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Would welcome some advice!


Watchmen

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Hi, new to the forum, be nice to me!

 

Was in a relationship with my ex for just over 3 years. We both work together.

In May last year she ended the relationship citing that she wanted a family and I didnt ( i did, we just never properly discussed it)

 

For the first few weeks we remained friends and had no problems. She didnt seem to be making moves towards reconciliation and i started to go to pieces, became very needy, sent texts, cried alot, spent a fortune on gifts, basically everything I shouldnt have done.

 

I decided to move away from work in September and went to a different warehouse just to have a bit of space away from her.

 

Just after I left where I was working she started seeing someone else who also worked for the same company but at a different office. He is about 14 to 16 years older than her ( she is only 29) and has a child.

 

Initially i wasnt to bothered and around November discovered the concept of NC/LC/RC etc.

 

I occasionally see her at work and try to be as pleasant as possible. Everytime she mentions her new BF i try my best to change the subject although sometimes it is a bit difficult.

 

Just before Christmas I went NC and dropped off the face of the earth. She text me a few times over the holidays, just random stuff, nothing meaningful so I didnt bother responding.

 

i had a good 3 weeks NC before I saw her again at work. We spoke a bit, she asked what I had been upto, i said i had been really busy and left it at that.

 

Since the start of the new year I have really decided to turn myself around, have started doing some new stuff, tried to get out more and entertain more.

 

Last week i went out with a couple of girls on separate nights and had a really great time.

 

Saw my ex at work a few days later and it somehow came up in conversation that I had been to this nice local restaurant.

 

She asked with who and i told her and she asked if it was a date. I said that it wasnt and the girl i went out with was wayyyyy out my league for being anything other than a friend. My ex's response was ' no she's a bit rough for you'.

 

Although i have tried to maintain NC its hard because we see each other at work. Come February we will back working together, albeit not the same times but on occasion still closely.

 

Although I have got past my feelings of despair and am a bit more upbeat i still have days when i have really strong feelings towards my ex.

 

I just wanted to share my story and get some opinions, advice and views on where i go from here!

 

Sorry for the long post!

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Keep going and stick with the n/c unless you are at work. If it bothers you that much, just let her know you wish to do the n/c at work as well. Either that, perhaps look for another job?

You don't have many options. Seeing her often isn't going to help you.

Go out more as you have been doing. If you're not ready to date, then don't date yet.

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Thanks! Youve basically summed up the predicament I am!

i really like my job and wouldnt want to leave it ( and especially not for her benefit).

I cant go NC at work as i have to have some contact with her from time to time. I am also a bit stuffed as my boss is good friends with her new BF so i am not really in a good position!

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NC unless you're at work. Use discretion if she contacts you outside of work, but it seems like what youre doing right now is fine. I really wouldn't have said that she was way out of my league...kinda comes accross to her as you're putting yourself down, or don't think highly of yourself(you probably could, but obviously not high enough to think you can get anyone, esp this new girl). Saying that is unnecessary and way too much information. You guys aren't friends, and you want to perceive yourself as being higher and better than the you that she knows, which you are. So implying that you can't get someone because shes way better is not a good thing to mention, just for future reference. Like I said, your value takes a hit which it shouldn't, as obviously you're a good guy, and you shouldn't see yourself as anything less.

 

Stick with what you're doing, just don't overdo providing her with information. But other than that, you're doing fine. I highly doubt this relationship with this 14-16 year older guy will last.

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