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Need Advice, Am I wrong?


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Me & my fiance are scheduled to be married in August. We have had a very smooth relationship & been together for almost 4 years. In this 4 years we have only had 1 fight which blew over in 2 days and we were back to speaking. Yesterday evening we had a huge fight.


We live together and have been doing so since November. I initially found the apartment then moved in October then he officially moved in November with me. This apartment has caused me hell. First it started with an annoying upstairs neighbor and her noise over our heads, then ceiling leaks, the final back breaker as it began to get cold the heat not coming on. I thought I found a gem in this apartment and just over a few months my fiance loves the apartment. The first sign of heat problems I was ready to bail out. Not fixing the heat was a deal breaker for me. After making such a big move only months ago my fiance convinced me it would be to hectic to move again he suggested witholding of rent to force this slum lord to fix the heat. lets put it this way since November it has been on and off & yes even this month on a 17 degree day it was off. I withheld rent he fixed then it went back off.


There was a for rent sign next door on a brand new house. I looked at that "for rent" sign like my savior I was so happy to think right next door would ease the stress of the move if we only have to travel next door. I explained to my fiance I called the owner the rent is $150 higher and no utilites included but once we saw the apartment it was gorgeous. The whole night after seeing the apartment I kept asking my fiance what he thinks he said its ok . I even notified him I was calling our landlord to notify him we are leaving on February 1st that was 2 days ago.


Yesterday evening we are discussing the lay out of the apartment and he says the kitchen is in a weird location, I agree but thats not enough for me to call off the whole deal the rest of the apartment is gorgeous. He argues that the apartment we are in is great if not for the heat it is his perfect apartment. He made some analagy about the grass looking greener next door but how do we know what kind of other tenants he will lease to, will there be small children running over our heads day and night (its a second floor unit) will there be young people blasting music upstairs. I mean he pulled out every scenario. I said when you rent you will always have different neighbor situations its the brand new heating system and might I add an extra bedroom that had me excited about this apartment.


A heated conversation quickly went from calm to screaming. Ending with him saying he is not going any where if he has to take the money out the bank and fix the boiler himself. What he does not realize is its the principle it is not our responsibility to fix the heat on this mans house we are just tenants. Why do I have to wake up every other day in the freezing cold. Yes the apartment is very charming with a lot of old stlye details that I like but we don't deserve to live under the hand of a slum lord who would leave a family in 17degree weather with no heat for days and once even a week at a time. I have reached my boiling point. After yelling back & forth I just shut up and went to bed. It was an excruciating night last night and I got no sleep and neither did he.


I wanted to make piece because the silence in the house was unbelieveabley loud I know that relationships and yes marriage requires compromise on both parts but why should I compromise when I am right. In our relationship I often compromise because I want to make him happy. I have given this landlord chance after chance to do right by me but heat is something I will not compromise on. I have looked at this from every angle today. My fiance is one of those stuck in his ways, hate change personality types but do we continue fighting for this apartment is just an apartment. He even suggested once we fix it we advise him that we have done so and hold the rent until we have been paid back. Come on its just simpler to move.


I woke up angry all over again & he spent the night on the couch. (which had to be hell because we have only 2 tower portable heaters in the house one in our bedroom and the other in my 13yr olds room. So cold & all he slept on the couch with coat, socks, and many blankets) we speak on the phone at least twice a day from work and I have not called him today and he has not called me. I dont know how to break the ice this evening and I don't think its me who should compromise. What do you guys think?

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Let him know that, like you said, heat is not something you will compromise on. Consider getting a space heater, moving, more blankets....problem solve with your fiancee so that each of you is satisfied with the outcome. Instead of thinking of the situation as a drag, remember the 2 of you are on the same side, the same team, and will be working together on problem-solving for years to come, so this is a little practice

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