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End of a friendship


Tethys
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Well, the title says it, but it really hurts.

 

I had put some distance between me and this person because, for various reasons, I didn't trust him anymore. For some reason, I did hang on for a bit, meeting with him, talking with him. He's a lot of fun. But I did suspect he was betraying my confidences and slamming me behind my back.

 

Last night he sent me a pretty nasty email -- it was unexpected. Whether he intended it or not, he said some a few things which confirmed my suspicions.

 

For awhile there, we were great friends, and I helped him out a lot. A lot, actually, which makes this all the more painful. I suppose I could see it coming, but I hoped that it wouldn't come to this.

 

So, yeah, I am trying to cope. Been crying the last hour. It really hurts to lose a great friend.

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Yes, it hurts, but it doesn't sound like he was a very good friend...

 

It also seems like you had more than just friendship feelings for him from the tone of your post. Am I reading this right?

 

Anyway, I'm sorry you lost your friend, but just like romantic relationships, friendships can be unhealthy. It sounds like you need to find friends that have your interests in mind like you do theirs.

 

Again, I'm sorry. It definitely sucks to lose a friend.

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So, yeah, I am trying to cope. Been crying the last hour. It really hurts to lose a great friend.

 

Sorry you're hurting BUT-

A great friend wouldn't slam you behind your back or send you a nasty email-

Especially after you've helped them out.

 

IMO, you're not losing much.

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DJ,

 

Thanks for your message, but I wanted to clarify something.

 

It also seems like you had more than just friendship feelings for him from the tone of your post. Am I reading this right?

 

OH gosh no... I was the one who helped him "come out." He had been closeted for quite some time. Trust me, there was NO attraction on my part... But I did care about him very much.

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Sorry you're hurting BUT-

A great friend wouldn't slam you behind your back or send you a nasty email-

Especially after you've helped them out.

 

IMO, you're not losing much.

 

I have no direct evidence that he's doing this -- just circumstantial. The nasty letter was a surprise, as though he's been harboring a lot of anger at me.

 

I was upset but I knew this was coming. Once the trust was gone, it was only a matter of time..

 

But still, at one point, he was my best friend in the world. Now we're enemies?? (He has this black and white thinking -- if I am not his friend, I am his enemy.)

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This all sounds like a very painful experience, and even if you're not attracted to him, it's clear that there was a lot of emotional investment on your side.

 

Please let yourself know that the nasty email, the slamming you behind your back, betraying your confidences - is a statement about who HE is, not who you are. Or, to put it another way 'What he thinks of you is none of your business'.

 

In time, you'll put this behind you and realise you've had a lucky escape. Some toxic friendships last for decades!

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This all sounds like a very painful experience, and even if you're not attracted to him, it's clear that there was a lot of emotional investment on your side.

 

Please let yourself know that the nasty email, the slamming you behind your back, betraying your confidences - is a statement about who HE is, not who you are. Or, to put it another way 'What he thinks of you is none of your business'.

 

In time, you'll put this behind you and realise you've had a lucky escape. Some toxic friendships last for decades!

 

Thanks nutbrownhare,

 

Also, he has "poisoned the well," so to speak, with some friends of mine I haven't seen in awhile. Which makes it even worse.

 

I could go on and on about what I've done for him, and he for me, but now? It doesn't matter. It just sucks all around.

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