Jump to content

is it just me?


thistime

Recommended Posts

My bf keeps everything from past relationships...pictures, notes, cards, letters, emails...etc. i on the other hand am the kind of person that gets rid of any momentos from my past with other men. I dont even have photos from my first marriage! ( I did keep a few things from my second marriage for my daughter, as that is her father!) but even when the BF and I broke up the first time...I threw away all of his cards and letters. So is it unfair of me to ask him to get rid of all of the keepsakes he has from his former realtionships? i mean, he says they are just like a 'history book' of his life, but to me, it seems like he is holding onto memories that shouldnt mean anything to him anymore.Especailly the most recent ex...like he misses her or something! It drives me crazy to find pictures of him with his past girlfriends around his house!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yes I think its completely unfair to ask him to throw his momentos out the window. I myself dont keep anything from past relationships either but if I did I wouldnt want my SO to tell me to throw them out.

 

Now if he has pictures up on his wall of these exes, or nuditys everywhere that's a different story but if they are in a box somewhere or in a draw what is the problem?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find this hitting me close to home, never thought of it really before I read this. I have a few pictures of me with some women I dated before my current GF. Pictures of like me and them at parks, or at restaurants on my Birthday etc (nothing nasty, or showing us being intimate Kissing etc nothing like that). I don't get them out and pour over the good times we had and I don't ask or expect my current GF to look at them. All the pictures I have are of people who meant something to me at one point in my life and usually all of the ones I have kept are of women that we didnt break up on bad terms and are still friends.

 

I dont know why I keep them, sometimes if I happen accross the box I look at them and then put them away. My gf knows I have them, she isn't bothered by it because I'm with her now and she knows that.

 

Does your BF get them out often and "relive" the times with his Exs??

Or is it just there as he says just a reminder of days gone by?

 

I don't really know where you should go with this. If it really bothers you about the pictures maybe just talk to him and (hard as it may be) ask him about some of the people in the photos. You may find out why he holds onto them, I have photos of women I dated Yes, but some of them helped me through some pretty hard times and that's why I keep them. and my GF knows that's why I keep them. They were special people to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i have some too. any girl that gets upset over this can hit the road. it was my past. it's not like i bust out the pics and reminisce. i actually don't even know where half of them are boxed up. lol

 

i havent actually asked him to throw them out...I've just questioned why he feels the need to keep them. But OK, this really kinda helped because i guess i figured he needed them because he still has strong feelings for the other person...not just as 'history' as he put it. And no..they arent on the walls or in plain sight. I'm just a little jealous i guess. i will try to curtail that!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

and here's the other thing...he and I dated before, and i kept a few of his things , until I heard he moved in with someone else, and then I threw all of his stuff away. I still had very strong feelings for him, and throwing them away gave me closure (now of course I wish I still had some of them, but alas!!) So i guess by him keeping things from his exes i get the sense that he might not quite be over them...or at least one in particular. But NO he doesnt get them out..at least not when I'm around, although when we first started seeing each other, he still had some items in his house of hers, or of the two of them together, that he failed to 'hide' very well. he said he didnt know they were there. i know...i'm being ridiculous!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OP, I think it's more strange that you don't keep anything from previous relationships. It's seems really "denial-ish" to me. Like, weren't they worth anything? Were they so horrible that you have to blot out and destroy every possible physical memento of them? Odd to me, but it looks like what you're b/f is doing is odd to you, so who knows.

 

I'm a keeper myself, though. Though I rarely look over it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've kept a lot of pics and cards from past relationships. I have them put away.....but I threw out everything that had anything to do with my ex husband. Marriage pics and all. I think it would be unfair of you to ask him to get rid of them. He may someday on his own......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i havent actually asked him to throw them out...I've just questioned why he feels the need to keep them. But OK, this really kinda helped because i guess i figured he needed them because he still has strong feelings for the other person...not just as 'history' as he put it. And no..they arent on the walls or in plain sight. I'm just a little jealous i guess. i will try to curtail that!!

 

cool. don't be jealous or make a fuss. it will show that you ARE in fact jealous. it's really not a big deal.

 

if it was on the wall and he showed you, 'this is my ex _____,' then yeah, big deal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is usually a mistake to project how you feel over a given situation onto how you think your partner must feel too. If you would only keep mementos of an ex because you have feelings for them that is how you are - but it isn't necessarily how he is. He keeps them in the same way that people keep any memento of high school, vacations etc. And just because someone really enjoyed their time at high school it doesn't mean they want to go back nor do they necessarily want to go and live in a place where they had a good vacation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

cool. don't be jealous or make a fuss. it will show that you ARE in fact jealous. it's really not a big deal.

 

if it was on the wall and he showed you, 'this is my ex _____,' then yeah, big deal.

 

Yup or if he whipped out pictures & started talking about them. If not - dont worry about it. He is with you now...not them but that doesn't mean he should just throw all his memories out. That's a bit unfair...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks, all! I got it now! I'm good. out of sight, out of mind!! i wont worry about them. he sure is a packrat, though!! LOL..

 

i have childhood toys somewhere too. i'm not a packrat, i just kept things that meant something to me at some point. it has nothing to do with the present. awesome you see that. i know some girls get really tiffed over this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it hasnt escalated into a fight or anything, honestly. Now, early on in the realtionship, I was helping him clean (yes, legitimately...he was in the room with me!) and i found some scribbled psycho letters from a chick he was hanging out with for like...a week...before he started seeing me, and they were crazy! and indicated that more had gone on then just "hanging out." so he finally admitted that he slept with her, and that kinda hurt, but I knew he a) knew she was nuts and b) didnt have a relationship with her, he was single, and horny and she was willing so he did what most red blooded males would do!

i asked him why he didnt throw them away and he said..."look around you, does it look like i throw things away often?" he admitted he lied about not telling me they slept together, but then he also stated that it shouldnt matter whether he did or not, sense we werent together then.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally keep my stuff.. Not sure why, because my first two bfs aren't on good terms with me [i've been trying, but they don't want a thing to do with me] So... And it's not because I want to be with them, or that I miss them, or anything like that. I am actually the one to break up with them both. But I don't keep them where they are in plain sight, or at least I don't think so... [mental note: keep out for any 'momentos' when I clean my room...]

 

I even have 2 roses that my first ex gave me a LONG while back. I kept them then, I am keeping them now. Plus a bunch of the petals from all the other roses he gave me. Pictures, everything. Just no kissy lovey stuff, I myself don't even want to see that, let alone chance my current stumbling on them. Awkward moment waiting to happen.

 

They were just parts of my life, and I have read back on a couple notes and looked at pictures, just because my memory sucks and it reminds me of OTHER things in my life that went on during that time. So... Yeah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why Does He Want To See You In A Bi...
Why Does He Want To See You In A Bikini?

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...