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I miss him at night, when he used to hold me tight. I miss him in the mornings, when he would kiss my forehead. I miss him in the day, when we would call each-other constantly.

But I know that he doesn't miss, any part of that, I doubt he has a passing thought of me. Other than maybe when he see's my pillow (which he wont post back.. not that I want it any more.).

I have everything he gave me in draws, and in my cuboard. The teddy he gave me for christmas "One I Love" has turned to be like all the rest, instead of reasuring me, like it used to, (when we was together) its not nice. Joined with the others, to make my life hell. Not that it matters, I am worthless anyway.

I thought he loved me, like I love him. But he doesn't any more, and did he? I was after all, his first girlfriend, I should have known it wouldn't be forever. I know it was me who did the dumping, but he made me feel like .

We faught the last time we talked while we were a couple, because I bought up the fact he slept all weekend, on the only time he visited me while he was at university. I only bought it up because it made me feel so bad, and he had ago at me, I wanted to try and figger it out, I mean, I stayed up all night to see him, and I didn't sleep all weekend. OK I didn't wake him up properly, but when I was at the laptop/computer he had ago at me for waking him up, saying it was stopping him sleep.

But when I was trying to sleep, and he was awake (or any point he was awake during the weekend) He was at the computer. Messing around, or when we went out to get 5gallons of cider. It felt like one rule for me, and another for him.

The only reason I came home to this hell, was to meet him, I wish I hadn't, I wish I had stayed in Scotland where I was safe. He doesn't like my Scotish friend, thought there was more going on, than there really was. Luckily my friend stayed true to me, and wants to make sure I am happy well and safe.

I miss him so much. The problems in the relationship were me, for not being able to stop all "unreasonable" thoughts being uttered, even though I stopped the majority, not that he believes me, or ever will. We had a great Christmas, or I think we did, we got on well, cuddled up close watched movies. I was happy, for a short while. Then we came to mine for new year, had an OK new year, but on the second of January, I got really sad, the reason doesn't matter any more. And I cried, I cried until he went away, and I cried for days after, when he went to uni, the monday, we broke up. He changed, again, I wasn't ready for the change, And he ignored me alot when he was there, I tried to text and call, but it was like when he started in september, the forgetfulness.

I know uni is a busy time, I am not stupid, but he didn't think about me, didn't think to call me, well he did, when he had five mins, before he was going out with his friends on saturday, I expected that, but it upset me that it was a five min call. He could have talked to me on the walk into town.

After we broke up, he told Licky (multipul personality) that he thought I had faked the misscariage, or I had got pregnant to trap him. This was before he even started uni.) Licky told him I had faked two suicide attempts, in reality I had got everything ready, and chickend out, I told him I had got everything ready, and just not said anything else. I may have let him believe I had tried, which is wrong of me, I admit that.

I miss him

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  • 4 weeks later...

I think one of the hardest things about breaking up is the notion that the other person isn’t missing you like you miss them. We tell ourselves that just because they are not contacting us, or they appear to be having fun without us, that it must mean they don’t care or never did. The truth is, we all just have different coping mechanisms. For some people that includes no contact, lying, or even living in a fantasy world. They find it easier to pretend they are happier rather than swallow their pride and admit to being in emotional pain.


Unfortunately, this also brings up the fact that when you date someone who hasn’t been in a relationship before you are more than likely not going to be the last person they are ever with, as you mentioned in your post. When people start out in the dating world, they are basically just getting a feel of what a loving partnership is, or might be like. Some people stray from this as it makes them uneasy, others have been successful at marrying their high-school sweetheart which is fairly uncommon and possibly an unhealthy idea. (That may be a matter of my opinion, but curiosity killed the cat right, so what do you think happens when you stick with someone who is always going to wonder “what if” about other people…)


Once one relationship ends, I find it beneficial to recall all of the good and the bad times, reflect upon times when you were the most happy, and unhappy in this relationship. This gives us a better understanding of ourselves as well as other people for next time.


For example, if you think back to and remember that you enjoyed watching movies together – this is a common ground which two people can share and it’s an excellent pastime. It’s educational, it’s entertaining, and it warms our hearts to be able to cuddle up to the one we love and spend time together with them. This is the kind of memory we want to create more of, so now you know that when searching for someone else that’s one thing you really enjoy.


If you recall a time such as when your ex seemed unable to compromise about the sleeping issue, you need to remember that sleep is important to you. Remind yourself that in the future you need to find someone who actually has a general concern for your wants and needs in this aspect. This way, when you are considering a new relationship you can eliminate some problems before they ever happen again by finding someone who agrees with you on what is important to both of you such as sleep.


You see, by reflecting upon your previous relationship experience you just learned that you want somebody who likes to cuddle and watch movies, and you do not want somebody who has a blatant disregard for your sleep schedule. The more you reflect like this, the larger the list becomes of what you like, dislike, and the more you realize how you deserve to be treated (with respect.) Since life is all about learning and growing as we mature selecting the right person for us becomes much easier to do and our future relationships have a better chance of surviving once we really have our desires, and dislikes sorted out. Many failed relationships could simply have been avoided if people just took the time to talk about these critical issues before they ever got involved.


I know in times like this you may be feeling regretful, or even jealous, but believe me there is no reason to. Now that you have this experience past you, you can be grateful for the knowledge you have gained throughout the duration of the relationship which has come to pass, and carry on with you the understanding that what you want is important.


One cannot cater only to the other persons needs in a relationship. It seems you were taken for granted, and possibly taken advantage of because of your kindness. This does not mean you should not be kind, and trusting, and loving of others. It just means that you need to remember that your wants, needs, and feelings are equally as important.


There is no “I” in team. I hope you never forget that, if nothing else. The person who is right for you, is going to treasure you, and value you like the air they breathe. Life may be like a roller coaster, but if you follow these steps love can and will be extremely rewarding, and fulfilling in your future.


True love isn't just in the movies, I can assure you the movies got their ideas from real life. This is real life, I hope you live it to the fullest!


_ Brett

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