flgirl777 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 So i live with my boyfriend.. we've been living together for 9 months.. and before that we dated for about a year. i feel like he always wants to be with his friends & hes always so much happier around them then when hes alone with me.. when i get into intellectual convos with him about stuff he kinda just sits there with his head down.. like barely paying attention. almost like its a chore for him. he doesn't really bother to say his opinion about it or anything. im getting really frustrated because i feel like i put much more effort into us than he does. and whenever he wants me to go out with his friends & him - i go (though i really am not all that social & dont have many close friends myself). he has plenty of time with his friends because i take 18 credits hours and work.. while he only takes 15 and doesn't work.. but he still always wants to be with them ( for whatever reason) which is annoying to me especially when hes hanging out with me but i can clearly see that he isn't all that happy about it. i think he thinks that our time together isn't as important or something because we live together. but lately Ive been depressed about the whole issue. and he doesn't get it when i talk to him. is there any way this problem can be fixed? falling apart.. help Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 like you said, you dont' have many close friends... I think this is the main problem. I would not want to date someone who did not do things with his friends. i think it is a mismatch. Even if you do not have a lot of close friends, do you do things on your own that you enjoy? Whatever it is, like going to teh gym or the libary, or going for long walks. you need ot be happy with yourself and not have somone else 'complete' you..despite ewhat Jerry Maguire says. That sounds like the main problem to me... that you don't have a lot of your own life, whereas he does. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 On the other hand, that's what broke my first BF and I up when I was in grad school. He always wanted to be with his friends and then come home for a booty call and a good dinner I cooked. In my case he didn't want responsibility or commitment, just fun after the first 18 months or so. Link to comment
a_lifters_life Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Hey - Im in the same case. Exept I'm the guy - imagine that ! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Since he doesn't work, who pays all the bills? Link to comment
davef Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 flgal, its cool that you like intellectual conversations. I wish I could find a woman who enjoys deep conversation and is also into me. Your bf doesn't know how good he has it. Link to comment
flgirl777 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 like you said, you dont' have many close friends... I think this is the main problem. I would not want to date someone who did not do things with his friends. i think it is a mismatch. Even if you do not have a lot of close friends, do you do things on your own that you enjoy? Whatever it is, like going to teh gym or the libary, or going for long walks. you need ot be happy with yourself and not have somone else 'complete' you..despite ewhat Jerry Maguire says. That sounds like the main problem to me... that you don't have a lot of your own life, whereas he does. in the past ive had some bad experiences with girlfriends.. i have a difficult time trusting them... & i also have a hard time staying close to them - in the beginning my friendships will be happy & giddy but then whenever i really get to know them i just end up hating them.. im not sure if its a personal problem or what but i just prefer to be on my own.. i like to do things on my own for the most part - i prefer that in most cases to hanging out with people.. but he's also much more naive about things.. he thinks hes going to be best friends with his friends from high school forever & yada yada yada.. & ive just never been like that Link to comment
flgirl777 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 Since he doesn't work, who pays all the bills? well we both have out student loans but my job obviously helps to pay my portion of the bills - he also gets $1500 a month from his dad for allowance.. Link to comment
flgirl777 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 flgal, its cool that you like intellectual conversations. I wish I could find a woman who enjoys deep conversation and is also into me. Your bf doesn't know how good he has it. thanks i wish he felt that way. but you know he certainly doesn't mind having retarded convos about BS with his friends Link to comment
a_lifters_life Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 thanks i wish he felt that way. but you know he certainly doesn't mind having retarded convos about BS with his friends Yeah, my girlfriend is the same way. Its funny you want what i want. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 in the past ive had some bad experiences with girlfriends.. i have a difficult time trusting them... & i also have a hard time staying close to them - in the beginning my friendships will be happy & giddy but then whenever i really get to know them i just end up hating them.. im not sure if its a personal problem or what but i just prefer to be on my own.. i like to do things on my own for the most part - i prefer that in most cases to hanging out with people.. but he's also much more naive about things.. he thinks hes going to be best friends with his friends from high school forever & yada yada yada.. & ive just never been like that Well it sounds to me like you both have a little work to do iwth people skills.... you say you end up hating your friends??! That is a serious social problem. if you prefer being on your own, that's fine, but obviously you don't hate your boyfiend. It doesn't help the dynamics of a relationship when one person is always out with their friends and the other hates their friends. Link to comment
flgirl777 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 Well it sounds to me like you both have a little work to do iwth people skills.... you say you end up hating your friends??! That is a serious social problem. if you prefer being on your own, that's fine, but obviously you don't hate your boyfiend. It doesn't help the dynamics of a relationship when one person is always out with their friends and the other hates their friends. yeah definitely. i think that one of the overall causes of why i drift away from ppl is because they let me down in one way or another.. im not sure if the problem is that i have too high of standards or what.. but also with the boyfriend i think part of it has to do with maturity too.. the fact that he can be really immature around his friends but im usually more serious - i mean i can joke around & have fun but for the most part i dont do the stupid things his friends do that ammuse him Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 like you said, you dont' have many close friends... I think this is the main problem. I would not want to date someone who did not do things with his friends. i think it is a mismatch. Even if you do not have a lot of close friends, do you do things on your own that you enjoy? Whatever it is, like going to teh gym or the libary, or going for long walks. you need ot be happy with yourself and not have somone else 'complete' you..despite ewhat Jerry Maguire says. That sounds like the main problem to me... that you don't have a lot of your own life, whereas he does. I totally agree with you....that is the same thing Dr. Laura says...right on...you are so right....Bravo for writing this statement...hoorayyyyyyyyyyy Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.