Jump to content

"Breaking Up" in person would be too painful


lisa1126

Recommended Posts

I am not technically/officially in relationship with this person, but it definitely was more than a friendship. Due to age gap and life stage issues, we also both knew that there is no future in our "relationship". He is quite happy with the level of emotional intimacy, closeness (friendship), and the ego boost he gets from this relationship. I, on the other hand, am not able to handle the hurt and pain of love that can not go anywhere. We have not been physically intimate, although, the sexual attraction is certainly there.

 

We text all througout the day, talk on the phone several times a day, and meet once a week for several hours. He has a very busy schedule and very disciplined with his life. I want more from him but I can't get more.

 

I have been thinking about "breaking up" and at a point where I really do want to go through with it.

 

The question I have is I just don't think I want to bring myself to talk about this in person with him. It will be really hard for both of us.

 

I have read other posts on this issue, but can anyone vouch for breaking up over email or text? Took considerable amount of time sorting the thoughts and words for the content of the text which is his preferred method of communication.

 

Your feedback will be greatly appreciated, either way. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's not a relationship, why are you bringing up breaking up? I'm confused...are you dating? What would you describe what you have as?

 

 

I just don't understand how breaking up is necessary if there is no relationship in the first place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For over a year now, we go out eat together, gone to the movies, broadway shows, events, picnics, etc. etc.. We talk and text many times throughout the day, he says "I love you", "I need you" "if I was born ****years earlier, I would have married you", "I'd die for you"

 

For me to go on NC, I would have to give him some kind of explanation. I guess this is what I am referring to as "breaking up", for the lack of better term.

 

I hope I made it a little more clear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All along, I have held myself back. Sometimes, though, when I couldn't just be silent, I would reply, "I love you, too" but it was very far and few in between.

 

I love him very much but it can't be...so I have been mostly holding back expressing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DN,

 

Yes, I am sure this relationship can't work.

I can not have children and there is really a significant age difference.

And, realistically, I wouldn't want to marry a man this much younger than me.

I don't even know what this feeling is that I have for him. There is so little commonality in every aspect between the two of us, and yet, we are so attracted to each other, and get along great, and he is not an easy person for anybody to get along either.

 

I long and yearn for him all the time, and miss him all the time, but asked do I want to marry him? my answer would be NO. And I know he won't marry me, either. We both knew that from the beginning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a really silly question, and I can't even believe that at my age I should even be asking this question...please bear with me...

 

I've only kissed him, ever, on the cheek maybe twice. We always hug when we say good bye.

 

I am envisioning this talk tomorrow, why I need to go on NC, and afterwards when it is time to say good bye for good, I want to kiss him on the mouth. All along he would have loved to have gotten a kiss from me. What do you think? to ease the pain of this breaking up... I am tearing up as I say this now...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lisa, your situation is very very identical to what I had with my "friend" (you know the story). Mine went for 3.5 years. We used to meet 3 to 4 times in person every week. Imagine the amount of face time there. On top of this she used to call me, email me, and text me all the time. We went to the movies, concerts, games, opera shows, dinners etc... She used to say "i miss you" and "i love you" all the time. But by the end of it all she also had the nerve to say that she likes me only as a friend.

 

Since you are only a friend with this guy I personally think that there is no need for an official break-up talk. You do not want to invite drama at this point. Just drift away. If he does contact you just respond and keep it light. Do not initiate anything and do not be available for the movies or dinners any more. Just say you have plans with other friends or that you are busy. You really do not owe any explanation to this guy.

 

Does he have a girlfriend? Does he date? If he gets a girlfriend I am sure that you will be dropped like you are a hot potato. Go away from him before you get that kick to the curb.

 

And of course, no kissing on his mouth. That's the last thing you want to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...