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Is this his way of asking me out on a date?... not sure if he's still married


stella74

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I just got an email from a man I've known as an acquaintance through mutual friends/colleagues that says he's going to be in town for a conference. He wrote: "Let me know if you want to meet up."

 

We first met around 15 years ago when he was married, which is why I never became close friends with him. Fast forward to last year when I ran into him at a party - he was visiting alone and we ended up talking for about an hour. He mentioned his wife by name (Joan), and I assumed they were still married. But since then he's been acting as if he wants to be closer friends. He added me as a facebook friend and has sent me a few messages. He left his status blank, so I can't tell if he's still married or not.

 

If he and Joan are divorced, I would say yes in a heartbeat to a date with this man. He's one of those good ones that come along in a blue moon. If he's still married, he either wants to meet up as colleagues or to be closer friends. He's definitely not the type to have an affair. Joan was his college sweetheart.

 

Last year I posted before about a different married male friend who wanted to meet up with me for drinks. That ended up never happening. But the responses I got to that thread made me think more carefully about accepting invitations from men who might be married to hang out one-on-one.

 

Any ideas on the best way to reply to the message I just received?

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I'm thinking that if he was single his status would say single but since he's in a committed relationship of some sort with someone then he's afraid to try and get away with putting his status to single so he does the next best thing and leaves it blank.

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Really? My status is blank because I don't want to make a big deal out of being single or being in a relationship. It just seems so bizarre. I have a female friend who got divorced last year. She joined facebook and set her status to single. She started dating someone new and changed her status to in a relationship about a month ago. Two weeks later, she changed it back to single. I don't want to go through that sort of drama. Do most single people set their status to single?

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I'm thinking that if he was single his status would say single but since he's in a committed relationship of some sort with someone then he's afraid to try and get away with putting his status to single so he does the next best thing and leaves it blank.

 

i just leave mine blank anyways (i'm single). i just don't want to say on facebook because i don't want it to be like a dating site.

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Why not say - "Yes, it would be interesting to meet you (and your wife if she is accompanying you to the conference) if the timings can be made to work".

 

That's a good suggestion. Thanks DN. I can combine it with Annie's suggestion to make sure it's an afternoon meet up, so it's not like a date.

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OK, thanks. Yes, I guess if he's divorced, hopefully he would tell me if that's the reason his wife isn't accompanying him.

 

Hey Stella!

 

I'd just go for coffee / lunch and see if it comes up in the conversation. I would probably not mention the wife thing on the email reply... But that is just me. Just a simple - yeah it would be nice to catch up, let me know when you're free and we'll see if we can arrange something?

 

It means you won't know up front, but it may also mean you go into the exchange with less expectations because of that element of unknown.

 

Hope he is single and it works out for you anyway!

 

Let us know how it goes!

 

Ammy

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Hey Ammy, I had taken DN's suggestion before I read your post. I emailed him and in his reply he didn't mention that Joan was accompanying him, but he did mention her by name. He told me something about what she's currently up to. So I'm assuming they're still married. Darn!

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Hey Stella!

 

I'd just go for coffee / lunch and see if it comes up in the conversation. I would probably not mention the wife thing on the email reply... But that is just me. Just a simple - yeah it would be nice to catch up, let me know when you're free and we'll see if we can arrange something?

 

It means you won't know up front, but it may also mean you go into the exchange with less expectations because of that element of unknown.

 

Hope he is single and it works out for you anyway!

 

Let us know how it goes!

 

Ammy

 

I have to agree with this.Dinner is a little too personal in any case. Just because he is married doesnt mean you cant be friends provided both of your intentions are not innappropriate. Sometimes people have friend relationships who are married that is no one elses business..provided you are both not compromising his family and him as a family man. Perhaps he feels the need to just get your perspective on life and share ideas..He values your insight? I think it is acceptable behaviour under those rules..Its good that you found out hes married btw.

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Thanks for your feedback top bloke.

 

If anyone's interested, the previous thread I started last year about a different married male friend who wanted to meet up with me is here:

 

 

We had a good discussion. I just re-read it.

 

It is a great thread..you are welcome..sometimes us good married guys still want to relate without losing our dignity

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