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Reasons Why We started NC


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I am starting this list of reasons why we started NC as an effort to encourage those of us who are doing NC to keep going. I am having a hard time myself (day 53) and think reading other people's reasons could help. Please add your own reasons or say what you think about these reasons.

 

Here are mine:

(1) he would talk to me about the other woman (including telling me I was better in bed than she was, and that I had better skin and better hair)

 

(2) he insinuated that I wouldn't have any friends if not for him and that he didn't "begrudge" me the friends that took my side

 

(3) he told me I had a weak personality and that I was a negative person. I decided he didn't like me much after all and wanted to prove him wrong.

 

(4) he told me that he would only contact me when he wanted if he felt like it and that me wanting to talk to him was not a reason for him to talk back, even while at the same time he said that he wanted to be friends with me.

 

(5) he lied to me during our relationship about how he felt about me and allowed me to stake serious parts of my life on it

 

(6) I was non functional (not eating, not sleeping, constantly hysterical and sometimes suicidal) so long as I was talking to him

 

(7) he could never admit when he was wrong, even on little stuff, so I felt he would never be able to step into my shoes and understand what I was feeling no matter how much I wanted him to or how hard I tried.

 

( 8 ) he told me that I didn't make time or takes stands for something I believed in... even though I used to have a politically oriented job for which I frequently worked overtime. Then he said that "doing it for your job doesn't count."

 

(9) I decided that given all these nasty things he said, he no longer even liked me, and I don't spend time with people who don't like me unless required to do so by my job.

 

Please add your own reasons.

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I started NC because I am not over her. We were an LDR and she met someone else. It hurts and I feel rejected. She handled it the best way anyone could, but it was still rejection, and everytime I see or hear from her it reopens the wounds and reminds me of what I have perceived to have lost.

 

In reality her walking away was my answer but I can't stop thinking about what might have been if I had graduated sooner, or lived there, or . . .

NC for me means thinking about these things less, which means less pain.

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i'm finding it hard and it's only been 3 days. my ex text me today and it's left me with this strange sense of hope that i don't want. i don't want to be hurt. she has someone but says she misses me. aggghhh it's hell.

 

the reason i went nc is because i was due to meet her for dinner but decided to cancel cos i still am very much in love with her. i need to sort myself out. sorry about the rant.

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I've maintained NC despite his emails because I want to return to the confident happy person I was before he came back into my life. I didn't even see myself slipping into a weak, myopic, emotionally uncontrollable mess until all-uv-a-sudden, I wasn't 'me' anymore.

 

It took me nearly a year to get myself back. If I ever cave, it would be like walking into a propeller blade. Never again!

 

In your corner.

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I knew I couldnt keep feeling the way I did, it was too painful and my life was crumbling around me. NC has helped a lot with the intensity of my feelings but I still have a lot of mixed emotions about her that I dont think NC can help with.

 

I'm not real sure what to think about these things or how to sort them out. If she were available to talk I think it might help, but she hasnt contacted me at all so I'm not sure she is ready. In fact I'm pretty sure she isnt. We really did love each other a great deal and I know this was very hard on her too.

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he sounds emotionally abusive.........

 

I have 47 reasons of my own......

 

He only acted like that after we broke up, not during the relationship (except for always needing to be right, but that wasn't specific to me, he was that way with everyone).

 

My no contact list is separate from my list of things I didn't like about him while we were still together.

 

But 47, that's great. I'm still in the 30s. Great job, chocolates!

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