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Obsessed with checking his facebook, keep finding nasty suprises but CANNOT STOP


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help help help!!!!

i got my ex's facebook password and i log in every other day, every time there is a nasty surprise like hes going to the club or today i saw hed been messaging a girl FIRST who i disproved of while we togtether, i cant stop cos while i wanna do NC and heal i feel like i want to know what is going on. Anyone been through this and stopped? any advice??

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don't worry i am the same. i don't log into his facebook but find myself looking at his profile all the time.

 

i have actually taken myself off there for a while as i find it so hard to get on with it when i am constantly reminded of him and feeling hurt every time a girl writes on his wall. i didn't want to delete him because we never actually ended things on bad terms... i just need time to move on.

 

maybe try that? just don't log on at all until you have moved on.

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it's normal to want to do this, but you have to stop. I haven't looked at my ex's profile once since we broke up, because it would actually kill me. Just remember that there is nothing you could possibly see on there that will make you feel better, and everything that could make it hurt more.

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Before I checked my ex's Facbook a lot. Not logging into her account or anything, just checking out her "wall" etc. After awhile I just kind of forgot about it.

 

I never actually went into her account though.

 

Too bad you couldn't send him a message to change his password. That would be tempting to login knowing it, but you really should stop.

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Then you are going to have to rely on your own will-power. But yeah, you have to stop.

 

Maybe if you get that urge, have a rule where you have to do a 45 minute - 1 hr workout before... kind of a buffer... Keep yourself busy..

 

But yeah, you have to stop. You are violating his privacy, and you probably wouldn't be too happy if you found out someone was doing the same thing to you.

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Hey there --

 

Now I can offer YOU advice! I know that its hard not to investigate what hes up to but is it worth hurting yourself? I did this many many months and found pictures of him hanging out with friends and in pics with other girls all happy while I was a complete mess...it sucked, it hurt me more than helped. I too had access to his voicemail and I would call it and listen to his messages and I remember my heart racing and palms sweating waiting for what I was going to hear...it was so scary. I resist the urge now becuase there is nothing we can do about it, it only hurts us. Think, are they doing that for us? Hell no they arent!!! They are probably out with the other girl or with thier buddies drinking and having fun while we are at our computers on this thread and hacking into their profiles....and crying at what we saw. Screw them. They dont deserve that. They already had the best of us. They dont need more of it. Resist it!!!!! I know its hard but try your best to do so. I AGREE with the poster Sweet Venus...be known as his ex NOT the stalker ex. Walk away with your head up. IT IS HIS LOST LIKE YOU SAID. Hang in there girl. We are in this together.

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i feel like telling him 2 change it but then would show him how obessed i am and dont want him 2 think i am being like that.

 

Firstly, jerk chicken, looking at this stuff is like looking into a crystal ball, only more misleading.

 

Secondly, he might have trackers on his page - people do, all the time, so he can see how obsessed you are. He might even do more to rub your face in it because he knows you're looking. Or the site could have 'last login' details, IP stuff, you name it.

 

People always leave footprints online, and they're easy to follow if you want to; and I assume you're not dedicated to being obsessed enough to want to learn how to cover yours. Sometimes that can be a tempting thought, like to create a new persona, get a floating IP, and seduce him all over again, only to reveal when the trap is sprung, either so he says "Oh I love you forever" or you get to laugh like a sexy nemesis ... but no, you're not going to do that because he's not worth it, really, is he?

 

Nope!

 

And you're so much better than that, and will find better than him.

 

Thirdly, when you really think about how satisfying looking is, it's really not. It would be more fun to wait for a train that never comes, with a severe case of thrush, and nothing to do but stand there and itch but not be able to scratch, or soothe the pain, honestly, right?

 

I've done it - --- haha the looking, not the metaphor.

 

It does wear off, the urge to look, and sooner if you repeat those three things to yourself, and really take them on. I think it can be quite seductive and thrilling to toy with one's sanity by entering the stalker realm. It takes away responsibility if the police or men in white coats come to take us away. Oh to be wrapped in a nice cozy cell and not have to suffer ever again. You know it's a fantasy though, because what you're doing is not turning up at his house and such - if the thought of *that* appeals, get some professional help, please. I suspect actually physically going to his house doesn't appeal though, and it's more a case of the weird crystal ball / easy access of the computer. It can be quite exciting to think of oneself as possibly unhinged, but scratch that and probably there's just hurt and a little voice saying "Help... "

 

You can do it. Help yourself.

 

Hm, why not block the site, too? You can do that ...

 

Plus, keep busy. Cliche but true. Amazing what a change of scenery will do for perspective.

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Many of us have had these moments. I unfortunately have my ex's password to everything since he gave it to me a while back. I checked his email/FB for the first few days after he left, and then I stopped. I realized it was so so unbelievably self destructive...it ONLY hurt me. It was brutal and it made me feel sick and I have to tell myself often to STAY AWAY. There is nothing in any of those places that is either my business or that would make me feel better. Seriously. Snooping is dangerous and crazymaking. It will keep breaking your heart over and over again.

 

It's like they say about resentment: it's like drinking poison and waiting for them to die. DON'T DO IT! If you have to post here or PM any of us DON'T DO IT!

 

Also, I read somewhere on here that if you CANNOT stop, log in and change his password to something random. Then he will have to fix it and will change it to something that you don't know, and then you are done. If you really can't stop yourself, give that a shot.

 

I absolutely feel your pain though. My ex's "lost love" from 12 years ago CONTACTED him after she found him on stupid FB. The floodgates opened. She will be here from overseas to spend 2 weeks with him next month, less than 2 months after he moved out of my house. We were together 4 years. Brutal. Stay strong.

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hey, thanks for the advice i know ur all right but its like i want to know what hes doing but really i shouldnt care because we are not together now and ur right he doesnt care what i am doing.

if i change the password i think he will changeit to the same thing again,plus wont he suspect ihacked in?

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Hey Jerk Chicken,

 

I totally understand what you are going through, whilst I didn't have my exs password we were still friends on facebook and he was using it as a tool to get to me. Posting pictures of his new girlfriend and writing everyday on his status how he was either on the phone to her or loving her. He met her off the internet and he is still posting classifieds on gumtree, so I know he is just playing her like he did me.

 

I was getting so hurt by it my sister unfriended him and his family off facebook. I thought I couldn't live without checking what he was up to but it was the bst thing that ever happened to me. I feel so relieved now and clear from it all.

 

Interestingly, the day I removed him as a friend a few hours later he deactivated his account! I obviously upset him by unfriending him and him knowing he could not use it to hurt me must have been annoying to him. He thought I wasn't strong enough but I proved him wrong!

 

So I suggest just removing him as a friend and being really tough on yourself not to log in. If you aren't that strong then I think you should ask him to change it.

 

GOod luck and I hope your doing well in your recovery xx

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There's a wonderful device that I know of that takes care of these Facebook problems. It's only a few bucks and you can pretty much find them at any hardware store, as a matter of fact they've been part of human history since the very beginning in one form or the other. It's called a "hammer." I will outline the steps to you right now on how to take care of it:

 

Step 1. Purchase hammer.

Step 2. Bring hammer to site of offense.

Step 3. Hold on to hammer firmly (two hands is recommended) and bring it down on the computer. Remember to let the hammer do the work or else your arms will tire out quickly.

Step 4. Curse out loud and mix in EX's name while anathematizing him

Step 5. Repeat Step 3 and 4 as often as necessary.

 

But seriously, such temptations are just part of the breakup process. It will get itself out of your system in time, but if you want to get over this quickly I recommend finding something else to do (watch TV, got to the gym) each and every time you want to go and check his Facebook. Soon enough there will be other things in your life preoccupying your time that you won't even think about him or his Facebook.

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Wow, that's pretty insightful and it's soo true.

 

I'm learning not to touch her facebook profile, as much as it's so tempting (e.g. mutual friend's list, or msgs posted on mutual friends wall)

 

A lot of people here are given the right advice, the best advice, advice that comes from years and years of experience. But do we listen. Selectively, yes. But we tend to delude ourselves into thinking that our situation is different, and that our love can be rekindled. It happens, but it requires a lot of discipline and work. It's when we start listening and seeing the broader picture do we realize that what people are saying is true. Then we could start healing.

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