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We got back together a while ago but I did something bad during the break-up...


kayla22

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Before I start I’d like to ask you not to ask too many questions about ‘how I got my ex back’. It happened because we were still madly in love, 100% commited to make things work and the timing was right…

 

 

The problem is, while we were broken up, I have done something bad and it makes me so anxious that my boyfriend of 2 years and a half is going to find out. I love my boyfriend dearly, we’re perfect for each other and we know each other inside out.

We had a short separation 8 months ago , because of circumstances (we were traveling separately and I had personal problems) and didn’t think we’d get back together even though we were both still very much in love with each other. The breakup barely lasted 50 days. During the breakup I had pictures of me taken by a girl friend, all tasteful,but one of them, only one, topless (then again, tasteful, nothing erotic/sexy, just me really). I wasn’t in a normal state of mind, was a bit drunk. I am normally quite shy about this.

 

When we got back together, he accidentally found one of the pictures where I wasn’t fully exposed and got annoyed, he didn’t see the artistic side of it and he was just a bit shocked I guess. I know he hasn't forgotten about it but he doesn't criticize me about it or anything anymore. Since then I have been very scared that the more revealing picture may pop up one day, since a few people may be in possession of it and I believe it could destroy our relationship since he got so upset the first time round. The risk of him finding out is quite minimal though but the idea of it terrifies me.

 

I feel guilty and ashamed. At the same time I know our relationship is stronger than that. He knows I am not that type of girl, plus we weren’t together at that time. But I worry that if he ever came accross this picture he’d think I’m not who he thought I was. I am an honest person, I am a very bad liar, but there I admit I can't find myself to tell the truth. It is eating away at me that I am keepin something from him. I know he'd be so hurt and although I wouldn't want him to dump me for it, hurting his feelings is what worries me the most. What is your opinion about this? Am I torturing myself for no reason?

 

Thank you so much for your answers.

 

Kay

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You need to tell him about the picture before he finds it himself. It will hurt a lot more when he does find out because it will be a trust issue then. If you plan on being with him for the long term, you can't let something like this eat at you. I think you are torturing yourself and you'll feel better (even if you have to deal with him being upset with you for awhile), if you get it out in the open.

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Hi Kay, Welcome to Enotalone!!!

 

There is no need to feel guilty or ashamed, you took what you thought were taseful art pictures when you werent in the best state of mind. I can understand him being a bit angry but not to the extent where your 'scared' of him finding out.

 

Surely he would understand you made a mistake and you regret it?

 

Perhaps you should tell him, so if he finds out, there wont be the 'i kept it a secret' aspect.

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"He knows I am not that type of girl"

 

What does that mean? There is nothing wrong with nudity. Why allow guilt and shame to shape you? There are much more significant things to worry about in a relationship. We don't control each other. Your boyfriend has to accept you for who you are. He doesn't have to agree or like, but he has to accept. Regardless of his moral condemnations.

 

Please don't let this thing take control of you. Shame, insecurity, guilt... once they are allowed to fester they have an amazing ability to really manifest themselves in a relationship.

 

Life is to short. Enjoy!

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Thanks so much for your replies.

 

I really don’t know how to deal with this. A part of me thinks it is ridiculous to fear his reaction and he wouldn’t have the right to hate me for this. It’s not as if I cheated on him. He’ d think ‘I lacked respect to my body’ but after all, we weren’t together back then and there is nothing degrading about the picture. My friends tell me there is nothing wrong with the picture and he should be proud, not ashamed.

 

Chaosa and BlueAfterglow08– I would tell him but somehow I fear he’d split up with me for it. Even if we have a good, loving relationship now…but it’s true that if he found out, it’d be an enormous shock to him and he’d be really hurt.

 

Maybe if he knew how much I regretted it (I was even mad at my friend for a while for taking the pictures…)and how sorry I am he wouldn’t get so mad.

 

blue69 – that’s also what I think, after all that’s who I am, or who I was, and everyone makes mistakes. I mean before we met, he slept with a couple girls while travelling, got a girl pregnant (she aborted eventually) , a couple years before we met, didn’t tell me for a year and when he couldn’t hide it anymore and told me, I just hugged him. Everyone makes mistakes. And he has to accept that I do too…and probably never do this one again!

 

 

I am so confused!

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i don't see anything wrong with you having taken those pictures.

 

why do you think this is/ would upset him so much that he would consider breaking up with you?

 

can't you explain that you had no bad intentions. it was a girlfriend who took the pictures of you.

 

do you think he will be afraid because other people saw you naked?

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