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Sweet Venus

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Today will my first day of NC with the Married man I have been in love with.

I have attempted NC so many times. I never thought I would have ever fallen in love with someone who is married. But it happened. We were friends before he wa married.I think I was already in love with him. By then it was too late.

 

So after months and months of bitterness on my end, it's time to step back.

He wants me in his life on HIS terms.I am sick of it.Isn't that how it always is with MM though? He knows I love him and I want more. Sometimes I think it's a power trip for him. I need to show him I don't need him.

 

We agreed to some time apart. We have been a constant in each others lives for more than two years. not talking to him is going to be hard.He's one of my best friends. We've been fighting so much the last few months over the anguish this causes me. Now it's time to let time and distance do it's thing. I told him a couple weeks of NC is mandatory. After that anything is possible. I may decide I never want to talk to him again, or I may realize I can't live without him. I don't know.It remains to be seen.We have never had NC. Even when I was at my angriest, a few days I was OK again and missing him.

 

So I'm using this time for ME. I hope I can be strong.

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Well today is day four of NC. I miss him a lot but I know this is a dead end road.

I wish I had never met him..but I can't change that now. All i can do is move forward

and try not to look back. I read somewhere that the percentage of MM that actually

leave their marriages is only about 3%. NOT very good. Besides would I WANT him

after all this??? He has a lot of baggage too. Been married before. Has child support.

Then he'd have TWO ex wives to deal with. Not exactly my cup of tea. No..the more I think about it, the more I realize I am better off without him. Even though I care about him and wish him happiness.

 

Yes..I am much better than that.

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