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Not Your Typical Suicide thread...hopefully


ATLstudent

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So I sometimes come accross people who cannot understand suicide. Certain people just cannot imagine wanting to kill themselves, and i have come to a conclusion...You can really gauge the severity of pain in ones life by their views on suicide.

 

qOkay maybe thats not fair....just because i would strongly consider doing myself in if i was sentenced to life in prison for a crime i didnt commit does not guarantee the man or woman next to me would, okay thats fare.

 

qLets just say that you can tell by someones thoughts about suicide if they have every had suicidal thoughts themselves. If truly being honest someone kind of has to be able to understand suicide if they have had suicidal thoughts. I feel like those who say they cannot understand why someone wants to kill themselves just dont have lives that seem helpless and void of real pleasure. \

 

Today i have a new meditation on suicide. Basically i cannot think of a single thing that is worth living or working for in my life. I dont have anyone else in my life and the future is very grim on that subject so lets just say i am a loner all my life...whats the point of living, when there is no pleasure or reward, or something to look forward to. \

 

My highest ups are a neutral feeling...no pain no pleasure, and thats as good as it gets. Everything else falls below the neutral zone, and with my circumstances and who i am, ever getting past the neutral zone is very unlikely, so what am I fighting for, what am i studying to get a degree for, i could be a millinare and it would solve anything or make me any happier.

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look up anhedonia. i had it for a while this past fall as a symptom of OCD and depression. it was rough.

 

i went through a suicidal period at 17. the best things in my life happened after that. i would have made a complete mistake.

 

since then, it hasn't always been easy. i've had some dark nights of the soul. and often my OCD is somewhat severe. and sometimes i feel like what's the point.

 

but when i come out of it, i make new connections. perspective. cherish it. widen your perspective, and it will make the extreme challenges seem a bit smaller.

 

at the very least, when there's nothing else, live to see what's going to happen tomorrow. live for the next nice restaurant meal. or live to help the next person who posts a suicide thread. or for the next time someone you know is hurting so badly they feel like the world is ending. step in and do something for them. surrender to the natural length of your life and use that to make others' lives a little brighter.

 

i haven't done all this, and i won't pretend i'm the master. but i have a bit of hope. and i'm trying to be better. i'm trying. and even when that's not enough, it's enough.

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i definitely agree, to personally know suicide is to accept it. that may be confusing. what i mean is, for example, before i was depressed i couldn't comprehend why someone would take their own life. then i got depressed. i tried taking my life 3 times. to me, suicide doesn't seem like that big of a deal. it still doesn't. as selfish as it may be, if someone feels that's right for them, then fine. i've known several people that have committed suicide, yes i miss them, but i know they're happier. my sister was also depressed, but she never had suicide thoughts. she totally freaked out when i told her i had tried, failed, tried, failed, etc. anyway, off that tangent. yes, i think suicide scares people that have never gotten to that point in their life. i never thought i would be driven to that point, but it happened, i accepted it, and now the idea of suicide is okay. sometimes even comforting.

as for you though ATL, you're only 23. that's so young to have already made up their mind that there is nothing else left to live for. life is full of surprises. why don't you give it a chance to see what it throws at you? especially if you have no pain, you may as well try to be a little optimistic and see what happens. right? please give it a thought. often times we're a lot harder on ourselves and don't give ourselves enough credit.

anyway, not sure i really said anything, but it was fun rambling =)

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I've been as low as you can go, but I've never even considered suicide for a second. I had a friend who tried suicide and failed. She lived and told me that everything the church says about H*ll for those who kill themselves is true. She cleaned up her act, turned herself around and now is married to a wealthy man she loves dearly and lives in one of the most beautiful homes I've ever seen! So...even if you don't believe in the afterlife and punishment, remember that you may have all your dreams come true if you hang around. Whenever life seems hopeless to me, I think of her and keep plugging along.

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