The distance puts an awful lot of pressure on us

[fifi8]

Hi everyone,

 

I recently met a man online about a month ago. He lived in Wisconsin, I live in San Francisco. Things were going well, and after a week of emails we went to phone calls. The phone calls sort of launched us into a fairly intense few weeks, with the result being that we met up to spend the Valentine's Day weekend together.

 

He and I both felt that something was missing, but not all the time. Sometimes there was an incredible connection between us, at others there was nothing. It was weird. We talked it all to death, with the end result being that we really didn't want to miss an opportunity with the other one because we did have some chemistry, and we definitely liked the qualities of the other one.

 

But it's weird because we aren't going back to affectionate emails or phone calls. It's like the weekend set us back to the very beginning. We have decided to meet again, at least for now, but I'm confused.

 

Is it possible to get that initial attraction we had over the phone etc back, or are we just being stupid. Are we trying to hang onto something that isn't worth it? The distance puts an awful lot of pressure on us, but because of the 'something's missing' over the weekend, we don't seem to be at a romantic place at all, and I'm concerned we can't get it back now. Any advice?

 

Fiona

[Athena]

Hi Fifi,

To me it sound as if you guys have chemistry in some areas but not in all areas, I break it down to four areas of chemistry, Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, and Spiritual. Physical is obvious - you just see the person and your heart races. Emotional is a connection with who you are - your character and personality. Intellectual is obvious and Spiritual is about connections with your values, moral and standards.

 

When we meet people, we typically connect in one or two areas. Personally, I need to connect in all four areas in order to be with someone romantically.

 

It sounds to me that you guys are not connecting in one or more of these ways.

 

Now, there are some who will say, that you don't need to connect in all these area and that you can "work" at the relationship to fill those voids. Thats a personal preference.

 

-A