest for finding the one, she should have been less emotionally charged with this guy. 1/2 blame also goes to this dude. If she includes sex in any equation, she cannot see things clearly and when she needed to be analytical as possible to find out if this guy is "the one" or not, she'll obviously will fall in the vicious cycle because this means that anyone she connects a lil and has sex bound to be the one. So the whole argument she makes about looking for the one is a sorry excuse to not settle down and sleep with as many guys as possible because she is after the honeymoon of relationships"the socalled butterfly in my stomach"

 

4) So what about you? IMO, Since we clearly know her ulterior motive for this relationship, she is going to stick around with you as long as the honeymoon period will last. The first sign that honeymoon is about to end, you just witnessed ->the cheating of your so called fiance

Do you think marriage is only honeymoon period? real marriage is going through hell together and able to stick together no matter what IMO, I don't think she shows the quality of a wife type.

 

5) Be honest with yourself. what is love for you? the sex, the flirtation, the butterfly in the stomach. If that is the definition for love, you need to do an extensive research becaues that is not love. that's infatuation. Do you think she will stick aroudn with you in 10, 20, 100 years with you? Or plan to divorce her along the way? If that is your plan, then go marry her and when you are heartbroken again, know that I told you so many years ago

 

6) Good luck, and I hope you can find peace and real solution to this ordeal fast. LIke I said Everytime a bro goes trhough this kind of tragedy, I am feelling it too. be strong

[Wstd]

Hey man i am sorry u are going through this. There is lot of good advice in this thread but it's up to you. I will only comment on the fact that she asked if she still can hang with him if u are around. This leads me to think that this girl not only is unable to commit but she lacks some basic features that any human being should have, like common sense, minimal empathy and even intelligence. I don't care if she is 20 or 30, she does not sound like a quality partner to me.

 

I completely understand that u want to give her one more chance though. When u r in love, to let go does not seem like an option, no matter how obvious it is that its actually the only option.

 

Best wishes to you m8

[karvala]

I let her read this, she said if I wanted her to she would cut all communications immediately from him..

 

I wish I could believe it.. If she did at least it would be a step in the right direction.

 

So call her bluff, stand up for yourself and say "yes, I want you to cut all communication with him immediately and permanently". If she will not do so, willingly, or if she says she will, but still tries to sneak in some communication anyway, leave her and don't ever look back. Don't let her play you, just be straight down the line and treat her offers literally.

[djrem]

Dump her.

 

I'm not typing paragraphs of emo reasons why.

You know the answer in your head. x

[elitephpcoder]

Despite what everyone has said, and you all could be right. She cut communications with the guy she has previously told him she was going to leave me for him. I saw her write the text message and send it to him.

 

I really believe she loves me and she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. They guy told her he loved her and it seems he really manipulated her in some ways as she was having doubts about our relationship and didn't have any friends to turn to to talk about it because they have all moved.. and her best friends phone is off.

 

The guy told her he loved her after only seeing her like twice. I'm not going to defend her but.. try to be a little understanding. I love her enough to forgive her once and I hope she doesn't make the same mistake twice for our relationships sake as I don't know if I can take being devastated emotionally twice.

 

I forgive her and am trying to move past it, though im having trouble sleeping at night, my heart is racing fast and it seems like my body temperature has risen and I cant control it. I think this emotional stress is taking a toll on me physically.

 

You may think im being stupid, perhaps I am. But in the end at least I will be able to tell myself that I fought as hard as I could to keep the person I love more then anything in the world. And even if it doesn't work out, I wont regret that.

[DaBladeRoden]

I fought as hard as I could to keep the person I love more then anything in the world.

 

If only it was reciprocated.

[servedcold]

I saw her write the text message and send it to him.

 

and she could be right back on the phone with him the minute you aren't around.

 

I really believe she loves me and she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. They guy told her he loved her and it seems he really manipulated her in some ways as she was having doubts about our relationship and didn't have any friends to turn to to talk about it because they have all moved.. and her best friends phone is off.

 

Is she really this much of a weak child? If a stranger went to her workplace and lured her into his car with a candy bar, would she rationalize it by saying he smiled at her and her friend's phone was off? I have been exactly where you are, wanting to believe a cheater so much that I would actually put stock in excuses like "he told me he loved me, and my friend's phone was off, so I couldn't hear from her that cheating is wrong." Litmus test: Could you, yourself ever say those words to someone and expect to be taken seriously? If you were the cheater, could you say "but honey, she said she loved me and my buddy's phone was off, so I couldn't resist," could you ever say those things and expect anything other than a snort from your audience? She thinks you are an idiot. Sorry for the repetition, hoping it will sink in some.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

So does this mean that everytime she has a bad day, and some random guy tells her he loves her after having lunch with her twice, she jumps into bed and has sex with him?

 

Or that everytime she has a bad day and best girlfriend doesn't talk for her for a day, she jumps in bed with someone else?

 

Please see how silly the justifications and logic you are using to convince yourself this is OK are. The response to having doubts is to talk to a person, not let some other guy poke her. The answer to having a bad day, is come home and eat cookies and talk to you about it, not go give some other guy a b.j.

 

There is no connection between her excuse and reality. She wanted to do some other guy, and that what she did and now is coming to you with silly justifications for it. And the only reason you even know about it is you caught her at it. How many other times has she done this, and how many times in future.

 

If you really are determined to go on the path to trying to stay with her, you both need to go to some couples counseling to work through this, so she understands how seriously destructive this kind of behavior is for the relationship and for you. She cheated on you, and you slapped her hand and now are distraught, but nothing really happens to her. She got away with it. It will make the next time easier for her. She will have learned to guard her phone and delete messages so you can't catch her at it so easily next time. That is all she's learned if you don't go to counseling and work thru this as a couple.

[iammissfine]

THEIR IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO BELIEVE THAT SHE LOVES YOU BUT COME ON. YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO CONVINCE YOURSELF. No matter what reality is telling you otherwise.

 

Merely mentioning every reason other than her love for you first isn't the first clue to this. I don't know what is.

 

Still wanting to communicate with him.. Is just absolute disrespect. And and indication she learned nothing from this. This mistake could have cost her a relationship between the two of you. And she has the nerve to ask if she can still talk to him. where do your feelings come into consideration. She seems to be lacking in that area. She is young and she needs to be taught a lesson in how you act in a relationship. There are consequences and you seem to be giving nothing short of an empty threat.

 

I wish you luck in this. But its time to get your head out of the sand. Show some tough love. It may just be worth it in the end.

[mentee]

I strongly suggest that you focus on yourself and explore your own feelings and thoughts regarding why YOU are the type of man who is willing to settle for a woman who lacks maturity, character, strength, and principle. What is it about YOU that cannot see past her irrational excuses? What is it about YOU that is content with a woman who does not love you as much as you love her? I do agree that you both should seek couples therapy or you seek individual therapy to figure out how you've gotten yourself in this situation and why you can't let go. I think there is more to this than what we're reading ..but that is just my opinion.

[karvala]

I'm not going to defend her but.. try to be a little understanding. I love her enough to forgive her once and I hope she doesn't make the same mistake twice for our relationships sake

 

The problem is not that she might make the same mistake twice, the problem is she hasn't finished making the first one yet, and it looks doubtful that she ever will.

 

This isn't a case of she cheated, realised she'd messed up, apologised, cut communication, and tried to make things better. In that situation, I could understand your desire to try and make things work. But here, it is instead a case of she cheated, lied as much as she could, eventually got caught, still hasn't really accepted she messed up, and is trying to maintain communication with the guy instead of making things better with you.

 

This isn't something she did, that you've forgiven and moved past. This is something that she's still doing, each and every day. That's the problem right there.

[Rabican]

Maybe you have a lower level of self respect than me bro. But if my fiance was talking to a guy on MSN that she cheated with I wouldnt even say two words to her. I would simply go in the other room, pack her bags and then THROW them out the window. You can easily forbid her from talking to him, simply say get out, im not putting up with THAT CRAP ever again. If she melts and grovels for you to give her another shot then consider it... but really bro its time to can her.