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Hi everyone. I just wanted to share my story with you all... sometimes it's helpful to hear someone else's story.. I know when I first started coming here, I really liked to read the stories about people who come back to reflect on their experiences.

 

So what brings me here today... well, this weekend is going officially be one year since me and my ex broke up. Quick back story: he broke up with me after almost six years, for pretty much no reason other than he just "wasn't happy". Then refused to answer any further questions I had of him. Obviously this was a pretty big surprise... I was devastated, to say the least.

 

I took this breakup very, very hard. I couldn't sleep through the night for weeks. I couldn't eat. I couldn't focus on my studies. I didn't want to be around anyone... but I didn't want to be alone. For about two weeks after we broke up, every time I talked to him, I'd just cry or beg for another chance. (We were living together at the time of the breakup, so we had a lot of things to figure out). Then, a lot of wise people here at ENA and my friends advised me that this was not the way to exit this situation gracefully, so I just stopped. This was NOT easy. Every time I wanted to call him, I'd call someone else (my friends heard from me... a lot). I had to find new ways to occupy my time. I started to go for walks, read ENA constantly, went for a lot of long, aimless drives (it calms me, lol)... reconnected with a lot of old friends and even made some new ones!

 

The morning after the breakup, I remember just sitting in my room crying... I couldn't even think straight still at that point... but I made one single promise to myself: I will get out of bed every day, take a shower, leave the house... just go on with my life. Go to work, do my homework. I realized that it was now time to take care of ME.

 

So that's exactly what I did. Yep, I cried still... a lot. I still thought about him ALL the time. If I saw him anywhere, I'd get nauseous and feel like passing out. I talked my friends until they were probably sick of hearing about it. But I got up every day and went to work, did my homework, and every time I had a hard day, I'd say to myself, "You are one day closer to being healed." Even though at the time I didn't believe it, I still said it. People used to tell me that "time will heal you," and I hated hearing it, because time was going so slowly for me.. but they were so, so right.

 

The first three months were very difficult. Time didn't even feel like it was moving at the right pace. I was very, very depressed. When I wasn't working or doing homework, I was drinking with my friends (and I don't recommend this to anyone). He was always on my mind. I wondered where he was, who he was with, if he was thinking about me, if we'd ever get back together, etc.

 

After the first three months, I noticed a definite shift. I was thinking about him a little less. I still missed him enormously but I could feel myself moving forward. The next few months were a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I'd have great days, then I'd fall right back into that black hole of depression.

 

Summertime came and I was feeling even better... yet still not healed. I saw him with another girl at the beginning of summer and I fell apart... cried my eyes out. It was hard to see. He didn't see me (he was in a car, I was in a car), but it was definitely difficult. This last summer was really kind of weird. I was still in a transitional, confusing place. And I've really, over the past few months especially, come so far from that depressed, lost girl that I was less than a year ago.

 

Today I'm very happy to tell you that I feel like myself again. I've learned more about myself and others in this past year than I have during any other point in my life that I can remember. Sure, sometimes I wonder what he's up to. I know he has a new girlfriend, he had a new girlfriend pretty much right after we broke up. And honestly... I just don't care. Learning to be single for the first time in my adult life at the age of 22 was really weird. But it's been such a journey.

 

On the romance front- and everyone always wants to know- when do you start dating again? Well, I've been officially single all year. There was one person I was kind of seeing for a couple months (before Christmas)... we were not "together" but that story is a whole different issue... I have to admit, that is one area I'm still working on - trusting other people enough to let them get close - but that's okay. I can only live one day at a time, and I'm closer every day to being just ME again.

 

One thing I've always believed is that everything happens for a reason. This situation was no different. As a direct result I have personally grown in so many ways. Yes, someone I loved very much walked out of my life. But my life also improved in a lot of other ways because of it. Overall, I just feel a lot better. I lost a lot of weight, got myself into my own place, made a lot of new friends (& reconnected with a lot of old ones), I'm going to college full time too now (since fall quarter - I finally have a long term educational goal!). I loved him, and will always love him in a way. I've accepted that. I now think about our time together as a part of my past, a big part of it. We have a lot of amazing memories together, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I regret nothing, and I would do it all over again if I could. But maybe we just weren't meant to be. And you know what? That's okay.

 

I've been looking forward to making this "one year later" thread since the day I found ENA. Trust me... it does get better. It just takes time. You will find yourself again.

 

I hope this helps someone out there.

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"Today I'm very happy to tell you that I feel like myself again. I've learned more about myself and others in this past year than I have during any other point in my life that I can remember. Sure, sometimes I wonder what he's up to. I know he has a new girlfriend, he had a new girlfriend pretty much right after we broke up. And honestly... I just don't care. Learning to be single for the first time in my adult life at the age of 22 was really weird. But it's been such a journey."

 

All I can say is wow. Great post. It's funny because today is officially 1-year later for me as well. I was dumped by my ex after 8 years together, and like you this last year has been a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows.

 

Learning how to live without this other person has been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but you what? I wouldn't change a thing -- I'm a better person because of the heartache. I finally know what it's like to love because I have lost love -- and I know I will never take those feelings for granted again when the next love comes into my life.

 

It's been tough, gut-wrenching year for both of us. But we survived, didn't we!

 

Congratulations!

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Great post! I am very happy for you! You made it! This can be an inspiration to a lot of people here.

 

My year mark just passed about a month ago. I can relate to a lot of things you said about how you were dealing with the break up. This is definitely not easy to cope with, but we have to dig deep to move forward.. AND yes it does get better!

 

Like you I have grown tremendously from this process, as well!

 

Thaks for sharing.

 

Good luck to you and God bless!

 

gee

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