Jump to content

I just want to give up on love.


Recommended Posts

Simple as that.

 

Why should I continue to pine for love at all? There's no guarantee it's going to happen to me ever again. I'm 27 and it feels like time is running out, and there's nothing I can do to change it. I don't know the first thing about dating or meeting people. There's no logical step by step plan or anything. I'm not a bar person. My ex actually pursued me. I'm too shy and socially awkward. I don't have hardly any friends. I've been abandoned by some. Is there some way that I could just stop wanting love? Maybe hypnosis or something? The gap in my life is too painful.

 

Why am I still pining for my ex after so long? She wasn't good to me, but yet I pine for her? Because she's the only love I've ever known. I'm angry at her for taking away all my hopes and dreams.

 

ugh, I'm sorry for this, but it needed to be expressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in the same situation, except I'm about to hit 30. Sometimes I just want to give up, be a monk or a priest or a eunuch, lol. I get crapped on when I open myself to someone, but what you have to realize is that love isn't dumping on you or throwing you around, the person is. Love is very real and exists all over - I see it everywhere. Sure I wish I could have it...I mean that true, reciprocated love - but the time will come eventually. Out of the billion people in the world, I've determined that I'm going to find it, and during my search, I'll let it know I'm there so that it can find me.

 

I left my best friend of 24 years over a year ago due to his alcohol problems after he told me to go die and go to hell, literally. I only have one male friend and one female friend now. I'm not a bar person, either, and I'm also somewhat socially awkward. The places I talk to the most people are the places I've frequented for years. Find a coffee shop or somewhere you can hang out - if you make it a routine, you'll get to know the people there. I've met some other customers through employees at my local coffee shop. Before you know it, you've networked. You may or may not want to get to know these people better, but you're interacting that way. Maybe give that a try?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wade Cure,

 

I am not the best person to give advice because I went through a divorce not too long ago and I felt the same way for a long time.

 

Then I fell in love with my best friend and he has a girlfriend.

 

All I can say is don't give up on love, we need to love a few bad people to be able to truly appreciate a good one.

 

I have been through a lot but I have faith I will find the "one" for me. If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to contact me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in the same sort of situation. Shy and socially awkward I actually *had* given up on every finding anyone and was just living my life on the assumption that I'd always be alone. And then out of the blue it was her who found and pursued me. And when she left many of my 'friends' left with her, leaving me with a vastly reduced support network. I was left wondering if I'll ever meet anyone ever again who could ever be ... interested. For many weeks I felt totally without hope and thinking I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

 

Unfortunately I don't really have any advice for you, but I will say what I'm doing:

 

I'm still not over the breakup, and I still miss my ex, but now, a few months later, I'm feeling a little better. I don't know if I can ever go back to totally giving up on finding love again, but I have gone back to not looking for it. And when I'm feeling particularly alone and wondering about the future I just think, 'It happened once before, maybe it'll happen again.' ... Then again, maybe it won't - I'm not a big believer in destiny or fate - but right now it seems less important than it did immediately after the breakup. I feel like I'd rather focus on other things in my life right now.

 

Maybe in another few months I'll move on to wondering how to start looking for myself. Or maybe I'll just find myself happy with my life as it is. When your happy with your life you look more attractive to other people anyway. So, yea, if I were to offer any advice it would be something along the lines of, 'Don't give up totally, but maybe focus on other things for a few weeks/months instead.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm right there with you, buddy. I'm still hurting over my ex gf. It's been 7 months since we broke up and although it's gotten easier, not a day goes by that I dont think about her. What's even worse is WHY I'm thinking about someone who clearly doesn't deserve my attention or time. It's made me very bitter about love and relationships. I gave 110% to this person and was genuine, loyal, honest, faithful, committed, everthing a relationship is supposed to consist of. For what? To be taken advantage of and thrown away like dirty laundry? I feel for you, I do. But, we can't give up. There has to be someone out there to share our lives and hearts with.

 

And, hey, I'm 31!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ugh, I'm sorry for this, but it needed to be expressed.

 

First, don't apologize for expressing your feelings. It's great that you can talk about them.

 

there's nothing I can do to change it. I don't know the first thing about dating or meeting people. There's no logical step by step plan or anything.

 

Except that there is a plan. It's in your own words:

 

I'm too shy and socially awkward.

 

There's the start of your plan right there. Examine WHY you're "shy and socially awkward." Plenty of people are. Or, plenty of people used to be.

 

The key to getting past that is to figure out what causes it.

 

As for "running out of time" -- YOU'RE 27!! lol.

 

27 is old enough to realize that lives can change in the blink of an eye. You're not even 30 years old. If you had your first child at age 37, you'd be just 55 years old when that child turned 18. What's wrong with that?

 

Things get easier if you (and you're not the only one, almost everyone that's single does it) stop putting a time limit on love.

 

I'm 34...never married, never had kids. Within the past year and a half, I just discovered that I actually WANT to get married and have kids. There's plenty of time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Why am I still pining for my ex after so long? She wasn't good to me, but yet I pine for her? Because she's the only love I've ever known. I'm angry at her for taking away all my hopes and dreams.

 

ugh, I'm sorry for this, but it needed to be expressed.

 

I feel for you, there are many on here who feel the same way. For now just keep the practical side of you life going. Keep working, try to improve yourself and enjoy people. Then if love comes along you'll be ready for it.

 

Seymore mentioned about becoming a monk and I can relate to that as a life of hard work and quiet contemplation sound quite attractive, I just wish I had the faith.

 

I was divorced from my ex wife when I was 36 and now I'm 47 and I still think of her and this has prevented me from moving on to another relationship. Other aspects of my life have prospered, but I'm not actively looking for anyone and have become content with a relatively simple life. Friends have encouraged me to go on link removed, and I've been on the odd date over the years, but I'm always left feeling depressed because I'd rather be with my ex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm right there with you, buddy. I'm still hurting over my ex gf. It's been 7 months since we broke up and although it's gotten easier, not a day goes by that I dont think about her. What's even worse is WHY I'm thinking about someone who clearly doesn't deserve my attention or time. It's made me very bitter about love and relationships. I gave 110% to this person and was genuine, loyal, honest, faithful, committed, everthing a relationship is supposed to consist of. For what? To be taken advantage of and thrown away like dirty laundry? I feel for you, I do. But, we can't give up. There has to be someone out there to share our lives and hearts with.

 

And, hey, I'm 31!!

 

28 - 7 months out from my break up and I feel the same.

 

You don't want to let go of the good and it's understandable. Letting go and opening yourself up feels like it's a betrayal of this person you love.

 

It's not. But it sure does feel that way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 - 7 months out from my break up and I feel the same.

 

You don't want to let go of the good and it's understandable. Letting go and opening yourself up feels like it's a betrayal of this person you love.

 

It's not. But it sure does feel that way.

 

Exactly. Very good answer!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The OP is something I could have written. I'm 39 and only had one relationship which broke up 6 months ago. My ex pursue me too. No friends, never been on a date where my ex and I got together through hanging out in the pub.

 

At this point in the time, I don't feel that I'll ever be able to love again. Or that I'll be fit enough to have another relationship. What my ex said to me has really made me think about all my flaws where I don't know what anyone would see in me or want to be with me. I feel afraid of love or being in a relationship. Don't want to feel this way as it feels like **** and don't want to go on for years this way. I read the success stories on this website and hoped that it would happen to me and that I'd be over my ex. However, I am falling deeper and deeper into despair where I guess that for every success story there has to be the occasional tragedy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 - 7 months out from my break up and I feel the same.

 

You don't want to let go of the good and it's understandable. Letting go and opening yourself up feels like it's a betrayal of this person you love.

 

It's not. But it sure does feel that way.

 

There was a point when I did feel this way. But, after having been made aware of the truth with the situation, I no longer feel that way. If you have time, check out my other posts and you'll understand..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly. Very good answer!

 

Sometimes our better qualities can derail our healing.

 

Loyalty, a capacity for forgiveness...

 

The reason we hurt is because of the good things in our nature...

 

My ex told me she love me one day, broke up with me the next and has treated me with cold indifference since...

 

I could not do that - no matter what...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Simple as that.

 

Why should I continue to pine for love at all? There's no guarantee it's going to happen to me ever again. I'm 27 and it feels like time is running out, and there's nothing I can do to change it. I don't know the first thing about dating or meeting people. There's no logical step by step plan or anything. I'm not a bar person. My ex actually pursued me. I'm too shy and socially awkward. I don't have hardly any friends. I've been abandoned by some. Is there some way that I could just stop wanting love? Maybe hypnosis or something? The gap in my life is too painful.

 

I'm 28 and just out of my first relationship, and I really empathize with you. When I was with my ex, I used to tell myself that I had it so great as a reward for all those years that I was alone, with only the intermittent 1st date that went no where. Seriously, I've had maybe 3 second dates ever, including the one with my ex. Also, as a woman I feel like my biological clock is starting to tick.

 

I don't think there has to be a logical step by step plan so long as you consistently, week to week, make an effort to meet new people. Right now I am mostly just trying to make new friends, to remind myself that I am worth knowing even without my charismatic and extremely sociable ex around. As an adult, there are no guarantees-- are we going to have jobs in five years, how long will our parents live or get cancer, will our friends move away, etc. Five years ago, I could never have predicted that I would fall in love the way I did, that anyone would ever want me-- because it had never happened. I believe in love, but mostly I believe that I don't know what will happen in five more years and I have faith that some of it will be incredible.

 

Don't give up on you. Just because you are shy / socially awkward doesn't mean you aren't worth knowing. You are worth being loved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm right there with you, buddy. I'm still hurting over my ex gf. It's been 7 months since we broke up and although it's gotten easier, not a day goes by that I dont think about her. What's even worse is WHY I'm thinking about someone who clearly doesn't deserve my attention or time. It's made me very bitter about love and relationships. I gave 110% to this person and was genuine, loyal, honest, faithful, committed, everthing a relationship is supposed to consist of. For what? To be taken advantage of and thrown away like dirty laundry? I feel for you, I do. But, we can't give up. There has to be someone out there to share our lives and hearts with.

 

And, hey, I'm 31!!

 

This is my situation to a tee...right down to being 31!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Love isn't something that just happens to you and voila, you're set for life. It's something you have to work at. And even when you do have it, you have to continue to nurture it, to make it grow, to keep it alive. That requires practice, skill, insight, and mastery. Since you don't feel that you have it right now, you should look at it as an opportunity to expand your understanding of it so that if and when it comes back into your life, you will know what to do with it. And to know that even if it leaves again, that you did the very best you could. Thus, you would have nothing to feel ashamed or down about. I think that a lot of times we get down about "failures" not so much because we failed but because subconsciously we realized that we may not have done our best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow. You're 27 and you think your time is running out to find someone to love???

 

I'm 41! Jeez, I must REALLY be screwed then.

 

I think you're wallowing in self-pity a bit much there.

 

My mother died when my parents were in their 60s. My dad found a wonderful woman not long after my mom passed away.

 

Your chance at love is far from over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The OP is something I could have written. I'm 39 and only had one relationship which broke up 6 months ago. My ex pursue me too. No friends, never been on a date where my ex and I got together through hanging out in the pub.

 

I think ENAers probably invest too much in every relationship, even the ones that aren't "the right one". I'm 47 and I've had 2 relationships in my life, a 6 year one through college that was hard to get over and a 7 year marriage/divorce that I'm pretty sure I'll never get over. As one posting said, moving on feels like a betrayal and I just haven't done it. I go out with friends or maybe go on link removed, but the idea of chatting a woman up just reminds me of my ex and I can't do it, there's almost a physical revulsion. Most of the time I'm pretty happy, work is good, plenty of friends, but in social situations I'm always aware that my ex is missing and the whole dating thing seems inconceivable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 Reasons You Can Find Love
12 Reasons You Can Find Love

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...