How do you get over the feeling?

[big sigh]

This is my first break-up, and everyone says that eventually you will find someone else you care about just as much or more, but it's hard to see that at this point. I really enjoyed being in a relationship, and the intimate aspects of it, not only physical but having someone who wants to speak with you everyday, and someone you can trust with anything. I thought I had that with my ex, so I'm questioning now, will I ever have the same intimacy with anyone else? I trusted my ex fully, and felt we were going to get married, so I'm afraid I may have trust issues to deal with in the next relationship. I'm excited to find someone else to care about and who cares about me, but I'm nervous that it will never be as good as with my ex. I think it can be, but do others feel this way? I'm assuming this is pretty normal when breaking up... especially for the first time (and it was a long first time, over 3 years).

[chocolates]

I dont know, but i will be checking back to see if someone else knows.

 

I wonder though how much pain over breakups is actually fear that they will never meet anyone else, and fear over investing themselves again.

[julioiglesia]

big sigh, sorry for the break up. break up leads to self doubt and with self doubt we learn to reprogram ourselves which is the most vulnerable time of all because you can do a lot of damage to yourself in the wrong run if you resort to quick fixes "drug alcohol prostitutes, etc" but if you persevere and stay strong and take it as a learning experience you'll do just well.

 

 

If you are afraid of having trust issues or other insecurity issues due to the break up, then you shouldn't jump into another relationship with your heart still needing time to mend. You need to close up that wound once and for all because if you don't do it now, and rebound sooner or later you'll have issues and give your rebound an added bagage that would be unfair to her.

 

First break ups are the worst. The only way to learn through experience. I know i did some crazy stuff when i was younger when i got dumped by my first love. The more you suffer they more you'll learn NOt to take things for granted and learn to love yourself and your next girlfriend more.

 

how old are you btw? If you are in your early 20s or late teens, there will be many women in our lives waiting for us.

 

good luck

[LilBear]

Well my ex broke up with me back in 2007. He was my first break up too, just like you. I was devastated, I thought that we'd be together forever. Like you, I trusted him completely and he was my best friend. And then we broke up, and I was heart broken. I found this board, and believe me it helped me to go through what I did, all the wonderful people here.

 

So I picked myself up and went NC on my ex. It's been year since I last spoke to him. I focused on my work, my studies, my friends and my family. It's not easy to forget someone you loved, especially your first. I met new people. And eventually, a friend I've known for a couple of years became closer to me. Heck, he was constantly there for me throughout the whole break-up.

 

We're in a relationship right now. So, yes. You will eventually be able to find someone else who cares just as much about you as your ex did, most probably, even more. As for trust issues...I'm a generally trusting person at first, but that break-up kinda made me...not so trusting, especially of guys. But you will learn to trust again. And when you find that special someone, maybe you should talk about this trust issue. I'm sure she will understand and will always assure and reassure you of her love.

 

It takes time. But you will love again. Chin up.

[big sigh]

I wonder though how much pain over breakups is actually fear that they will never meet anyone else, and fear over investing themselves again.

 

Yeah, I know I'm fearful not that I won't meet anyone else (although I have no clue how to do that, haha), just that the love won't be as strong as my first love.

 

Julio, thanks for the advice. I definitely can see how people form addictions, rebound, and get their strong emotions out any way they can. But I do feel I've gone about the break-up in as healthy way as I personally could. I don't drink or do drugs (my ex didn't, and I stopped when I met her), and still haven't since the break-up (lucky for me, I don't think that would turn out well). I haven't found anyone else I'm interested in, and like you said, I feel I need to get over my ex before I am with anyone else, it doesn't seem fair to be with someone when I'm not over my ex.

I am 23, and this was the only girl I've had a relationship with. I know I'll have more opportunities, and I'm excited for them, but I just really hope I'm able to give them myself the way I did my first gf. It was such an awesome feeling to fully trust someone, and know you are loved as well as loving someone, but then when you trust someone to never leave and they do, it affects you. I just hope I can give as much as I did in my next relationship, and that they care for me the same way I care for them.

[big sigh]

We're in a relationship right now. So, yes. You will eventually be able to find someone else who cares just as much about you as your ex did, most probably, even more. As for trust issues...I'm a generally trusting person at first, but that break-up kinda made me...not so trusting, especially of guys. But you will learn to trust again. And when you find that special someone, maybe you should talk about this trust issue. I'm sure she will understand and will always assure and reassure you of her love.

 

It takes time. But you will love again. Chin up.

 

Thanks for sharing, that helped me feel better about it! I will definitely share with whoever I am with next, and I just hope they accept my feelings and help me deal with them. Being able to trust people is something that is hard for me, but once I do trust them I love being able to, and I just want to get there with whoever I'm with next.