givinggirl Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I am just curious, if you are trying to connect with a shy person and you are keeping in contact, does it ever just turn into you being annoying? I mean, if the shy person rarely initiates the contact, how do you know that they really want contact with you? What if you are just annoying them and they are too shy or nice to tell you to go away? Is there a fine line to being annoying when you are just trying to get it accross that you are interested? I don't want to be annoying. I am a shy person, and I do have trouble initiating contact with people I am interested in. I need to really talk myself into it, but if the other person were to initiate, I would be more at ease to start initiating. Have you ever found someone to just be annoying? Link to comment
startinover Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 As a shy person who has fought hard to not be shy as much as possible, I love it when I get attention or phone calls from people. I may not be talkative, but it's nice to just hear from someone most of the time, unless I happen to be busy of course, or if I'm tired or something then I'll cut the conversation short... or if the person is actually an annoying person lol. Probably doesn't help much but I wouldn't worry too much about it. If the person ends up finding you annoying, then move onto someone who doesn't think you're annoying Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I work with someone who is on the shy side. She is really quiet. Hardly EVER initiates conversation and many times it's one sided. Not sure if she just doesn't have much of an opinion, (which can get REAL annoying) or isn't much of a talker. I stopped making the effort because one sided conversations are pointless and exhausting. I figure if she wants to talk she can initiate. So yeah at some point it DOES become annoying. Link to comment
solacean Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I think if the shy person begins going out of their way to avoid or limit contact with you, it is probably time to give up. But as long as they aren't actively avoiding you, and especially if they manage to initiate contact with you even on rare occasions, you probably aren't annoying them yet. I'd expect them to eventually be able to start initiating contact once in a while once they've had enough time to get used to your presense; as hopelessly shy as I am, even I have eventually managed to initiate contact occasionally with people I've liked and who were persistent about being friendly with me. Link to comment
givinggirl Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 I work with someone who is on the shy side. She is really quiet. Hardly EVER initiates conversation and many times it's one sided. Not sure if she just doesn't have much of an opinion, (which can get REAL annoying) or isn't much of a talker. I stopped making the effort because one sided conversations are pointless and exhausting. I figure if she wants to talk she can initiate. So yeah at some point it DOES become annoying. Once a conversation is initiated, he will add in his comments. It is just that he rarely will call/text me without it being in response to me initiating it. When we are together in person, he is very interested in my conversations, whether they be with him or someone else in the group. He has good eye contact, listens and does a lot of smiling when I talk. Link to comment
whes Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Sounds like he's still interested and not annoyed yet, then! Like solacean said, they might just not be completely comfortable yet, but if he's responding to you and seems engaged and interested in person, then he probably likes hearing from you. Link to comment
cruzer Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Once a conversation is initiated, he will add in his comments. It is just that he rarely will call/text me without it being in response to me initiating it. When we are together in person, he is very interested in my conversations, whether they be with him or someone else in the group. He has good eye contact, listens and does a lot of smiling when I talk. This sounds just like me and my girl. We are both shy. When in person it seems like its normal, we talk, flirt, eye contact, etc. When were not in person, i always have to text her first, she never texts me. She never furthers the conversation, only replies to what i have said or asked. I spent 3 months doing this, going on only 2 dates, i have now found out something very interesting. She finally opens up to me after i bother her about what was going on. She says she is scared to love again. She feels everything is going so well between us if we start to get at all serious she will fall in love again. She said its really hard for her. It is gonna require time, you being patient, and maybe you being almost pushing. See in 3 months we only went on 2 dates, i kept bothering her about that and finally she tells me whats going on. I didnt want more dates, i wanted to know what she thought, what she felt. She only told me after i bothered, or annoyed her, but only to an extent. Hope this helps, good luck and dont give up unless you meet someone else or they tell you they dont like you! i was told over and over by tons of people give up, but im glad i didnt! Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Reading these forums it's become obvious to me there are a lot of people more painfully shy than I am, and I can only imagine how hard that is. This guy is a catch 22, if you stop putting forth the effort then he'll probably be too shy to do anything about it and (probably) nothing will happen. At the same time you're battling with your own shyness/insecurities causing you to start feeling unwelcome because nothing has happened. I personally think there's only 1 possible way forward with this guy, because it really doesn't sound like he will ever try initiate anything. You have to make a move somehow - ask him out as just the two of you, maybe pick something romantic - and just go for it. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Reading these forums it's become obvious to me there are a lot of people more painfully shy than I am, and I can only imagine how hard that is. This guy is a catch 22. If you stop putting forth the effort then he'll probably be too shy to do anything about it and (probably) nothing will happen. At the same time you're battling with your own shyness/insecurities causing you to start feeling unwelcome because nothing has happened. I personally think there's only 1 possible way forward with this guy, because it really doesn't sound like he will ever try initiate anything. You have to make a move somehow - ask him out as just the two of you, maybe pick something romantic - and just go for it. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 It's tedious to always initiate everything. At least to me it is. Some people don't mind this. It will vary from person to person. I am uneasy around shy people so I usually avoid them. They can be nice people, but it's very hard to carry on a conversation that's one-sided. I know shy people can't help it, and I don't dislike them, I just don't enjoy hanging out with them. All my friends are extroverts, as I am. But like I said, some people don't mind it at all. That's why there are so many different types of people out there. The important thing is to accept and love yourself for who you are, shy or not. Link to comment
lucasky Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I am just curious, if you are trying to connect with a shy person and you are keeping in contact, does it ever just turn into you being annoying? I mean, if the shy person rarely initiates the contact, how do you know that they really want contact with you? What if you are just annoying them and they are too shy or nice to tell you to go away? Is there a fine line to being annoying when you are just trying to get it accross that you are interested? I don't want to be annoying. I am a shy person, and I do have trouble initiating contact with people I am interested in. I need to really talk myself into it, but if the other person were to initiate, I would be more at ease to start initiating. Have you ever found someone to just be annoying? I have a really similar fear! I've started talking to this guy who has told me he is super shy around girls. The problem is, I'm shy around guys I like. I don't want to let that ruin things though, so I find myself initiating contact more often than him.... on the assumed basis that hes just to shy to start things up! But I can't be sure - am I annoying him constantly saying hi and chatting? He flirts with me when I talk to him generally - BUT his replies can be pretty slow. Ahh! For a shy girl like myself, its nerve racking putting myself out there and not knowing whats going on. lol Link to comment
givinggirl Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 I have a really similar fear! I've started talking to this guy who has told me he is super shy around girls. The problem is, I'm shy around guys I like. I don't want to let that ruin things though, so I find myself initiating contact more often than him.... on the assumed basis that hes just to shy to start things up! But I can't be sure - am I annoying him constantly saying hi and chatting? He flirts with me when I talk to him generally - BUT his replies can be pretty slow. Ahh! For a shy girl like myself, its nerve racking putting myself out there and not knowing whats going on. lol I know what you mean. My gut tells me that he doesn't find me annoying and likes me, but sometimes I catch myself second guessing things. An out of the blue text would do wonders for me right now. Link to comment
cruzer Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I am a shy person, and I do have trouble initiating contact with people I am interested in. I need to really talk myself into it, but if the other person were to initiate, I would be more at ease to start initiating I would say just keep at it and like u said here, he will be more at ease to initiate contact. Im not sure why u think your annoying him if he likes you. your shy, but if a guy u liked was contacting you regularly would u be annoyed? Link to comment
givinggirl Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I would say just keep at it and like u said here, he will be more at ease to initiate contact. Im not sure why u think your annoying him if he likes you. your shy, but if a guy u liked was contacting you regularly would u be annoyed? No, I wouldn't be annoyed. I guess I am thinking it because it has been months and I feel like I have barely gotten anywhere. Like I said before, things are usually much better in person and I get better vibes from him. Link to comment
solacean Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 No, I wouldn't be annoyed. I guess I am thinking it because it has been months and I feel like I have barely gotten anywhere. Like I said before, things are usually much better in person and I get better vibes from him. I think I can understand this. Speaking as a shy person, even after I've had the opportunity to talk to a woman many times (or anyone really, but it's far worse with women) because she chose to breach the wall of my shyness, once some amount of time and space have re-interposed themselves between us I find myself once again virtually unable to initiate new contact, even after I've talked to that woman many times. The longer I've known her, the the longer the wall takes to rise back up, but frankly I've only reached a point of permanently removing that wall with maybe one or two women in my entire life - and both of those were women I worked with without any real possibility of a relationship beyond that. Link to comment
givinggirl Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I think I can understand this. Speaking as a shy person, even after I've had the opportunity to talk to a woman many times (or anyone really, but it's far worse with women) because she chose to breach the wall of my shyness, once some amount of time and space have re-interposed themselves between us I find myself once again virtually unable to initiate new contact, even after I've talked to that woman many times. The longer I've known her, the the longer the wall takes to rise back up, but frankly I've only reached a point of permanently removing that wall with maybe one or two women in my entire life - and both of those were women I worked with without any real possibility of a relationship beyond that. So, are you saying that as long as I keep up the contact, the wall will eventually go away and he might start initiating things? In person, I don't feel like there is a wall, but I do feel hesitance. Link to comment
solacean Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 So, are you saying that as long as I keep up the contact, the wall will eventually go away and he might start initiating things? In person, I don't feel like there is a wall, but I do feel hesitance. Well, shy guys are individuals just like everyone else, so I cannot say for certain. But IF this guy happens to be like me, then yes, you wouldn't feel that wall once you've initiated a conversation, because initiating the conversation is the hardest part for a guy like me. And the longer you keep up such contacts, thereby letting him get to the point of accepting that you like his company, the better chance there may be that he will begin to be able to initiate contact down the road. Link to comment
cruzer Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 I speak from experience, this is really the only thing i know about regarding dating. i met a really shy girl and we started talking, in person it was great! texting was only initiated by me and her replies were short and to the point, nothing more. We talked for 3 months and went on 2 dates, so i know the whole talking for months and getting no where. Finally i broke her wall and she told me why she has been so shy, scared, hesitant, etc. Last night she text me first! With shy people, one person has to become not shy. I have no idea how i done it, somehow i asked her for her #, first time i asked any girl... i asked her on a date, again another first... im still not sure how i ever done it, it was like i wasnt thinking, i wasnt myself. you think your annoying him, but ur just the one who has become not shy. Link to comment
givinggirl Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Thanks for sharing. Your story does give me some hope for the future! Link to comment
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