He just won't go away...

[cbear2486]

okay, so I haven't posted on this thing for a loooong time lol.. the last time I did.. I was kinda in a bad place.. but since then, I've changed A LOT.. I've moved on completely from the "love of my life"/ex-boyfriend.. and have met several really great guys along the way as well as made a couple of new close friends. I got closer to all of my other friends and have even grown closer to my parents and my brother. Just this past December, I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree ( something I definitely wouldn't have been able to do if I had a boyfriend). Anyways, as explained in previous posts, I had kept contact with my ex, which was a bad idea. I still had feelings for him at that time and the fact that we kept in touch on a daily basis didn't help me much. In September, after having been broken up for 7 months.. he got a new girlfriend ( one of our mutual friends told me about it). A few days later, after I found this out.. he IM'd me out of nowhere to ask me how everything was going and so I told him that out of respect for the new girl.. I didn't think that he and I should talk anymore. He wasn't too happy with that.. telling me that " that should be his decision of whether or not we should stop talking.." but in the end, he finally agreed. We went 3 months without contact.. meanwhile, during that time.. he would still talk to a few of my close friends online and my brother. Whenever he would IM them or message them, they all were in shock, cause none of them were ever close to him and they found it odd that he was all of a sudden talking to them to "catch up". In December, my job had a Christmas Party and since him and I work for the same company, we ran into each other. His new girlfriend was MIA and I had brought a date with me. The entire night was just really weird because he kept trying to talk to me.. after he became all buddy buddy with my date, I decided to go up front to have a few drinks with some of my other co-workers.. I got pretty drunk and at one point someone tapped on my shoulder and I turned around only to see my ex standing in front of me... yet again.. he wanted to "talk" and see how everything was going in my life... when I left the party later on.. I hugged everyone goodbye and when I got to him.. I held out my hand, but he pushed it aside and hugged me... thankfully though, after that whole ordeal, he stayed true to his word and didn't contact me, which was a huge relief. Here's where the problem starts.. for the past 3 weeks.. he all of a sudden popped up out of nowhere again.. he IM'd one of my close friends, he IM'd my brother's ex girlfriend, he spoke to my best friend, annnnnd last but not least, he messaged my brother yet again. In the long ass message he wrote my brother, he told him that he was sorry for not being around as much anymore and that he misses my family and how he feels bad for disappearing cause my relatives always treated him as if he were part of the family. I honestly don't know what to do at this point... he has a new girlfriend now.. one who he apparently is "happy" with, so he should be talking to "her" friends and getting close to "her" family.. and not mine.. he has no right to try and weed his way back into my life like that.. he's the one that broke up with me.. not the other way around... and now, I'm happy again.. I've finally moved on with my life and am in a better place.. I don't know whether or not I should break the "no contact" and talk to him about this and tell him it bothers me, cause at the same rate, I'm really close to a few of his friends, but that's only because they didn't want to lose me as a friend, since we all developed a strong bond. I think I would kinda look like a hypocrite in a way if I did that.. I don't know.. Does anyone else think differently? or have any advice as to what I should do? All opinions are welcome lol

[HerDestiny]

Congratulations on your Bachelors and moving on and being happy again. This is great news! However, it sounds as if your ex isn't in the same position in life that you are. He's trying to hang onto you. Apparently...the grass isn't greener for him on the other side.

 

When he broke up with you and started going out with someone else, you're right when you said he should spend time getting to know her family now. Not trying to go through your family to get to you.

 

When he's asking you how things are going, I'm sure he'd be very supportive and sweet if you said things aren't too good. He's waiting for bad news to come from you so he can try to move back into your life (and you already seem to realize this).

 

He broke up with you. He's dating someone else and probably keeping her at arms length in case things with you and him go in a better direction. He'd probably dump her faster than he did you. But, will he break it off with you again in the future if he gets that 'grass is greener...' feeling again?

 

If it were me, I'd write him a letter. Not speak to him in person or on the phone because...that could get ugly. What I mean by ugly is he's already trying to weed his way back into your life and contact with him, to him, will seem like an opportunity to keep trying. A short letter telling him it's time he moves on with his life and not contact your family anymore.

 

Mutual friends is one thing, family is an entirely different matter. It would NOT make you a hypocrite to expect your EX to stop contacting your family after he broke things off with you and decided to date someone else.

 

Just because it's not working out for him doesn't mean he can just change his mind.

 

Again, congratulations for getting to a much better place in your life!

[cbear2486]

Thank youuu! I totally agree with you and you made some very valid points. I guess i'll wait a little bit before I do anything, cause I honestly don't feel like starting anything up with him, but if he contacts someone close to me again, I will write him a letter as you say to do.

[getupkid82]

i would also have to second well done on getting a degree and moving on. you're an inspiration to everyone here. you're right when you say if he keeps it up you will write a letter. he can't keep doing that. it's not fair to you or those around you. a letter lets him know how you feel without you having to be there to answer any questions he may have. good luck

[cbear2486]

Thanks!! =)