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Have you ever been confused about whether you are interested in a guy or not?


domertobe14

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So here's the deal. I went on two dates with this girl and I like her a good bit. It seemed as if she liked me too so I asked her to our winter dance in a few weeks here. On our two dates there wasn't really that much romance but we got along really well, and her family loved me. Frankly, we didn't get much alone time though. She texted me last night and said that she probably just wants to go to the dance as friends. I was just really surprised because I really thought she liked me especially since she initiated the second date. I talked to her this morning and she said she is just confused...one minute she likes me the next she just wants to be friends. So, my question is, have you ever been confused about somebody like this where you didn't know whether you were interested in dating them or not? What ended up happening...did you give them another shot and did things work out or not or did you just keep it as friends? Any serious input on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

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Yeah, I have had concerns about whether i was interested in a guy or not a number of times. Is she your age, younger or older? [not that its all that important, just curious.]

 

With the guy I am seeing now, actually, I have had a few '?' moments, during which I normally would break up with / stop talking to the person. But we have a definite connection, and things were otherwise going real well and we got along fine, and had a whole lot in common... So I just decided to keep working at things, and see where it goes. And now I am having no doubts [well, maybe one or two, but only because I have yet to be single longer than a month since my first bf at 15 and am curious what it's like] And it's been a month.

 

So... Just see where it takes you, try to get close to her on her terms, and try not to push things on her [no pressure or nothing]. And maybe bring it up in a bit, later, letting her know you do like her and would like to see where things go.

 

Or something like that.

[minimal experience in dating, but sort of common sense and my preferences coming into play here... ]

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Hm thanks for your input. I'm a senior in high school and she's a sophomore but I'm kinda young for my grade so I'm only older by like a year and a half. I think at a minimum we get along really well as friends and she agrees she's just deciding currently if she wants to make the jump from being friends to a relationship. She told me that she has atleast thought about me in that way and is "changing her mind from liking me as more than a friend to wanting to just be friends" so I guess that means she likes me a little bit atleast. I thought even if only a little bit, why not just try it to see where it goes. But I guess the ball is in her court now.

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What it means is that she's not physically into you.

 

She digs you as a friend, gave the dating thing a whirl, now is backing off as she's not feeling it.

 

That's chick translation. You're welcome.

 

Yes, I completely agree! She might like your personality and hanging out together. But it sounds like she does not feel that special romantic "spark" with you. I'd look at other options.

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I can't speak for other ladies, but I've had a several "am I or not" moments with several guys. With some of them, it stayed at friendship, and with some of them, it blossomed into something more.

My current boyfriend, who is two and a half years older than I am, is one of those guys. My waffling happened mostly in the beginning of the relationship. We've been together 2 years and 2 months.

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Next time don't throw your feelings out there so early. Leave a little for both of you to wonder about until you start getting more frisky. You didn't say what you said in the text, but by her "confused" text it seems like you asked her something around the lines of "what are we" or "do you not like me" or something along those lines. That shows neediness and being clingy. Just go with the flow and don't talk about things like that this early. You are young and things will just happen.

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Are you headed away for college after graduating? It's possible that though her parents like you, they have told her that they may have concerns about her dating a college student while she is still in high school, or she could have her own concerns. Just throwing that out.

 

Though they think they do sometimes, women don't have the right to "pre ordain" that a date you have already asked them on and they have accepted be just a "friendly" date (whatever that is). There's no reason for such categorization of an early date in advance, as it's not as if you are proposing marriage in asking her to the winter dance. If there is enough time to find another date, and you know someone you want to ask, you have every right to cancel here, up to you. Of course if you do this, she may talk badly about you among your peers. If I were in your shoes, I'd cancel with her and make effort trying to find a girl who would appreciate your invitation more.

 

It's also rude of her to involve you in her personal thoughts about whether and to what extent she is attracted to you. Your job in the first several dates is to ask her out and show her a good time. Her job is to decide whether to accept your invitations, simple as that. No real talk of feelings or level of attraction should flow either way, just have fun and see where things go. She is young though, as are you, so maybe cutting her some slack is in order here. Going forward, when you hear this kind of thing, just back off entirely out of their lives. If you can avoid wishy-washy women going forward in life, you are going to save yourself lots of confusion and irritation.

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Ok well when I said she was confused I meant one minute she is interested in going out again and the next she just wants to keep it as friends. But now after a few days of just talking I think she is interested although she hasn't given me an answer about the dance...

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