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Newly Single - dating etiquette?


sparks88
5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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I've been split up from my ex for about 3 months now and started to get some interest, so I need a little advice

 

This is mostly all new to me - I was with the ex since I was in school 4 years ago (am 22 now) and this is the first time I've been single and working and meeting new people.

 

Basically, I've got a few options and no idea how to handle them! My sister is setting me up with her boyfriend's cousin and he's messaged me on facebook twice now. I'm going out with a friend tonight in a group with a guy who apparently likes the look of me (we met briefly on a night out), I have a close relationship online with a guy who lives in Ireland and will be coming over in about 3 weeks (but we're not *together*) and a guy I work with has started hanging round a lot saying we should go to lunch.

 

The guy in Ireland... I'm pretty attached to him. We talk every day, sometimes on the phone, and I feel like I want to get to know him the most. But I feel like I haven't experienced much in the way of relationships and dating so.... while I and this ireland guy aren't really together, is it acceptable to go on a few dates with other people? He's said himself before 'when I'm single then I'm single' so I think he just doesn't mind unless we have a convo and decide to be exclusive, which is probably a while away since he lives in another country

 

I just want to... this sounds a bit shallow, but I want to kiss a few more guys, maybe go to bed with a couple and just have some fun before I end up in another committed relationship. This guy has a massive history himself so it's not like he'll think I'm a * * * * . Is this really not okay? Or is this normal? And the guys I'd be seeing - so long as I make it clear I'm not looking for anything long-term, is it okay to go out with them? I don't want to be a * * * * * without meaning to

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Sure I'd already thought about that, probably going to get an STD test just so I can say I'm positive I'm clean and there's no way I'd go unprotected with someone I'd only just met

 

Well, no, if you have multiple partners then your STD tests won't be accurate - for example the ones for HIV are only accurate if you've been abstinent for something like 3-6 months and of course you can get herpes and all the others even with a condom, so it would be the right thing for you to tell someone that you sleep with multiple people so they can evaluate the STD risk. I dated different guys simultaneously but never had sex outside of a committed, exclusive relationship - not saying I am "right" just noting that there is an alternative where you can date around and not have to share that with those you are casually dating.

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You can get an STD from anyone as long as they have had sex at least once.

Condoms work up until you take them off and that magic little herpes conversation about that cold sore comes up.

 

Cream doesnt make all STD vanish completely...

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You can get an STD from anyone as long as they have had sex at least once.

Condoms work up until you take them off and that magic little herpes conversation about that cold sore comes up.

 

Cream doesnt make all STD vanish completely...

 

Yes, but the risk is increased with multiple partners especially during the same time period and no, condoms do not 100% protect against herpes.

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I just want to... this sounds a bit shallow, but I want to kiss a few more guys, maybe go to bed with a couple and just have some fun before I end up in another committed relationship. This guy has a massive history himself so it's not like he'll think I'm a * * * * . Is this really not okay? Or is this normal?

 

This is very normal, but I am afraid that's what the problem is. Sex is a beautiful thing, but I think you need to reevaluate this idea about looking for partners to sleep with.

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>

 

Sorry, I didn't think this was going to turn into a convo about STD's. I'm not going to be jumping into bed with hundreds of guys and I will be being as safe as possible. The advice I was after is just about the etiquette behind dating more than one guy at once. I don't want to be exclusive with anyone right now but how far can you go if thats the case?

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Well, no, if you have multiple partners then your STD tests won't be accurate - for example the ones for HIV are only accurate if you've been abstinent for something like 3-6 months.

 

I meant I'd get a test just to be 100% positive, not because I particularly need to (unless my ex ever lied to me about his fidelity or past I guess). I haven't had sex with anyone but the same guy for the last 4 years so the multiple partners bit is a future concern, not something that has already happened.

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I meant I'd get a test just to be 100% positive, not because I particularly need to (unless my ex ever lied to me about his fidelity or past I guess). I haven't had sex with anyone but the same guy for the last 4 years so the multiple partners bit is a future concern, not something that has already happened.

 

I completely understand that a test right now would confirm that you are fine but telling a future partner that you are clean because of this test would be inaccurate unless he was the first person you had slept with since the test and it would only remain accurate if you slept with no one else. You said you wanted to try out different partners.

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