How on Earth am I supposed to know how she feels about me?

[beejy04]

OK. I am 18, a senior in high school, and have been with this girl for almost a year and two months. Now, heres where it gets complicated....

 

December 2002, i started to become interested in one of my not-so-close friends from school. We used to hang out once in a while but were still shy around eachother. Well we started hanging out over Christmas break and one thing lead to another and boom, we were a couple. I was the first person she had ever even kissed. We were both 16 then and very very happy together. As the months passed, I told her that I loved her. She was so excited and she told me the same. We were fine and everything was going perfect, until she met a guy from the Private School in town (her house is right accross the street from the college campus.) She went with her friend one night to hang out with this guy and his friend, she said it was because she wanted to make new friends and she thougth he was fun. Well, i hated it more than anything, knowing that he wanted one thing from the girl i loved. But I told her that i didnt care if she hung out with him, keep in mind, through this whole relationship, i have treated her with the utmost respect and gave her all of my trust. Well, not even a week after meeting this fellow, she broke up with me. It was the first day of my senior year in high school, and also our 10 month anniversary. This came out of nowhere, she told me that in order for her to realize her true feelings for me, she had to date other people and see what life without me was like. I told her that i understood, and the first week was horrible, i mean, i go from thinking i have the greatest girl in the world, and having all of this love for such a pure hearted, beautiful, funny amazing girl.....and then it was over, just like that. I called her a couple days after our break up and she said that she just needed time and space. So i gave it to her. I didnt really have a conversation with her for about a month, then one night i heard about her and that college guy, and how he tried stuff with her and she pushed him away.....how naive can she be? He never called her back. Now I blame a llot of her bad decisions on her best friend, who is the most selfish person i know and cares about nobody besides herself of course. Anyways, she calls me on a saturday night and is bawling and telling me how much she misses me and how we used to be, and she realizes she cannot be happy without me, she tells me that she listens to our song, and how everything in her life reminds her of me. This was very startling considering that same night I promised myself that i would move on and stop waiting around for something that is not going to happen.

 

Well, the next day we went to a movie and back to her house, I kissed her, she wanted it. It was PERFECT. It felt so good, i think it was the happiest moment in my life. I thought we were a couple again. Well the following week we talked and she explained that we were still just friends and she was going to homecoming dance with another guy because she couldnt tlel him no after he had already made reservations and everything. I tried to understand, but it hurt. She acted like nothing happened all the way up until homecoming. Well, HC night, she and I danced together once, but it was difficult being we both went with other dates. The night before we talked about how we were going to get back together once HC was over with and it was set. Well after the dance she got drunk at a party and ended up playing a card game where she was in nothing but her thong and was making out with a kid that used to be my friend. The next day I found out. She called me that night as i was with my friends at stake n shake because she dicked me and they felt bad. I todl her that she didnt deserve me. that i never did anything wrong to her, and for her to act so selfish wasnt fair. the girl i knew would never even let someone see her naked, even though sshe said that she was covered up the whole time and she didnt even want to play. Well i had always admired her for not acting like some of her slutty friends who only like to party and make athemselves look like a bunch of hos. So you see, the girl that wouldnt even let me see her naked, after 10 months, does it for a guy she hardly knows.....not to mention we had just talked about getting back together the night before. well, that following day i called her and we met. I told her the only way it could work is if we put EVERYTHING behind us, and started fresh. We did, we have been together ever since. I have built up a good level of trust again. She regrets more than anything what she did to me. but she still does things that she knows i dont like. She goes to the Frat house at the college and dances with all the drunk college guys, but she has stopped going because i told her that i wouldnt be with her if she did that anymore, she understood. Everything was just ok until lately. Up until this point i havent told her that i loved her again, even though i love her with all o my heart, i never stopped loving her. She doesnt tlel me either, but now she tells me that she wants us to be closer emotionally. What does this mean? On valentines day i gave her a dozen pink roses and a card and it said how much she meant to me and that i loved her. this took a lot of guts, you have no idea. When she got the card, she cried and it was a happy cry. THat night i think she wanted me to tell her to her face that i loved her, because she ketp stalling and woulndt get out of my car. does this girl love me? things have just been getting better, and im starting to fall deeper for her. Am i setting myself up to get hurt? Just to prove that im in it for everythitn, we used to mess around maybe once a week. We havent been physically frisky with eachother for about 2 months now. We have messed around maybe 2 or 3 times since october. i asked her why and she told me that she wanted to be emotionally attached before we started doing that again. we are both still virgins and the last time i asked her, she said that she didnt want the emotional attachment that came with losing her virginity to me "thanks to her skanky friends who lost their virginity to a couple of assholes, she now thinks that only bad can come of making love to your boyfriend for the first time" i would never think about hurting her, her friends were hurt by their boyfriends, but i wouldnt think o fit. about a week ago, she aske dme if i wondered why we never have sex. i told her that i knew her life was stressful and i didnt want her to worry about it. i told her that i was ready, but if she wasnt then i dont want it to happen, because then its for all the wrong reasons. i never asked her how she felt. how does she feel HOW DOES SHE FEEL!?!?!? i dont want to go to college a virgin. Mostly, i want to lose it to her because i love her. she is still so pure in my mind, shes perfect, nobody would ever treat her as good as i do. she has no idea how cruel guys can be. i just want to protect her from everything bad. when i leave for college i think we are prolly gonna say goodbye to eachther for good. but i dont know. Please help me PLEASE HELP MEEEEE!!!!

 

 

 

 

im going nuts o.O

[beejy04]

longest post you've ever seen??

[MrKawabata]

I think you need to take a step back and review your relationship. I don't doubt that you love her, you certainly have the chemistry there and you are protective of her.

 

But my concern is - why do you think the relationship would dissolve when you go to College? I think the distance would prove to be an excellent litmus test for the strength of the relationship when you were together.

 

If she loves you she would think about you and indeed miss you. That, I hope, would help her to make up her own mind as to what she wants. So I think by you going away to College would help know if she does have any strong feelings for you or not.

 

Granted, as with any relationship, communication needs to be kept up so that what has been built doesn't dissipate. This can be done via e-mail, phone, and meeting up during holidays. She has to come to you in her own time of course, and when she is comfortable. I don't think she would come to you if she was pressured. She has to think about what you want too, and that you need to consider.

 

She does love you, but if you aren't prepared to wait, and if you aren't prepared to trust her to stick with you when you go to College, then maybe this is not the girl for you. Have a good talk with her and sort these issues out. They need to be discussed face to face.

[beejy04]

thanks buddy, ill do that.