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"I can't be in a relationship right now" - true reason or bull crap?


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I just realized that it's the 3rd time I heard this in my life.

For different reasons - but guys just seem to always choose this explanation when it comes to breaking up or not commiting. They say how wonderful I am but it's just wrong timing for them.

 

If someone was so perfect for me - I would be ready for him at any point of my life!

 

Can "not being ready for a relationship" be a real reason??? or is it just a white lie to get rid of someone?

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From MY experience, it was a way of getting rid of me. To be with his ex I think. Which sucks cuz he said it and disappeared forever. And I never even attempted to email or call back after. I wanted to keep my dignity even if it hurt like hell and didn't want him to be able to talk crap about me.

I think I just wasn't the one for him but he had no balls to say it.

 

Another guy told me this too. But he basiclly wanted to continue screwing around other girls. I later heard he gave 5 more girls the same line... Still going.

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yeah it can be a real reason. my girlfriend and i broke up in october and while she is with another guy (rebound i think and hope) i saw this other girl a couple of times. it was my own way of coping i guess even though i was still madly in love and still am with my ex. i explained to this girl my feelings for my ex and that i am not ready for a relationship with anyone. i'm being honest. she didn't take it well but i didn't want to hurt her.

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well - let's talk about the guys you are dating. how old are they? in my experience, most guys aren't ready to 'settle down' until they are in their late 20s, early 30s, and have a lot of friends who are getting married.... if these guys are in their early 20s, if they are young and still in the 'party scene', they may be telling the truth - that they don't want to be tied down at this stage.

 

how are you meeting these men?

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Met them at: work, school and a party. They are in late 20s.

 

I'm not talking marriage here - just a bf-gf relationship that people have in high school, college and then it evolves to sth extra serious...

Plus I am a part of the party scene!

 

But I do get your point: it might just be them.

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i think these guys may want a few more years of partying. my 2 cents.... even if they are in their late 20s, if they are still living the party life, they just might not be ready to have what they see as a 'serious' relationship. (even if your definition of serious doesn't include marriage). sorry!!! hang in there. have you tried online dating?

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well - some (not all!!!!) people who are on an internet dating site are probably looking for a relationship. especially a site like eHarmony which is geared more towards long-term relationships. i mean, there are definitely players everywhere, no matter where you go, but it's worth a try! 2 of my friends got married last year to men they met on match.

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I know it works well for some people but I'm usually very cold to people I don't know and it takes me long time to accept someone even as a friend.

Besides when it comes to romance I feel like it should be natural, and online dating feels kind of enforced

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i had someone tell me he was not ready for a relationship (but still wanted to hook up), and it turned out the reason he was not ready for a relationship was he was already IN a relationship, living with someone else and lying about it!

 

that 'not ready' excuse is an all purpose out... whether it is a guy who wants to date a bunch of women at the same time and commit to none, or a guy wanting out of a relationship between he wants to date some new woman, to a guy who just wants out and is trying to find an innocuous excuse to make his exit. (women of course use these excuses too).

 

so just take at as really meaning that the relationship doesn't exist and is not going to, so time to move on if what you do want is a relationship.

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most likely its just a kind way of saying no.

 

but ive actually told someone im not ready now and told the truth, and ended up dating them after a few months of friendship. i was still getting over my past relationship and i dont think it would be fair to her for me to go further until i worked on that first.

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Guys aren't the only culprits, Girls use it too!

 

"I can't be in a relationship right now" -

"I don't want to be in a relationship right now"

"I don't want a relationship right now"

"I don't want a relationship"

 

Translation "I don't want to be in one with you"

And this depends on the situation. If they were in one with you, it's most probable that this may be the case

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If said sincerely, it's legit. My current SO told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship at that time when we first started spending one-on-one time together. He had just gotten out of a relationship and didn't want to get back into something that made him unhappy. We continued to spend time together, and little by little our relationship grew and developed.

 

If it's said insincerely, then it's nonsense and an excuse.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have any wisdom to give you to help you discern whether he said that sincerely or insincerely... other than trust your instinct.

 

YS

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there are 3 kinds of scenarios i've run into in my life that the timing can be bad.

 

1) if you're reeling from a previous breakup and still havent healed or let go. I met an awesome chick last summer after a very hard breakup, total gf material, but my head was far from straight at that point so i only could manage 1 date. i didnt pursue it further bc it wouldnt have been fair to her considering how messed up i was.

 

2) if you're with someone. i met a few while i was going out with girls who may have been great, but i had what i thought was a great thing going back then, and i don't just break off with someone unless i give them a full, fair shot

 

3) if you're about to leave for a big vacation, or a life changing event, LDR and fading feelings can mess up a decent potential.

 

however the scenarios you've given sound like someone wanting to play the field, or not ready to settle down.

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