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Scared of 1 on 1 conversations with people..


Ms.Lady

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I don't know what to really say to people when I'm out with one person or if I'm on the phone. Normally I like to make friends with people who are good talkers, meaning they talk most of the time and I just sit their quietly,comment and listen. However when meeting new people & being with just one friend, I find myself to be quiet most of the time because I really don't have anything to contribute or anything to say. Then it doesn't help when the other person isn't much of a talker and there just seems to be this awkward silence the whole time while we're out. But I notice when these same people are around other people or if we're with other friends, they seem to be more talkative and open up more, so I have to ask if the problem is me.

 

I think the majority of my problem is my life is too plain and boring so when it comes to talking to people, I don't have much to say because I have nothing to say. It seems like when I'm with people, they always have these amazing and interesting stories to tell about what happened to them here or what happened when they did this. Sometimes I have to make up stories and become somewhat goofy to get attention and I must admit it's pretty pathetic.

 

I think the icing on the cake was when I had a phone conversation with a dude that asked me for my number a couple of days ago and I gave it to him. So he called and the conversation was very weak. Mostly dead silences and I tried to come up with topics that may have interested him and all I basically got from him were yep,ok, alright responses. This has happened before with some people.. I just want to be more interesting.. I don't know.

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Hi, MsLady! I'm an extremely social person, almost always find something to talk to people about. I've been trying to help my best friend and boyfriend with this because they've told me they have problems with the same things you have. And even I, on occasion, will experience this too.

 

There's two ways you can go about it. One is rather easy and the other takes a smidge of work.

 

If I ever do bump into an awkward silence with someone and I haven't done anything too thrilling lately, the easiest thing to do is bring up how I feel about something and then ask the other person how they feel about that subject. No matter how boring a persons life can get sometimes, everybody still has feelings.

 

The other approach is to start doing some VERY interesting things and shake up your life a bit. Then, after a week or two of doing all sorts of new and interesting things, you've got stuff to talk about for weeks...and possibly years, depending on how interesting it is!

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I've felt that way all too often.

 

Usually my problem is that I think I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to the conversation. So I started paying close attention when I'm around other people, trying to make sense of what they would say and how they would say it. What I found is that there's usually a listener and a speaker, but the roles can switch during conversation. You seem to be comfortable with listening, but not speaking, though. I also noticed that what the speaker says is a chain of his or her thoughts, whether they may seem worthwhile or not.

 

There lied my problem, and possibly yours too! Say what's on your mind, no matter how boring and/or off topic it may seem, it will most likely lead to something better, or will trigger something from the other person.

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Try listenning to talkback radio a bit more. I thought it would be boring but it brings alot of topics out. You then have a better general knowledge of things to discuss.. Also ...i find when conversation pauses peoples eyes are taking in your prescence...this is good..smile... then any conversation is good...

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