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AM I A COWARD for being in the closet


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I'd respect anyone's decision about how, and if, they reveal their sexuality to others. If someone's calling you a coward, it's because you're not doing what they want you to do. That's their problem.

 

But over the years, I've had several guys 'confess' to me that they were gay, and all the anguish and fear of rejection that went with that, especially if they'd grown up in strict Catholic households. I could understand perfectly well that they didn't want this widely known, and I felt both humbled and honoured that they trusted me enough to talk to me about it.

 

Depending on your circumstances, staying 'in the closet' may well be a very sensible, sound decision to make!

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Someone recently called me a coward for being in the closet. Is this the way it looks to people, That people who do not disclose their homosexuality with the general public are cowards.

 

You have a right to choose when, if or to whom you disclose your sexual orientation. You are certainly not a coward. However, I have to ask if this person who said this to you is someone you are in a relationship with. If so then I can see why he would be upset if you are hiding the relationship from people and keeping him a secret.

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You have a right to choose when, if or to whom you disclose your sexual orientation. You are certainly not a coward. However, I have to ask if this person who said this to you is someone you are in a relationship with. If so then I can see why he would be upset if you are hiding the relationship from people and keeping him a secret.

 

no not all, just someone i was chatting with on a website. Basically i was on a site without a picture of myself, kind of like here, and someone said i was a coward for that.

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no not all, just someone i was chatting with on a website. Basically i was on a site without a picture of myself, kind of like here, and someone said i was a coward for that.

 

There are people on the internet who love to do nothing more than bait others. They live to make other people uncomfortable. Don't let them win.

 

The funniest thing about these people is that they'd never dream of challenging you to your face.

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no not all, just someone i was chatting with on a website. Basically i was on a site without a picture of myself, kind of like here, and someone said i was a coward for that.

 

I think this changes the issue in the thread. What type of a website is it? Something tells me it isnt a website like this one. Here anonymity can sometimes make people be more honest about the things they are going through. If you are on a cyber website, I guess it kind of depends on the circumstances. If you are honest about why you are on there, I guess there isnt much harm done. If you are on there to play headgames, and feel that you can do so because of your anonymity, I do see something wrong.

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Someone recently called me a coward for being in the closet. Is this the way it looks to people, That people who do not disclose their homosexuality with the general public are cowards.

 

Hey ATL student. I back what everyone else says about you having the right to choose when and to whom you out yourself.

 

That said, I'm going to give you my view, and that yes, as much as it's not really for me to judge, especially since I've never been a gay man, but also since I've never been you, when I find out that a man is closeted, or semi closeted "coward" is the first word which enters my mind. I will ask myself whether I think he's a coward or not. I will take certain things like age, where he lives, what his job is, how much support he has, how much confidence he has in himself in other ways, and what the culture of his upbringing is to decide whether I think he's a coward.

 

If he's 60 years old, lives in a small rural town, comes from a family from a strictly traditional and homophobic culture, has low self esteem in other areas of his life, and not many friends, then I'll cut him some slack. But if he's a well adjusted 22 year old boy, living in or near a biggish city with a decent gay presense, and all other things are working in his favour, I'll find it pretty weird if he's closeted. I know it's not easy anywhere for anyone, but I think if you have these things working in your favour, then it just seems unnecessary to suffocate your soul by being closeted.

 

As for the whole "your personal life is your business" argument. I think that's rubbish. Saying that reinforces the notion that being Gay is purely about sex. People who say, "don't listen to those meanies telling you you're a coward for being closeted. It's none of their business what you get up to behind closed doors." These are the people who reinforce the idea that while being straight is all about relationships and love, that being gay is just about sex. It's not! It's who you are. Who you can fall in love with. Who you can have the most meaningful bonds with. If you want to keep being gay a secret, then you're keeping who you are a secret. That's no way to live. It's much healthier to be able to be yourself and let who you are shine. When people say "it's personal" they're really saying "it's dirty and shameful." they seem like they are supporting you and empathising, but all they're doing is encouraging continued self hate.

 

Of course, it's best to wait until you're ready. But by that, what I'm saying wait until you are less of a coward.

 

sorry, but that's how I see it. (but it's you're life, and what I think doesn't really matter anywhere near what you think).

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I dont think he was being called a coward for not coming out, he is talking about chatting on the internet and not having a picture up. which raises a whole bunch of other issues. The coming out you are talking about is really about coming out to your real life friends, family and co-workers.

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He wasnt being called a coward for not coming out. He is uncomfortable sharing his picture when he is chatting. This is perfectly ok, but it does raise some issues. Some people with not chat with other who do not share their picture which is choice which is ok aswell. Like I said before it kind of depends on the circumstances when it is ok or when it isnt.

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Well thanks, that is good advice to hear. I have told my mother, and my best friend over the past year so I am making progress. I guess the nature of my sexuality is what kinda of keeps me in this limpo area. See I am not sure if i am gay or bi, but i am attracted to females, always have been, but i get my sexually eroused to gay thoughts, always have. And I also like transexual girls as well. I dont find myself checking out guys or having crushes on guys, although i havent been around alot of gay ones, so who knows. With girls i check them out, and develop crushes and have had relationships, without any sex. But either way I am trying to open up and begin to explore my homosexual side to clear my mind up, and before i go downtown and start spreading my wings, i do want to tell friends whats going on, Otherwise I feel i am keeping a secret and whenever i walk into a gay bar, and would be wondering who sees me, when i would rather, let everyone know where i am going. But my sexuality is very confusing and very frustrating( there have been endless girls who i felt i was in love with, or had really strong feelings with, and wanted nothing more than to be able to be with them sexually, but i just dont get too excitied with them. and it hurts being torn away from them.) Anyway thanks for the advice.

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