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after 4 years i could n't win against his drinking why do i still hurt?


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I am having so much trouble getting over my long term partner cheating on me and leaving me on new years eve.

I know I should be used to him not being around as he disappeared on a regular basis usually whenever he had money, or his brother had money or his friends had money or when I generally thought things were getting better and he couldn't handle the noise the kids were making!

it sounds crazy when I write it down but the last time I was on this site i was close to killing myself and desperate to talk to someone as I slowly realised it was nearly midnight and he was out drinking with someone else who was going in for the kill on the stroke of midnight and as usual he was drunk in denial it was happening and just kept hanging up on me.(it still hurts so much every time I think about it I can t handle the though that he was with some one else after I have stood by him for 4 years) please help how do I stop it hurting without going out my mind

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Look at how he treated you...don't look at how you were hanging in there for him...look at how undeserving he is. Look at what a loser he is. You are hurting because your hopes and dreams are gone. Start making new hopes and dreams without him as the central figure. Realize that no matter who he is with after you, they will face the same hell you faced with him. You are so much better than him...you have both feet on the ground...you are not drinking yourself into a stupor. You are only 31...you have lots of time to turn your life around...don't waste another second mourning over this guy...there are much more worthy men out there....and even better, YOU are more worthy...get yourself together and focus on your life, your goals, your dreams which are completely independent of a partner.

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your quote about getting your ears checked made me laugh so i guess im not totally numb yet (although some times i think that would be a blessing i hurt so much) i used to be so strong but i have never dealt with drink before this close and seeing the man i loved giving in to it really cut me up i lost him that is how i feel really and there was nothing i could do about it believe me i tried! he nearly convinced me to get married to make us both feel more secure i actually have my dress at my mums i was that close (i just felt i have nt tried everything yet what if i don t try everything and that is what would have saved us!) it prob sounds stupid but i felt that strong how do i give up on that it hurts so much i was nt ready to give up and it has been taken out of my hands how do you do it when your not ready?

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it sounds like he might have some kind of alcohol problem. here you were, sticking by him, and he flicked you away. forget him. let this new woman deal with his crap, you can stay on your own. like CAD said, you're a young woman, with a whole life ahead of her, forget this loser! you deserve someone better.

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hi i think i saw you on line the night i was breaking down talking to some others about living with some one who drinks i joined that night but got too upset to talk and i cant find the page again you all made so much sense it all really hit home i was going through the exact same situations you made me call for help instead of hurting myself thankyou x

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This is one of those times where you have to let your brain over rule your heart. If you let your heart call the shots you will never let go...so shut down your heart to him and focus on what your brain is telling you...he has a drinking problem and he doesn't want to change his ways and his actions have destroyed the relationship and your trust in him...he is not relationship material.

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i think what really gets to me is that he gets so upset and he really does want to be able to stop but does nt know how and i am not strong enough to help him anymore. he is really depressed about it and about losing his family how do i switch off to that i am just not a nasty person i can t help careing and urting when he does. does that really make me soft?

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he needs to go to the experts in that case. he needs to check himself into rehab where there are doctors and counselors. there is only so much you can do. he has a medical addiction, he needs real help. maybe he should go to AA, as another option?

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i tried to go to a counsellor with him and he went to drink counselling but his brother was always there when he came out his apts waiting with drink or to go drinking some it felt like it was so much wasted time and i was running out of options it is so hard when it is a family member that is helping the problem along.

he is always there waiting round the corner when i leave for work or phoning when he gets paid or he knows my partner was getting paid to see if he can get drink and once that one drink has been taken then that s it is nt it it never stops at one does it.

i know i can t win any more but it doesn t make the "what if s" and the missing go away because under it all is the man i love and that is what is so hard.

oh i hope this gets easier soon i think i am going through the hardest part right now help!

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Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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