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I get no enjoyment out of sex or the thought of it anymore


mr me
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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I guess lately ive been writing some very intense threads. This is probably another eventho i dont want to get to into all of it. I will explain it the best i can tho. I can say ever since i broke up with my first ex, anything sex related just brings immense pain to me. She was everything that i was looking for in a girl at that point. She was my dream girl. Its just there were alot of things i didnt really know that painfully have had to open my eyes now. She basically left me to be with someone else. She said she would break-up with me anyways because we were fighting too much. I would say she was right but almost everything we ever fought about was because of her and her issues. Im trying to be fair and say that i had alot of issues as well but i at least tried to make things work. She just seemed to always try to break up with me because she either would say she wasnt good enough for me or she couldnt change the things that were causing us problems. I would say an example is her having a really hard time talking about things and communicating. She basically had a very little idea of who she was. I would try to say stuff like if she wasnt good enough for me then find me someone that was. I just never meet anyone like her that had so many qualities i was looking for and got along like we were soulmates.

 

I still till this day have a hard time not believing that we will somehow be together. It just seemed like things were too good for them to not work out. Its just in alot of ways things werent working out. I tried everything i could to try to make things work out and i feel like that made my life hell. Im still trying to deal with being co-dependent and having a family history of being in abusive relationships which my relationship with her was. It wasnt physical so i had no idea till it was all over and that made the break-up so much harder. I couldnt understand why someone that could treat me the way she did was the one breaking-up with me. I thought it should of been the other way around. I almost broke-up with her once because i thought she was actually totally different around her friends which is one of the things that really bothered me about girls that i knew. She basically couldnt even deal with the type of stuff i was saying because she couldnt handle the thought of me breaking up with her. We worked that out but then everytime we had a conflict she would be afraid of me doing that again. Its just i could never see myself breaking up with her again because of how it was for her before. That made everything really weird i guess from that point on for me. I dont see myself being the person to break-up with her because even to this day i dont really know how to live my life without her. It just makes it seem like if she did break-up with me that because i didnt want to do it because of how she felt, that i couldnt understand why she wouldnt do the same for me. I guess thats not the best idea to think but when your in a relationship that you didnt want to end that just kinda crossed my mind.

 

I guess as you can see she did break-up with me but it still didnt really make sense. It was stuff like she say she was co-dependent and didnt want to end up like her parents because of the abuse in her household. I just didnt get why she couldnt work on something like that or at least try to instead of just not dealing with it and gettin away from it. She would also say stuff like she didnt want to hurt me anymore. I just didnt get that because around me she would be nice to me but then she would say stuff like she didnt know why i was still trying to get with her when she wanted to break-up. It was like she was trying to hurt me to get me to get away from her. Its just i would always try to deal with whatever she did because i thought she would change or realize what she was doing wasnt the right choice. I guess i wanted to talk about how i cant think about anyone else sexually but alot of stuff i wrote is stuff ive never really been able to talk about before.

 

Its just like i cant believe someone that would say stuff like she wanted to be with me forever and seem to be really in love with me just change the way she did. We used to even say as long as none of us didntt change that we would be happy with each other for the rest of our lives. I know that her meeting someone else changed things but even from her own words she still would say i was like her dream guy. It just seems that she didnt want to get hurt and thats basically the same way i am now because of how she treated me. It seems like all the hardships i had to endure with her somehow have developed with myself. I guess in a sick way if your abused you somehow become the abuser. Im trying to do anything i can to help myself thru this but for the most part i have no idea. I was obsessed and still am and i really dont know how i could ever be with someone else. Sometimes i even have a hard time seeing like the relationship is over. The only time i have ever enjoyed the thought of sex is when it was like how it used to be for me before things in my past relationship with her ended. I just dont really know how you can enjoy sex again when the only person you wanted to be with has hurt you so bad that all it brings to mind is pain and sometimes really dark thoughts when you think about sex. I almost feel like everything that i was looking forwards to was taken away from me almost like if i was raped somehow. It in turn has made me thinking frequently of raping my ex. I dont even like to think like that but thats kinda the sick reality of my life now. Ive so long tried to struggle with thoughts like that and have felt so much shame over it. I still dont even know how im able to think like that but thats basically the truth. I dont want to be in any relationships while my mind is messed up the way it is and dont think i should be. I basically just dont get any enjoyment out of thinking about sex unless it has to deal with my ex but at the same time that same person has hurt me more than anyone could ever hurt me. I was so close to her and couldnt see myself ever doing anything to hurt her. Its just i know that things with us in my past wasnt healthy but there really isnt too many things i know to do anymore to deal with a past like that. I also dont know how anyone could be with someone that has had to go thru something like this. Im trying to deal with it the best i can but sometimes stuff like this just doesnt make any sense so its hard to think of anything that could help you. Im trying not to think stuff like there isnt anyone that will be with someone like me because i know that isnt going to help me but its pretty much hard. I think also me still struggling the way that i am also makes it hard for me to see things differently.

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You mentioned u guys fought a lot, that could be one thing that helped her finally push to end it. However, if she really wanted to be with you, wanted things to work, i believe she would have worked with you on them. You said u were always doing everything u could to make things work. Thats because u really wanted to be with her and wanted things to work out.

 

She might have been a great person, one that had a lot of qualities u liked, but she was missing one. She was not fighting to be with you, working with you for the relationship, or perhaps she was at first, but has given up.

 

I know its hard, and u dont want to, but u have to accept things and move on... if u want to find someone else and be happy again.

 

One last important thing, relationships are not all about sex, and some people go until marriage before having sex. You have to find another woman that u really like, get to know her, adore her, then your thoughts of sex may resurface. at this point, ur thinking if u cant have it with her u dont want it.

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How long has it been since you guys broke up?

I for one feel the same way. However, it's been only 4 days since my breakup but the thought of sleeping with anyone but my boyfriend is just unfathomable. I only can imagine being with him. I hope this feeling passes with time though. Yet I understand that sensation. I always thought that once we broke up, I would find me a quick hookup to get over it. But I have absolutely no desire to do anything like that.

You sound like this has been taking quite a toll on you. She sounds very insensitive so keep reminding yourself that she isn't the dream girl that you keep making her out to be. Stay strong and best of luck.

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