thegirl_00 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Normally I hang out with my boyfriend every single weekend, but he is in vegas. So my lady friend and I went out for some drinks, although SOME drinks turned out to be many many drinks. My friend is single so we ended up talking to some random guys at the bar. Although they were good looking I definitely had to interest in them. After the bar closed my friend invited them to hang out at her place! I was NOT happy about this because one of the guys seemed to take a liking for me. He wasn't pushy, or directly hitting on me, but he was just very chatty with me and friendly. Four of us ended up going to her place, I made sure I sat on a different couch then the guy who took a liking for me, but he switched seats to sit beside me. I didnt want to be rude so I let him sit beside me. He never put his arm around me, or touched me or anything so i figured it was ok. But we were talking A LOT, and we were definitely flirting a little. It was very innocent, but I still feel as though I crossed some line. At the end of the night his sober friend drove me and him home. Then what I was afraid of.... the guy who liked me walked me to my door and gave me a hug! Ugh, it was so awkward. He asked for my number and it was so awkward that I gave it to him... he hasn't called me, but still. Should I tell my boyfriend what happened? I know this isn't cheating but I feel as though I did something wrong. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Well, some parts are questionable. The giving out of your phone is a big no-no in my book. I've been asked and approached and turned down because it sends off the I AM SINGLE message, and that is the part I am concerned about..you were behaving like a single girl. Nothing happened, so I would just leave it be. Don't put yourself in this position again though. It's not worth the upset and guilt. Most of the time I make a point of throwin the boyfriend line in ASAP so the guy can take a hint. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I agree with Asti. I've been in the "it's so akward I'm just gonna give my nr" situation and done it in the past. However, it's time to quit doing that if you're serious about the bf. I know you probably didn't want to ruin your friends fun by openly saying to the other guy you're taken, but it's best to avoid lies in the future. What if the guy calls and your bf is around? You'll end up lying. I'd let this go and avoid stuff like this too. Link to comment
karvala Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I don't think you should have given him your number. You said he was flirting with you and you have a boyfriend. When he asked for your number you should have said "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend" It isn't cheating, but I do think you crossed a line and should tell your BF and assure him you won't do this again in the future. Yes, I agree, except mention of your boyfriend should have taken place soon after they started talking to you in the bar, to avoid any misunderstandings. It's really that simple. If you mention your boyfriend, a decent guy will back off at that point, and there is no problem. If you don't mention your boyfriend, it looks a lot like you're trying to appear available to keep his interest. In future, shut it down before it becomes a problem. It didn't turn out terribly well this time, although it wasn't too bad in the overall scheme of things, but next time it could easily turn out much worse. If you have a boyfriend and you want to be faithful, it's easy, you just have to act like you have a boyfriend, all of the time. Not just at the end of the evening. Pretend to yourself that he's there even, if it helps to stop you doing something you'll later regret. Link to comment
csrc85 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 you're not a horrible girlfriend, but you probably should have mentioned at some point that you have a boyfriend. and giving this guy your number definitely wasn't necessary. you don't have to straight up say "hey, i have a boyfriend, so back off a little", but just casually mention your bf or say something like "last weekend me and my boyfriend...". that way you're also not leading this guy on. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Yes next time a guy starts talking to youn and tries to flirt let him know you have a boyfriend. You did not cheat but it can create a not so good impression plus misunderstanding. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 thanks for the reply's... I thought I should mention that this isnt the first time this has happened.. The phone number thing has always been a problem for me. I would never ever cheat, but I get so awkward when it comes to people asking for my number, I always feel obligated. I would be SOO upset if my boyfriend gave him number to a random girl at the bar. Link to comment
DN Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Why didn't you tell him you had a boyfriend - and why did you give him your number? You do seem to have misled him somewhat. Is your boyfriend likely to find out what happened in any way? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 thanks for the reply's... I thought I should mention that this isnt the first time this has happened.. The phone number thing has always been a problem for me. I would never ever cheat, but I get so awkward when it comes to people asking for my number, I always feel obligated. I would be SOO upset if my boyfriend gave him number to a random girl at the bar. Like I said, I had this problem. But it's time to make some changes I think. Specially if you'd hate your bf doing the same to you and flirting with other girls just b.c he felt akward telling them he had a gf. Think about it. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I think you're making it hard and awkward because you've led the guy on all night and now suddenly have to say "Sorry, I'm taken..." If you didn't behave that way, dropping the B word isn't that hard. I'd watch it. If this isn't the first time, going out and acting single will spread around and will come back to bite you. You need to change YOUR behavior and the way you act. Put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes. If you can't behave with your single friend, don't go out with her. Link to comment
alli Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 It seems like you were making an effort to not do anything questionable but were just placed in a situation that.. without doing a couple critical things.. put you in a bad situation. As the others have said, mentioning your bf early-on would have avoided a lot of this. A good technique would be to send your bf texts a few times throughout the evening, then they might ask who you are talking to. Or just mention him in the conversation. Smiling & joking with him is ok. Lots of eye-contact is an indicator of flirting so don't do that! Also, have a group conversation rather than one-on-one talking all night. And finally, at the end of the evening as he was walking you to the door & asking you for your # you should have said something like "I may be totally misreading how things went hanging out tonight with you but I need to clarify that I have a bf. I do like you- as a friend- and I should have clarified that sooner." That is what you should say when he calls you. Link to comment
abouttime Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 What if he calls when your boyfriend is with you. Or if your boyfriend looks or hears a message from him. He will know you at least entertained the thought of cheating. I mean did the guy read your mind to get your number? Link to comment
DN Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Did you get his number? If you did I think you should call or text and say that you are flattered by his interest but since you can't return it you would prfer that he not call you. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 Why didn't you tell him you had a boyfriend - and why did you give him your number? You do seem to have misled him somewhat. Is your boyfriend likely to find out what happened in any way? I'm pretty sure he knew I had a boyfriend. My girlfriend brought his name up at some point. when we were outside and he asked for my number I tried to pull the whole "oh why dont you give em your number instead" but from what I recall that didn't go over well and he insisted I give him my number. My boyfriend wont find out what happened unless i tell him... Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Good suggestions. Make a point to say "I just want to make sure my boyfriend arrived home from his trip ok..I'll be right back.." and go and pretend to make a phone call. Any opportunity to drop it in, get it in there. You will surely avoid the awkward can I have your number scenario. If you behave single, he will pursue. If you behave like you're in a relationship, he shouldn't pursue. Link to comment
csrc85 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 why did you feel like you owed it to this guy to give him your number? you had just met him. in the future if you can't avoid the "awkwardness" just give him a fake number. i know i wouldn't be too thrilled if i found out my boyfriend had given a girl his number who he'd just met, just because she'd asked for it and he "felt too awkward not giving it to her". Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I'm pretty sure he knew I had a boyfriend. My girlfriend brought his name up at some point. when we were outside and he asked for my number I tried to pull the whole "oh why dont you give em your number instead" but from what I recall that didn't go over well and he insisted I give him my number. My boyfriend wont find out what happened unless i tell him... Did she just mention a name? A name is just a name, your dad, your brother, your gay friend. Or did she say YOUR BOYFRIEND X? Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 Did you get his number? If you did I think you should call or text and say that you are flattered by his interest but since you can't return it you would prfer that he not call you. Ya... when i gave him my number he called my phone infront of me to make sure it was the right number lol. So i do have it... you think i should text him and tell him I have a bf? Ugh, its so awkward. Link to comment
alli Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Ya... when i gave him my number he called my phone infront of me to make sure it was the right number lol. So i do have it... you think i should text him and tell him I have a bf? Ugh, its so awkward. He is going to have to find out at some point! And sending a text isn't nearly as awkward as doing it to his face... or answering his call in front of your bf trying to explain that you are unavailable when he asks you out on a date. Link to comment
purpleduckie Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 ummm, "it keeps on happening to you" because you keep putting yourself in that situation. if you mention boyfriend ahead of time, most guys will back off. and if they don't, it wouldn't be awkward in the end. the way you act, of course you will feel awkward! you've misled the poor guy. i dont know why it's so hard to just mention your bf randomly in such a long conversation. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 I texted him and said "sorry, I have a boyfriend and should have made that more clear" Link to comment
alli Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I texted him and said "sorry, I have a boyfriend and should have made that more clear" Did he respond back? Link to comment
Maya_A Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 First thing first, is to develop the backbone & skills not to give your number just to whomever asks... That must put you in all kinds of uncomfortable ongoing situations... What I am not sure I understand, is that having a boyfriend is a great reason not to give your number that needn't feel awkward for you. It seems it would feel more awkward if you were single & just didn't find that person attractive & didn't have any other reason for not wanting to give it. Maybe because you felt you led him on a little during the evening, it was difficult for you to mention the bf later on.... I don't recommend this (again, just saying you have a bf is needed) but why didn't you just give a bogus number if you were not going to mention you bf... At any rate, you sent a text to him on that now... That's great. Though remember that it can be unfair to the other person (not only your bf) as well. If he liked you, he is probably confused as to why it seemed to be going ok (the flirting, hug, giving your number) & then suddenly you say you have a bf... Let how you handled it now (the text) be a precedent to how you will handle it outright next time around.... Link to comment
Maya_A Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Ya... when i gave him my number he called my phone infront of me to make sure it was the right number lol ^^^^ I just saw that... Geez - how must you have been feeling? Make your life easier & learn how to mention from the get-go that you have a bf... Did your female friend not want to help you out a little either? It's not her responsibility by any means but as a kind gesture let's say, being that you are not able to do this yet, she could have mentioned during the evening that you have a bf.... You aren't a horrible gf though if you continue to do this (you say it has become somewhat of a pattern) it may become an issue/red flag for anyone potentially dating you. I also have to wonder what happens when/if the guys have ever called. If you can't ever say you have a bf, how far you let it go... Do you sometimes speak to guys who have called, etc... Link to comment
Gracelove Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 You didn't kiss him or anything, you just flirted with him while you were drunk??? That's nothing. Tell him, don't tell him, either way it's no big deal. You shouldn't feel badly at all. Link to comment
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