We're here to help eachother right!?!?

[SarCareBear]

JUST some of my poetry archive.. i reallyl want opinions opinions on anything, im trying to possibly test the water at skills and what beter way then a public forum of honest people!

 

 

 

 

soft sand sprinkled all round the edges

waves crash and shoulders burn

diving under take your turn

theres still plenty of time to splash and shout

the tide's forever rolling in and out

to fold and unfold the same silly songs

That we may turn and play

as the sun sets on our distant day

but don't ignore how the sky can shed its skin

and melt away into a spectrum then turn black again

inviting the sappling stars to dapple their light

like a spark through the air on the ocean tonight

Watch, the moon may pale your face

May beckon you to bask in its whispering grace

How much salt-soak'ed sand may our bodies displace

And perhaps only then

Will we know that the world

Is our greatest friend, for

We're where the sea meets the skies and

On the horizon, our love sees no end

[Balthamos]

Overall that's really an impressive poem. I liked your rhyme scheme especailly, it's very natural and unforced. I also noticed some places where you have one 'sentance' over multiple lines which really helps it flow very nicely. It's very sweet without being overly syrupy. Great job!