Jump to content

I'm so tired of the self-interested game playing! I'm done!


justletgo07

Recommended Posts

She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

To get some background, see my previous post:

 

 

As mentioned in my last post, the most recent messages I received from her were:

 

"Ok, so just to clarify, are we still friends, or no? Because I'm a little confused on that."

 

And then about a day and a half later, after I sent no response:

 

"Did you not get my message, or was that a no?"

 

I went back and forth in my head all week about whether or not to respond. To me, her questions are both asking "Is there something I should be feeling guilty about?" Someone who actually cared, who actually was interested in being a friend to me, would accept wherever I am with her and my own healing process, and would just let me know that she cares and is there for me. I told her 2 months ago that we shouldn't talk for a while and that we can't be friends! She's clearly only thinking of herself.

 

Well, after debating and debating, I decided to send a response, since I was afraid not doing so would make me look like I was too hurt to talk to her, or that I was being petty. So yesterday I sent her the following:

 

"Got your message. Been really busy this week. I'll try to get back to you sometime this weekend."

 

I wanted to give the impression that this was not a huge priority to me, but show her that I'm not trying to be rude, and I really had been too busy to deal with it. In retrospect, I shouldn't have cared or even thought about what she might be thinking or feeling. I let myself get sucked into her game playing. This morning, I woke up to the following response:

 

"Ok, well I'm in Oklahoma this weekend with my sister and Ben (her brother-in-law), so I won't have a lot of time to talk on the phone..."

 

* * * ? When did I ever say I was going to call her, or that my response was going to be more than a simple text message? She's clearly playing games and trying to have the upper hand, because she didn't propose a time that would be good for her to talk. She was just letting me know she's too busy and acting like she doesn't really care.

 

I'm so tired of this. I've spent all week stressing myself out over this. I should have just ignored her to begin with. I just miss her so much, and everything I do I constantly worry about messing up my chances of getting back together. It hurts so much that she's so focused on herself, and doesn't seem to have any consideration for my feelings. She broke up with me, and now she's toying with my feelings, instead of just leaving me be! I was actually starting to feel better!

 

I'm not going to play anymore. I'm taking myself out of the game. I'm not going to respond, nor am I going to respond to any further attempts to contact me. I'm so hurt and angry, and I am so tired of feeling like this. I care about her so much, but she is clearly incapable of caring about anyone but herself!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she is only interested in friendship then that is no good for you. And she will get that message and leave you alone.

 

If she is interested in getting back together (and she probably isn't) then she will be put in a position of having to say so or letting you go. Don't get your hopes up at all.

 

Having sent it you should then assume the relationship is over and move on as soon as you can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow...just wow...I am speechless. I honestly did not expect this response from her. I'm not even mad. I actually laughed when I saw it. She is unbelievable. I am just blown away by her monumental selfishness. For the 1st time, I am beginning to feel like she did me a favor by breaking up with me...

 

So I decided to respond, and sent the following message:

"No reason for us to talk. Being friends with you is not in my best interests right now."

 

Her response:

"Ok...I'm sorry to hear that...Did I do something?"

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

/handface

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm getting to the point of complete emotional exhaustion with this. I know I shouldn't have texted back, but I did...

 

So, I responded to her latest text with:

"____, we already had this conversation."

 

Tonight, I got 3 messages in a row from her:

Her: "I guess I just don't understand... And the idea of not being friends with you makes me really sad...I mean, you were my best friend..."

 

Her: "I'm sorry...I'm not trying to make things hard on you."

 

Her: "I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

 

She's so selfish, and now she's trying to lay a guilt trip on me to manipulate me into doing what she wants. What nerve! I don't think I'm going to even respond back. She's doing an excellent job of pushing me away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i think that's all you can do for now man. not reply for a while. you need to have some space. my ex wanted me to meet up with her this coming week for dinner in one of our fave restaurants. after initially agreeing i text her the other night saying i couldn't cos my feelings for her were still way too strong and she's with someone else (rebound i think). i haven't heard back from her but i'm starting no contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

 

Send back "Thanks, I am glad you understand now. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't message me any more."
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What about:

 

"____, I am happy. I really am ok. I just don't want to be friends right now, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't message me anymore."

 

I just don't want her to think this is because I am hurting or sad. It's because I don't WANT to.

whatever it takes to make sure she stops.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What about:

 

"____, I am happy. I really am ok. I just don't want to be friends right now, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't message me anymore."

 

I just don't want her to think this is because I am hurting or sad. It's because I don't WANT to.

 

I think that this message sounds very strong. Send it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hate to admit this, but after getting to a similar point with a woman a few years back, every time she would send one of the manipulative texts, I'd just fire back a come-on, it really worked well but I felt childish. What it really did was get me laughing at a bad situation, went something like this:

 

Her: So we are still friends, right?

Me: What are you wearing?

 

Her: Im sorry things have turned out this way.

Me: Want me to come over and "comfort" you?

 

Her: Are you ok?

Me: Sure, send me those red panties and I will be fine.

 

You get the idea. Not suggesting this as advice really, but it did work wonders the time I did it.

 

Or one I just thought of, "Sure we're friends! btw I'm about to have to declare bankruptcy, can I borrow $500?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, for those curious minds wondering how things went, here goes:

 

Decided after lots of thinking to send the following message:

"___, I'm fine. Really, I am. Things change when people break up. They have to, even if it's unpleasant sometimes. Just have to accept that this is what it is."

 

I know that many of you would have recommended going NC after this, but I didn't. Here's how it went down:

 

Her: "I know things have to change...I just don't understand not being friends anymore. I don't understand why you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore.

 

Me: "I'm being realistic. A 2.5 year relationship cannot be downgraded to a friendship overnight. Trying to force it won't do anything but cause more problems."

 

Her: "I feel kind of betrayed..."

 

Me: "Look, you made your decision and I've respected it. I haven't once been mean or said one cruel or hurtful thing a/b you to anyone...quite the opposite."

 

Her: "I know this sounds so selfish of me... I just feel really abandoned. I'm afraid you hate me and think I'm a horrible person."

 

Me: "___, I'm not angry or bitter, and I don't hate you. I've accepted it and I'm moving on with my life. If I don't look out for me, who will?"

 

Her: "I tried my best to be respectful and caring and to give you everything you said you needed, but I'm still afraid I didn't do enough. I'm so sorry."

 

Me: "You don't owe me anything. I'm just confused why you'd expect me to stick around after you broke up with me. You've been pressuring me all week. It's not fair.

 

Her: "I know you said you're ok, but I still feel so horribly guilty for hurting you."

 

Her: "I guess I just believed you when you promised me we'd always be friends. I thought you meant it, and you're friends with your other ex girlfriends, so I had no reason to believe otherwise. I was just so confused when you suddenly cut all ties with me without saying a word."

 

Me: "It took over a year for ____ and I to even start talking again. ____ and I aren't friends in large part because we tried to force it after we broke up."

 

Her: "I didn't mean to pressure you, I just didn't know what was going on, and you were so cold to me about it..."

 

Her: "I wasn't aware you weren't friends with ____, and I didn't know that about you and ______.

 

Me: "_____, you broke up with me knowing full well that it could mean losing me from your life forever. I've merely asked you for space and time."

 

Her: "I never meant to never be friends with you again. I didn't believe that would happen. We weren't on bad terms...And I didn't think you would just suddenly cut me out of your life without saying a word."

 

Me: "I just feel like you're being pretty selfish about all of this. You seem so focused on how everything is making you feel."

 

Me: "I never said never. I said not right now. And all I did was unfriend you on Facebook. It's just a silly website, and I did that FOR me, not TO you."

 

Her: "All I asked you was what was going on! You had done that earlier and then taken it back and said you regretted it. And then when I told you about the book, you were so short with me. I never said you did it TO me. I just said that I noticed it. I honestly thought all of it meant you didn't want to have anything to do with me."

 

Her: "All I did for the first half of this conversation was ask how you were feeling and if you were ok!"

 

Me: "You never asked me "How are you feeling?" You told me how you were feeling: betrayed, abandoned, guilty, afraid, etc. and what I did to make you feel that way."

 

Me: "___, look. I don't want to argue with you, and I'm not going to. This hasn't been easy for me. In fact, the last 3 months have been some of my worst."

 

Her: "I'm sorry to hear that... I thought you were doing ok until recently"

 

Me: "No worries. I'm better off for it. It taught me a lot of things."

 

Her: "Like what?"

 

Me: "Well, like to let go of things I can't control. To live in the moment and cherish what I have right now. To always be responsible for my own happiness."

 

Her: "Those are all really valuable things"

 

Me: "or that making sure that someone knows that you love them is a hundred times more important than winning an argument."

 

Her: "It really is..."

 

Me: "So is everything cool, or no?"

 

Me: "??"

 

At this point, I shouldn't have, but I began to worry about what she was thinking, or if she was ignoring me. I probably shouldn't have, but I ended up calling her. She had fallen asleep. We ended up talking for almost 2 hours, and it was one of the best conversations we have had in a long time. It had nothing to do with our previous conversation; just catching up, joking around and picking on each other, having a nice time. I know that participating in this with her may have hurt her perception of how serious I am about not being friends, and likely helped ease her guilt and "out-of-control" feelings. However, I never was needy or sad, and even on the phone, I was light-hearted, funny, and happy. I initiated ending the conversation, and she seemed hesitant to go. She said "I guess I'll....talk to you when I talk to you." and I respond with "Sounds good. Take care. Bye!"

 

Strangely, I've felt better today; less stressed and anxious. I have missed her a little more today, but I feel a bit more at peace with things. I'm not sure why.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Geez this woman is manipulative and selfish. Man, wake up, you are being used. She's probably not getting the response she expected from whomever she left you for, or had on the backburner while you were dating, and is doing anything to keep a hook in you for interim support.

 

This woman doesn't respect you or care one whit about you, only about herself. Really, it's that extreme and obvious from what you type, though you can't see it yet... you will in time.

 

The world is just a mirror for this woman, everyone and everything is just a reflection back to her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Be done. I went through something very similar. I agreed to be friends in time but said I needed space. Then I went no contact. She went crazy. Right down to breaking into my house. Did she beg for me to come back... nope. She broke in to ask me why I wasn't her friend. I tried to be calm with her but she wasn't listening. I was forced to embarrass her to get her to leave. Shortly after she started sleeping with one of my friends. I loved her too man, but you are seeing the behavior of a selfish, controlling and immature little girl. You can't fix that. You care more about her pain than she does yours. Try not to take it personally though. It's her, not you. I bet your relationship was plagued with games. The both of you played them. That's not an adult relationship man. You are still playing them because you are trying to make some twisted point to her. I know how you feel though. Just walk away. Know that in the future the minute you smell games like this walk. Hope this helped.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you guys think our converversation made her feel like she has the power back? I thought I stood my ground and made it clear what I wanted, but I wonder if by simply responding (and then calling her) that she got what she was looking for...

 

I'm beginning to regret even letting myself get into that. I was trying to be the bigger, mature person here, but I feel like maybe I gave her a lot more than she deserved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you guys think our converversation made her feel like she has the power back? I thought I stood my ground and made it clear what I wanted, but I wonder if by simply responding (and then calling her) that she got what she was looking for...

 

I'm beginning to regret even letting myself get into that. I was trying to be the bigger, mature person here, but I feel like maybe I gave her a lot more than she deserved.

 

This entire post was very similar to what I've been going through. I do think she got what she was looking for and probably feels like she has a little power but don't worry or think about that b/c what you said and did was right for you. Go back to NC and move on w/ out her. You seem to be doing a good job at that so far. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...