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evelin

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Can anyone advice me? I am 21 years old, and have a really nice 35 years old boyfriend he is really caring, loving, knows how to make me happy, good looking and charming. but yet he is turkish, and looks like has really hot temper. Recently I started noticing more and more things that show he can be really rude and even violent if anyone makes him lose his patience.

For example, he is still having a divorce case from his ex-wife and because that case takes such a long time sometimes loses control. Recently he started arguing with his lawyer and several days ago had a big fight and was shouting and swearing at her. She is a woman,I dont think that its appropriate...

Another example, the customer at his work annoyed him (wanted to go without paying the bill) so he wanted to beat him (instead of calling the police), but apparently boss didnt let him do this.

Are all these things red flags? It is possible that one day he will lose control with me and wont control his aggression in any way. Shouting... beating...Does that turkish hot temper creates that? cause i am really calm person,and my aggression never shows in violent things...

To be honest, i dont know turkish men at all, only this one creates my opinion about them...

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Are all these things red flags?

 

Yes those are defiantely the signs of an abuser, run as fast as you can and don't look back.

 

It is possible that one day he will lose control with me and wont control his aggression in any way. Shouting... beating...Does that turkish hot temper creates that? cause i am really calm person,and my aggression never shows in violent things

 

I don't know Turkish men either but I doubt that he will control his temper with you, the history shows it already what kind of person you're dating. So yes he can do that to you too.

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I wouldn't say the Lawyer thing was a red flag, as divorce can drive almost anyone to scream and cuss. But wanting to beat up a customer is a red flag.

 

I heard once about this thing called the "Waitress test." Basically, the way a person treats a waitress will be the way they treat you in 6 months or so. His behaviors toward other people could eventually come your way. Be careful.

 

I was abused phyisically and emotionally by my ex. I know how it starts.

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First of all, I wouldn't make a sweeping statement about him being Turkish and thereforee he has a temper. That's like saying all Americans are rowdy and brash, all Canadians are polite and unassuming, all Australians like to drink a lot, all the French are lovers etc etc. You are stereotyping. Regarding the incident with the lawyer...harsh, hostile words can come out when someone feels a person is not doing their job properly and it is affecting the service they are getting and paying big bucks for. However, wanting to beat up someone is a whole other matter. However, it is possible he was just saying that but didn't really mean it. It is tough to say, givin the nature of these two incidents and how he felt justifiably violated, whether or not this is a sign that he would be an abuser.

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I heard once about this thing called the "Waitress test." Basically, the way a person treats a waitress will be the way they treat you in 6 months or so. His behaviors toward other people could eventually come your way. Be careful.

 

 

I think it's a pretty good assesment of a person. If they are willing to treat a perfect stranger that way...imagine how they will treat you given enough time. See number 16:

 

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To the original poster, I agree on the divorce...from my outside perspective a bad one could drive anyone to near madness and just outright anger. In any case your boyfriend regardless of his ethnicity (this is not an excuse) is displaying some reasons for your concern. Typically this will escalate the closer you get and he will blame you for his inappropriate behaviour...if you hadn't of done this I wouldn't of yelled at you...or hit you...etc. You will modify your behaviour but eventually it will be something else that he yells at you for...you will keep modifying your behaviour. Soon you will be afraid to voice your opinion, state your concerns for fear of him getting upset. Slippery slope. Not sure how long you have dated but you are right to be concerned.

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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