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Commitment phobia- Who me? Never


butterflycloud

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Well thats just what I thought!

 

I have been divorced for 4 years now and lost my ex husband 3 months ago and am devastated!! I had been thinking over the last 4 years that I couldnt be in a relationship because I still had issues with the ex. All my relationships have been so short lived- I find myself feeling claustraphobic and wanting to run a mile.

 

So have I been choosing the wrong people to get involved with- psychologically being tested to weed out all the wrong types, or am I really afraid of commitment??

 

I read an article today and it said that if you can see yourself in any of the following that you have commitment issues:

  • Fear of losing control over one's self or one's life.
  • Fear of betrayal by another person.
  • Fear of being vulnerable and dependent upon one's partner or fear of a partner being dependent on you.
  • Fear of losing one's financial resources.
  • Fear of divorce.
  • Fear of being a victim of abuse
     

I can see myself in all of them! But I was never like that until my divorce. The loss of my ex husband(who I still loved) seems to have made me even more afraid of commitment.

 

Will I ever overcome these feelings. How do I?

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I don't think it'll keep you from loving again, but it may keep you from fully committing...like in marriage.

I have all but the last one. But I knew this already, and I'm fine with it. If, for some reason in the future I change the way I feel...then I'll be ready to let the walls down I spose.

I think it will only come when you fall in love with a person who treats you really well, and you find comfort in them.

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how do I work with myself to overcome these issues?

 

 

By believing that you have all these issues wrong with you, is only making your point of view skewed. You are telling yourself that you will never be happy because of "x". You are basically living up to your dream or "never being happy".

 

It all starts within. You have to change the way you think in order to let the light shine in. You have to make yourself vulnerable for hurt if you want a relationship to work. Life isn't perfect and stuff happens. You can't live life trying to control your every move.

 

Hope this helps...

 

Best,

 

 

xooxox

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By believing that you have all these issues wrong with you, is only making your point of view skewed. You are telling yourself that you will never be happy because of "x". You are basically living up to your dream or "never being happy".

 

It all starts within. You have to change the way you think in order to let the light shine in. You have to make yourself vulnerable for hurt if you want a relationship to work. Life isn't perfect and stuff happens. You can't live life trying to control your every move.

 

Hope this helps...

 

Best,

 

 

xooxox

 

Immanuel Kant came pretty close to having lived life controlled down to his every move. In fact he was so obsessive compulsive and methodical people knew where he was at and what he was doing by the time of day its said.

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The things you mentioned are sort of vague and unless obsessive, don't in itself mean a fear of commitment. Most people should fear those things.

 

That being said, what led to the break up? Why did it happen?

 

You may not get over it. You may not ever fully heal. You may not love again or have a healthy relationship that will last this time. You can only do things to improve the odds.

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