spacialize Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 this story is long, like they all are, but basically i can't keep pretending and ignoring anymore-- but i will because if she doesn't feel the same way she will be so sad and she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. i can tell she cares and loves me deeply as a friend. Link to comment
spacialize Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 i'm going to take it step by step. keep the feelings i have for her to myself. i'm not going to risk her feeling horrible if she doesn't love me in that way- you know, worse case scenario is she will fear that she will lose me as a friend if she hurts my feelings and says she doesn't love me in that way, and she might feel horrible about it and cry. so i'm keeping quiet. if she has the same feelings, it will come out. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 guess you will just cross your fingers and never know. Link to comment
spacialize Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 ghost69-- yes. are you saying that because it's ridiculous for me to do that? she is sort of getting out of a relationship. i'm not going to invade her space with a big bomb like this. plus i'm watching my feelings too. she says her ex is "just a friend" but there is a big possibility that he might go visit her this weekend. he already visited her in november for her birthday. i figure take it slow. she seems to already know how i feel for her. she's made a bunch of comments to me in the past, so... i just got back from visiting her. she lives 4 hours away. we slept in the same bed together but didn't do anything-- i get the vibe that maybe this is stressing her out, even though when i flat-out asked her if there's anything she wants to talk about or any problems she knew right away and held my hand and said "oh, no, you're ok". i think she needs time to process Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 so you will make a move later or are you waiting for more signs? i'm saying it's ridiculous because you continue to be her friend but you want more. Link to comment
High5girl Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Ghost59 has a point. I would not tell her now b/c if she is healing from her break up, hearing how you want more than a friendship is the last thing she needs. How long have you two been friends? My best friend of 2+ yrs told me several nights back that he was in love with me. I've always had a crush on him, but didn't date him due to our age difference and we worked together. We no longer work together now. I felt awful after he told me. It's not that I can't love him back. I just choose not to. He doesn't want to date me, but had to let it out. He held it in for a long time. Our friendship is fine. Nothing has changed. The longer you are friends with her, the stronger your feelings for her will become. The friendship can survive. Both of you will have to work at it if this outcome of her finding out is not a good one. Good luck. Link to comment
RLW Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 the best way i can think of to indirectly find out if she has feelings for you is to try and make her jealous with other women. Link to comment
Pet-Lovers Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 The best policy is to communicate with her about your feelings. If she is truly your friend, she should listen to you and let you know about how the two of you stand. I think too many people want to find out indirectly or not at all, while just communicating with your friend directly is the way to go. I rather have a "NO" than always wondering what could have been. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 A lot of us have been there at one point in our lives... I'm there now... I talked to my friend and her answer was that she loves me like a friend and doesn't want to hurt me etc. Which i actually knew... But at least i know and i can move on. Not knowing will be worse then actually knowing... So i think you should come out and say it and if she's not interested at least you'll know and can move on. We are still good friends and will continue that way. We're mature enough to get over things like this. I'm gonna date other girls, she'll be stuck on her guy that is 10k miles away and that's that. Life goes on. Good luck. R Link to comment
spacialize Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 robert7x, thank you-- i'm inspired by your strength. thanks guys--i'm taking it slow. she's 3 hours away and right now she is on vacation for a month with her dad in florida. i'm going to meet her in florida on valentine's day, and she wants to spend the day with me so i'm taking it from there. no need to rush. i called her last night and she read me 2 poems that she just wrote and they were all about love and wondering if someone loves you-- if she was here, hell yes. right now i'd call her up and take her somewhere one on one and tell her honestly how i feel-- but no need to tell her over the phone when she's on vacation i love her and it looks a lot like she has and has had deep feelings for me, so right now i'll just take it step by step, just if she wants to know i'll tell her. parts of the poems she wrote say stuff like "do you love me? will you let me know and stop me from this pain?" so i don't want to hurt her by postponing, but i guess i'm being careful?? Link to comment
zenbabyk Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 My best friend was/is in love with me. It's really hard. We agreed to go on a date and you know the feelings just were not there in my part. I tried, I really did. I wanted to love him back. No harm in trying though things are not weird between us now because of it. Link to comment
CreedBratton Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 "i'm going to take it step by step. keep the feelings i have for her to myself. i'm not going to risk her feeling horrible if she doesn't love me in that way- you know, worse case scenario is she will fear that she will lose me as a friend if she hurts my feelings and says she doesn't love me in that way, and she might feel horrible about it and cry. so i'm keeping quiet. if she has the same feelings, it will come out. " I know every somewhat shy guy has gone through this ...... when I did it I gradually began to distance myself from her more and more until eventually, I don't believe I even know where she lives, or how to contact her. Be A BIGGER MAN than me, you will be sorry. Link to comment
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