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Ex texts after 1 month NC....


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The last time we talked I asked her to only contact me if she wanted to talk about us.

 

Yesterday I get a text from her saying only this "I miss u".

 

My dilema: Should I respond back?

 

 

Well honestly this is a good text she sent you. Unless she is messing with you but if this is truly how she feels and you want to get back to her then i would say this is a great start to talk about "US". but then it all depends on you feel, but yea reply if you miss her also and want to get back together. Currently I am waiting for a text like that from my ex.

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I do miss her and I would like to talk about us. The problem is I don't want to go back to square one. I care about her so much that if we got back together I think I would be so insecure. As weird as it sounds I dont no if im strong enough to get back together because I care about her so much. It is hard to explain.

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The last time we talked I asked her to only contact me if she wanted to talk about us.

 

Yesterday I get a text from her saying only this "I miss u".

 

My dilema: Should I respond back?

 

This is a classic dumper line..."I miss you". They often write that kind of BS but when you ask them if they want to get back together they either say no or say wish washy things to keep you on a string. You told her to contact you only if she wants to get back together..if she wanted to get back together she would have sent you much more than an "I miss you" text. I would ignore it and read the many, many, many posts on this forum from dumpees who got the same "I miss you texts" from their dumpers.

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I do miss her and I would like to talk about us. The problem is I don't want to go back to square one. I care about her so much that if we got back together I think I would be so insecure. As weird as it sounds I dont no if im strong enough to get back together because I care about her so much. It is hard to explain.

 

Actually, that makes a lot of sense. I think you could either not respond or write her back and say I miss you too but I'm not ready to talk right now. It sounds to me like you have some more healing to do and it would only hurt you to talk to her. But I could be wrong... you in your heart will know what's best for you.

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Yeah, you need to be careful with this one. She might be missing you, but at the same time she probably has someone already. I think you should stay strong and continue NC because you already said you don't want to go back to square one. If she has any intentions of getting back with you nothing will stop her. Let her send something meaningful you can respond to. I wish I had control of my emotions when my ex used to send me texts at first. Set back really suk!

 

Hang in there and keep your head up!

 

gee

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I think there is nothing to say to that text honestly, I think your right gee if she is serious she would say something less ambiguous that i could respond to.

 

While I agree with that sentiment, I also think it's possible that she is scared of coming right out and asking for you back. Maybe this is her way of testing the waters. On the other hand, not responding may be effective in getting her to say something more if she is indeed interested in reuniting.

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I would always go with honesty...

 

You say you are still interested in dating her but need more time...

 

Instead of making guesses/assumptions(we are so often wrong when we do) on what her email meant/did not mean & acting on them, why not just act according to how you feel....

 

Do you appreciate the message? If yes, write & say "I appreciate your message". You already said you need more time... So why not just write something like "I appreciate your message, and I hope you are well. My note is short & I might be a little more on the quiet side for a bit, because I am reflecting on a lot right now. We'll be in touch more down the line a little.

 

As lady00 said, it may be that she is afraid, and testing the waters with her short email...

 

At any rate if you do like this woman & barring it having been a really bad/toxic relationship (& that is also a part why you are reflecting - I am not sure why you went NC) I would not greet something as emotional as "I miss you" with total silence. If that were to happen with me I would be hurt & I wouldn't reach out again.

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I agree but I have told her how I feel so many times that I dont want to be shut down again. This isnt the first time she has "reached" out after sometime of NC. It seems like everytime she does reach out though I tell her how i feel and then she doesnt feel the same so i go back into nc. We have been broken up a good 8 months now. If this was the first time I would tell her that but its not. She has told me she regreted breaking up, she has asked to talk before, she has asked me on a date, she has texted me and it seems like a brokn record. She reaches out I respond she pulls back I go nc she reaches out i respond...i am trying to break that cycle and either move on or make her do somthing seriuos to show me its different this time. The only way I now how to do that is just not respond to a text like that....why do i always have to put myself out there, why cant she for once put herself out there..

 

do u no what i mean

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Got ya. Yes. Thanks for sharing a little more background.

 

If that is the pattern then I change my prior reply completely....

 

It would be helpful for her to know that before you can entertain the idea of any kind of regular contact again, she has to be able to tell you why this won't happen again. What she has done (or is in the process of doing) with her inner self to get to an inwardly different place so that whatever causes her to keep pulling back does not happen again.... To let her know that NC is best until such time, and then again you are in NC, even if she continues to try to "hook you".

 

Unless you have already specifically told her along those lines. If so, I wouldn't reply & break the NC.

 

Again, she needs to understand why she keeps doing that, and how to stop it... Then, share it with you.... After which you could take it from there....

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I agree and I think I have done that. The last time we talked I told her that I am not trying to be mean or rude but I would ignore any attempts to contact me unless she was seriuos about us. I have also told her that several times. Honestly, the ball is in her court I feel, she knows how i feel and if she really was seriuos she could say somthing a little more, even somthing like can we talk not just i miss u. Of course I miss her to is that what she wants to keep hearing.

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