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Really disheartened!!!!!


Ammy

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Hey guys,

 

The other day the dating site I am on decided to give me free contact indefinitely as some sort of promotion! I was quite excited! I don't usually contact people on the site except to respond to "kisses" (free contact to initially show interest and gauge the other person's interest.) Then I usually wait for the guy to email me.

 

Anyway now I have free contact I decided to email a few guys who sent me kisses previously but didn't follow up with an email (I figured they were free members and hence didn't send emails - yeah I guess if they're that interested they would subscribe and pay but anyway.... the fact that they sent me a kiss meant they saw something in me they liked). So I sent 5 emails, and I did a search and sent a few random men emails and kisses - ones that caught my fancy.

 

Well guess what? NO replies, not one... oh except one who said he was flattered but not interested.....

 

 

 

I don't get it.. I'm told I'm attractive, I'm successful and smart, and my profile I think makes me come accross as friendly, happy and sweet... Where am I going wrong?

 

I feel pretty dejected now... Like I must be unattractive, otherwise surely they would respond when it doesn't even cost them anything?!

 

Ammy

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Thanks ready2heal, only thing is that at least 3 out of 5 have logged on and been active in the 2 days since I sent them..

 

I am waiting on the others, I think at least one of them will respond, but typically they're the ones I'm less interested in...

 

I sometimes feel perhaps I'm aiming too high and am not as good as I think I am...

 

But then again these are mainly guys who sent me a kiss first - they found me - and now they're not replying.... How do people change their mind soooo quickly without me doing anything?!

 

Ammy

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I've done online dating too, and I noticed that whenever I initiated contact with the guys, I had very few replies back as a result. I usually get bombarded with lots of emails and "winks" which is very flattering of course, but for some reason when I have taken the initiative to make the first contact, I never hear from anyone.

 

So don't feel rejected - it's most likely nothing to do with you. I think men like to do the 'chasing' if you know what I mean. Silly games!!!

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Anytime, here's the deal.

 

If you get caught up in what you don't have control over (their responses) you may miss out on taking the actions that will ultimately lead to meeting the right person (searching and reading profiles and making contact).

 

That's how it works, anything else isn't going to produce as good a result and it will be very frustrating.

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I've done online dating too, and I noticed that whenever I initiated contact with the guys, I had very few replies back as a result. I usually get bombarded with lots of emails and "winks" which is very flattering of course, but for some reason when I have taken the initiative to make the first contact, I never hear from anyone.

 

 

I thought that this only happen to me! I have never gotten a response from someone whom I have initiated contact. A bit of a blow to the ego I may add.

 

As a result, I have stop contacting guys whom I find attractive, so as not to deal with the rejection.

 

I agree, guys like to do the chasin'.

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I just got another rejection. What sucks is that I don't necessarily contact the really "hot" guys, just the ones I think are around the same as me... And I get an immediate negative response.

 

Oh well... I think I will hold back a bit and just wait till they initiate with me, cos I can't handle the rejection either, I'm already feeling fragile enough!

 

Ammy

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Some of them may be looking for just one woman to date and not many to date...and they may have already found the woman they want to meet.

 

It's rare I initiated contact, but when I did the odd few times, I rarely got feedback either. It didn't bother me. I just put it down to the fact that they were likely involved elsewhere.

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Hey Ammy,

 

Good on you for putting yourself out there and having a go, it's great to see you are making the first point of contact, many guys would probably be pleasantly surprised to see that. Don't feel too dejected, as they say you never never know if you never never go, so great effort on your part by initiating the contact. A good idea too on your part to be discerning, that's a big advantage to you right there. It's silly that they do the easy part by sending you a wink or kiss but don't write a message, still, you may get a response when you least expect one!

 

Best wishes, hope all goes well!

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Hey Ammy,

 

Haven't posted for a while. I see your in the same situation as me still SINGLE. Think about it guys online speak to lots and lots of girls not only one. You are pretty and i mean it. Just wait a little you never know they might just e-mail you. I haven't had much luck been talking to guys online and dating but they just don't want nothing more from it. I feel like you. I feel less confident as time goes on but i'm not going to give up just because im in a rut at the mo. Don't give up - maybe we are trying too hard - screw that if they like me they can chase me im not chasing any guys again. Why bother. I let guys email me instead. Chin up honest your a sweetie xx

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Exactly, sad to see things are as bad for women as men in terms of response rates. Here's how to conceptualize online dating.

 

50% of the people on there are either involved and fooling around, or fresh out of a relationship and go running to the site.

 

Another 20% are mentally or emotionally unstable, or have other deal-killer traits, there is lots of overlap with the first group here, leaving about 45% as real candidates.

 

Of those 45%, many aren't subscribed to the site but have a free profile and can't reply.

 

You need to boost your numbers up Ammy, keep trying. I only write women who have been active on the site within 72 hours, maybe try that to boost your response rate. Best wishes.

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I've now have 4 reply back with "flattered but not interested" and the others have not replied at all... Oh well... It's not even like I'm picking the really "hot" ones, that's what gets me more than anything else! The thing is I know people have said they might be free members etc - but I am doing the contact so I am technically paying (although I'm not as I got free contact..) so it costs them nothing to reply!!!!! Thats what I don't understand, they're not even willing to get it a chance for free!!

 

Nevermind, I am keeping positive.. this is the least of my worries right now, I need to put it into perspective.

 

Thanks for your responses everyone!

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Okay well an update..

 

I sent 8 emails - 2 replies to far - 1 was a previous contact who sent me a kiss, the other a total random guy I thought was cute... A few of the others haven't logged on in days, so I can put it down to that, and there's about 2 that have read my email but failed to reply.

 

I have sent about 5 kisses to guys who had hidden photos - 4 of 5 have replied back with 'flattered but not interested".

 

So the odds are low, but the 2 replies to far means at least I'm getting some interest and to be honest the 2 who replied were 2 of the cuter and smarter ones, so I'm happier now!!!

 

Ammy

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I've now have 4 reply back with "flattered but not interested" and the others have not replied at all... Oh well... It's not even like I'm picking the really "hot" ones, that's what gets me more than anything else! The thing is I know people have said they might be free members etc - but I am doing the contact so I am technically paying (although I'm not as I got free contact..) so it costs them nothing to reply!!!!! Thats what I don't understand, they're not even willing to get it a chance for free!!

 

Nevermind, I am keeping positive.. this is the least of my worries right now, I need to put it into perspective.

 

Thanks for your responses everyone!

 

Well obviously and those who are saying 'flattered, but not interested', have no taste at all!!

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Maybe stop with the kisses and send a short email instead. I have had many women send me winks, and out of those, several didn't even bother to respond to a brief email in reply to the wink, and two others that I went out with turned out to be the worst dates I had on match. So ended up with a "no mo winks" philosophy. Suspect many people feel similarly.

 

Same rules for women as men writing emails, make it a brief message that comments on a couple of specifics in their profile for commonality and throws in a relevant humorous comment, maybe adds a question. Should boost your response rate.

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Maybe stop with the kisses and send a short email instead. I have had many women send me winks, and out of those, several didn't even bother to respond to a brief email in reply to the wink, and two others that I went out with turned out to be the worst dates I had on match. So ended up with a "no mo winks" philosophy. Suspect many people feel similarly.

 

Same rules for women as men writing emails, make it a brief message that comments on a couple of specifics in their profile for commonality and throws in a relevant humorous comment, maybe adds a question. Should boost your response rate.

 

Thanks for your perspective servedcold - definitely see your point. I am not sending any more kisses - seems to be an unsuccessful tactic!

 

In terms of the emails I'm sending - I think perhaps I'm sounding boring in them.. I'm just doing a short intro and asking for a bit more info from them (and trying to pick out points from their profile where possible) .. I did try to be a bit humorous, but not managing that well I don't think... I think I might be coming accross a bit generic and boring...

 

Thanks for the advice, I'll see how it goes with the 8 emails so far... and if no luck will start again and email some more!

 

Thanks again,

Ammy

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If you're e-mailing them.. not sending them kisses.. I wud make it real brief..

Just a short... "i saw ur profile, thought you were cute.. was %ed, write back if you wish

" type of thing..

It seems if you write a really long post, lots of times it's perceived as "weird" for some reason.

Hey girl, don't feel bad.. you are not the only one who's not getting ANY thru thru the internet thing.. LOL..

Not all of us who are considered attractive IRL are sucessful on the internet. At LEAST some one wrote back though..

I DO know what you mean though. I've been thru the mill trying to meet someone online.. as the type of guys in our town.. are too well, "out there" for me.. and since the gas has gone up so much in recent years.. well, it's just a cheaper way to meet someone.

Maybe someone cud write a CYBER 101 plan for women on here! I don't know the ropes either!

I am not sure what type of women the guys look for online anymore! I do see alot of frustrated women online, whom, you would think wud have no problem IRL.

I think guys just look thru SCADS of women.. cuz there are so many sites they can peruse myself.

I think if you go into E-Harmoney.. a paying site, or something like that. you';re more likely to find serious guys. Then again, you just don't know...

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Thanks for your reply crosstown... I will have to try the short email thing - I have a tendency to say too much and possibly come accross as if I'm trying TOO hard?!

 

I definitely would like a cyber dating 101 so I know what I am supposed to do to find someone!

 

The 2 who replied, didn't reply to my replies to them... so I'm back to square 1! Argh!

 

Ammy

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Don't you get chatted up when you're out?

 

I'd certainly make a beeline for you! LOL

 

Haha thanks!

 

I rarely get chatted up when I'm out to be honest... And if it does happen it's usually by someone really drunk or annoying LOL.

 

I have been told I need to move to the UK... perhaps it's Sydney men that are the problem!

 

Ammy

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