blind date :)

[Daligal83]

It went SO well!! We really clicked and it was so natural and comfortable. We joked around a lot and did have a lot in common. I had such a good time and really want to see him again. He said he's going to Vegas this weekend but wants to hang out when we get back. I hope it happens. It seemed like he had a good time too.

 

So I'm thinking of adding him on facebook tomorrow. Do I call next? Or does he? I haven't dated in awhile...I don't know what to do!

 

I'm really happy right now

[Batya33]

Yay! Glad it went so well! I would not add him on FB - let him make the next move. It's funny - I set up two friends of mine and after the first date she added him on FB -he found that a wee bit forward of her (but he is 41 so maybe it's different with you younguns)

 

anyway, I hope he calls when he gets back and I'm so glad you had a good time - is this the 4 Month Delay Guy? If so I'm glad i told you to give it a chance!

[Daligal83]

No! It's not the 4 month delay guy. I haven't answered him yet. I wanted to see how tonight went. Now I don't want to see 4 month delay guy. I wasn't even really interested before. From what my friend said, I don't think I had a lot in common with that guy. This guy, we had a lot in common. This is a nerdy moment, but we have the same food allergies haha. This is the guy that I met his sister over New Years and she asked if she could give him my email address since we live in the same city.

 

So I should wait to hear from him? Facebook adding is pretty common with people my age...but I don't want to mess anything up. Maybe I should wait for him to do it? Can I text him tomorrow and let him know I had a good time?

[mellybelly]

aww yay daligal(my secret santa girl! ) ! So glad to hear this...too often blind dates can go the other way, not so good!

 

I agree with Batya, maybe wait a bit to let him make the next move, or just text to say you had fun and to have a good time and vegas, and leave it that! good luck!

[mellybelly]

yes, I would text over adding him on facebook right away.

[davef]

hey daligal,

Please listen to me on this. Do not add him to FB or contact him. WAIT till he contacts YOU.

 

Some other girl asked this same question a couple of hours ago and despite what we told her, she went ahead and contacted him first anyway and I think she felt a little embarrassed.

 

Let chivalry prevail and maybe it will yield dividends

[Daligal83]

OK I'll text him that tomorrow.

 

Now I'm nervous about the date label. We met there, but he paid. So it was a date, right?

[Daligal83]

But don't all the guys on here talk about the girl taking initiative? See this is why it gets SO confusing.

[Daligal83]

Waiting is not my strong suit. I can do it though. I guess I just want to make sure he knows I'm interested. I told him I had a good time and I'd want to hang out again but I'm afraid he thought it was a polite thing to say and I want him to know that I meant it...but I don't know how to do it without the "overeager" thing happening.

[Daligal83]

Just found out there's no point in adding him on facebook for a bit anyway...he's leaving for his trip tomorrow (it's a school trip and I have a friend in his program who is a year ahead of him).

[Daligal83]

Yea I liked what mellybelly suggested as a text. I think I'd like to do that, just to make sure he knows I'm interested and then leave it up to him.

[Jayar]

It doesn't matter that he knows you are interested right now. Seriously, ALL that matters (entirely, 100%) is whether he was attracted to you. That's it. If he is, he'll pursue you, whether he knows you're interested or not. If he ISN'T attracted to you, then calling/texting won't change that.

 

Just relax. Do something other than anything to do with him. If he's on the fence, trust me, waiting will be more likely to push him to your side of the fence. Initiating contact will be more likely to push him to the other side.

[Ariel85]

Don't add him, and definitely don't contact him! Let him pursue you.

 

Congrats on the good start!

[thejigsup]

Do what you want as far as contact. We play so many stupid games sometimes that make love so difficult. Would I add a guy on FB after the first date? People my age don't bother with FB, it's kind of a kid thing, at least me and my friends think so. Would I text him, yeah, but I'd be real inventive and original. Like, "Hope your having fun in Vegas. Odds are 2/1 you'll have more fun when you get back and see me." Not desperate sounding, just fun!

[Batya33]

No! It's not the 4 month delay guy. I haven't answered him yet. I wanted to see how tonight went. Now I don't want to see 4 month delay guy. I wasn't even really interested before. From what my friend said, I don't think I had a lot in common with that guy. This guy, we had a lot in common. This is a nerdy moment, but we have the same food allergies haha. This is the guy that I met his sister over New Years and she asked if she could give him my email address since we live in the same city.

 

So I should wait to hear from him? Facebook adding is pretty common with people my age...but I don't want to mess anything up. Maybe I should wait for him to do it? Can I text him tomorrow and let him know I had a good time?

Did you tell him on the date that you had a nice time and did you thank him? Oh, I just read that you did - don't make the excuse that you aren't sure how he took what you said - it doesn't take much when a man is interested in asking you out on a date (we've all been asked out many times when we showed no interest or even negative interest - so certainly what you said is more than enough for him to ask you out again).

 

Since you thanked him and told him you had a nice time, then no need to do it again - and doing it again risks looking clingy. Also, would you call him and have a conversation with him about his trip? If not, then don't text either - it's not any more casual in this situation because it's still contacting him.

[jengh]

Hmm...I'm taking notes=) I was about to say to text him, but this makes sense.

 

Definitely wouldn't add him on facebook yet though.

[ghost69]

if he's into you, he will call when he gets back.

[Applewhite]

Yay! So excited for you.

[cutiepie07]

Yay! You never know how blind dates are going to go, so that is great!

 

Send a text to say you had a good time and wish him a good trip and leave it at that. If he wants to see you again, he'll get in touch when he gets back

[lady00]

I would not worry about contact him. If you made an impression on him during the date, he will call you and ask you out again. Contacting him is not necessary and potentially risky, so I would not bother.

[Daligal83]

I don't know if this changes anything, but I found out that his trip is actually next weekend most likely. My friend is a second year and her year is going this weekend, first years are going next weekend because they have an exam. So it's going to be like two weeks until we can hang out again...which sucks. Assuming he calls.

 

I was going to send a text tomorrow just saying I had a good time and have fun on his trip. But I shouldn't? Do guys ever not ask a girl out again because they're not sure if they're interested? I don't ever get asked out, so I'm not confident relying on the fact that guys will just do it if they are interest. And I'm not exaggerating. I became single in April and have not been asked out since.

 

And how long before I assume he's not interested?

[Batya33]

From my experiences with men -- and I am focusing on platonically - - it takes a lot for a man not to ask out a woman again who he has met in person because of thinking she wasn't interested - especially if it was a blind date (so he can ask the mutual friend or whoever set them up to "check") - if you had been clear about a lack of interest whether in body language or what you said - and you hadn't said thank you, and you had ended the date after a half hour -- and then changed your mind, then, sure he might assume you weren't interested. But I am 99.999999 percent certain that you showed more than sufficient interest.

 

I would say to assume right now - in a realistic way - not a negative way - that there will not be a second date - put him off your radar entirely and if you want to be a time limit on when you can stop thinking about it I would give it about a week. I say this only because my assumption is that until he asks you out for a second date it's unproductive to speculate whether he will. And I would also meet the other guy in the meantime.

 

I've met several (many?) guys where they are about to go on a vacation or out of town and even before e-mail and cell phones they made sure to get in touch with me before the vacation or while on vacation to make another date or make a specific time to talk about making another plan. Not saying it has to be that way but that's pretty typical in my experience. If he is in law school (or grad school?) then he might be distracted with school especially if he is a 1L (when I dated a 1L he was totally like that in the beginning - we were in our early 20s)

 

anyway, hang tight, and I suggest you let him contact you next - this is a time when first impressions are formed.

[Daligal83]

I hear what you're saying Batya. I guess I just don't completely understand why contacting is a bad thing. I mean if he's interested, why would hearing from me be bad? I think my line of thinking is that if I send him a quick text and he doesn't like that he got it, he can't really be all that interested.

 

And he's a first year student in med school.

 

And I haven't sent anything yet lol.

[lady00]

I don't think it's "bad." I just don't see the need for it. I would not send anything. I would just wait for the guy to contact me and ask for another date.

[Batya33]

I hear what you're saying Batya. I guess I just don't completely understand why contacting is a bad thing. I mean if he's interested, why would hearing from me be bad? I think my line of thinking is that if I send him a quick text and he doesn't like that he got it, he can't really be all that interested.

 

And he's a first year student in med school.

 

And I haven't sent anything yet lol.

 

Because it's still the first impression stage by contacting him (whether calling, texting, singing telegram) you might come accross as too pushy since he has nothing else to go on and it might be a turn off to him even if he is interested. Your'e assuming that his interest level is not going to change and my opinion is that in the early stages interest can be very fragile. he is not that interested that he made another date with you on the spot or the very next day, so by contacting him you risk upsetting the sometimes fragile balance of interest levels. Texting him to have a good trip after only one date is the same as calling him and saying "Hi, it's Daligal, please ask me out again very soon".