suga911 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 K so...I was involved in a short but very good relationship with a guy I thought was the one! To be honest we both felt very strongly about each other and things were moving kinda fast but it felt so right between both of us! We are mature 30 somethings...so we went for it! and it was amazing!!!! Then it felt like overnight he started acting a little strange - we talked and he mentioned that as much as he knows I am amazing, gorgeous, smart and can barely make the day without me...(will say that his actions did match his words) he didn't kno if he was over his ex. (Sidenote...He was with her for 2 years and met me only 2 months out of that relationship which I thought was more like 6/7 months not a lie on his part the timing of it wasn't really mentioned idk why). So long story short...I figured it was best to let the relationship go. I was really heartbroken for awhile and it happening around the holidays didn't make it any better but I DID NOT contact him and continued on with my life. In fact when we were breaking up I told him I was very supportive of his decision to figure his * * * * out! Cuz I don't need to be with someone who is confused and questioning whether or not his last relationship could work or not. I know i'm worth more than that! BTW he did according to his myspace page go back to his ex... Fast forward a month or so and I get a text message the other day saying "hey lady how r u? happy new year!" So i respond "hey happy new year to u too doing ok same old same old..." A few more bs messages were exchanged and then he says "we should have a drink some time - ya know - as friends" my response "geez idk if i could be friends with someone who broke my heart" few more bs messages and he says something about "besides i'm still single" I respond saying something like then u must be newly single cuz I know she was back for a minute so don't be a d*$@ ur whole life" WHOA that felt so good I have to admit! So he responds saying yea she came back to jerk me around before standing me up xmas eve! but i thought it would be nice to see you - my fault for asking - i'll just go back to being a d*$*. Before I had a chance to respond I got another saying - sorry you hit a nerve - I never meant to hurt u - I feel bad and i'm sorry! I feel like the lucky one for having met you and shared time with you" Although i'm dying - I have not responded since that text for a few reasons 1. how are u gonna dump me for your ex then get dumped by her and come crawling back to me??? Umm NO! I refuse to be second best! 2. I feel like i'm worth more than a text message saying i'm sorry a call maybe would be nice, that could be me overreacting but that's why i'm on this thread for ur advice and 3. I will not fall that easy! Feel like it's time to play the game which isn't easy for me since i'm a hopeless romantic haha! So the hard part for me is - I really really like this guy! Don't know if you've ever had the feeling of "this is the one" but friends would tell me I'd feel it and I didn't believe them till I met him! So in a way I feel like I met him for a reason! I do want to reconnect but I just don't know how after all of this!!! My friends say DO NOT CONTACT HIM! Let him call u and if he doesn't then he never cared - and as much as I feel that way I also think this could be my chance! Should I reach out? If so HOW? What do I say? Or do I wait...??Ohhh IDK!!! Sorry this was so long but I really would love some thoughts!!! Link to comment
hiphop3 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 if you were to meet up with him would you expect to come out of it? Link to comment
Xplode Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 i say reach out but dont look to desperate. he doesnt want to chase something he feels is unobtainable. so give him a flicker of hope. but dont breeze over it easier. but i think he needs about 2 months at least. to start getting over the ex. Link to comment
suga911 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 I would expect to be able to ask some questions...get some answers and see if it is worth it for me/us to proceed. I'm not naive or willing to settle for anything but I feel so unsettled about the way things happened! I feel like maybe he needed to get that out of his system to know for sure (we've all been there) but that doesn't make it fair to me! Link to comment
Anon333 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 how long were you 2 actually together? Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I suggest you think this through a little. Relationships don't just end for some people and feelings go away. Especially for the person dumped. It's a shock very often and it takes a while for them to fully disengage. So when something happens they fall back into the relationship. But then they realise, sometimes because of the action of the other person, that it really is over - and then they can move on. You went out with this guy at the intermediate stage. Very often that is called a rebound and after it ends there is no going back. But sometimes people are so blinded by what they lost they only see what they might have had instead when the fog has lifted. That means you are not necessarily second best. You were just a little early the first time around. Link to comment
hiphop3 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I would expect to be able to ask some questions...get some answers and see if it is worth it for me/us to proceed. I'm not naive or willing to settle for anything but I feel so unsettled about the way things happened! I feel like maybe he needed to get that out of his system to know for sure (we've all been there) but that doesn't make it fair to me! hmm ok. but what if he actually just wants to go out as friends? i think it's kind of rare for people to be genuine friends when there's still all kinds of feelings floating around. but if you do need closure/answers then i would go. and if he does want to start things up again...well i guess that's up to you. Link to comment
suga911 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 3 months (ehhhh) I know that must sound bad but we weren't saying the L word... it was just a really good connection on both ends! We both felt happy and it was really exciting! think I was his band aid on his broken heart and he didn't expect to fall like he did but then got overwhelmed with the fact that he wasn't over the ex! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I would tell him that after he's on his own for a good period of time, and hasn't gone back to her, then he can contact you. If he cares that much for you, he'll understand your hesitation, and will be willing to wait. Wishing you the best... Link to comment
jenuineangel Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 wow its almost exactly what I went through. BTW it was hard for me because I had gotten him a x-mas present. I texted him telling him I was stopping by to drop his gift off and so as easily persuaded as I can be with the guys that I date we end up doing it....UHHHHH! I'm so mad at myself for doing that...not that it wasn't good but still! Anyways so that was the last time that we did that. You know the worst part is that I work with him. I don't see him often cuz I'm part-time and he's full-time, BUT its still enough to be a constant reminder of what a Great time we had! But I'm pushing myself to realize that it really wasn't me that had something wrong...It was him. I really should of not gotten involved knowing that he recently just gotten out of a relationship and that it was too soon for me as well cuz I had just gotten out of one too! But I still talk to him...he gives me those awkard stares. But it feels good when he does...to be honest it feels good. I want him to see what he missed out on and how my life seems to be great with or without him =) Sorry for the long story. I just needed to vent =) Anyways my advice is- If you feel it in your heart to text him or call him do it... I have grown to believe is take a chance at it. But also if you do hang out with him keep your guard up. But if your heart says you deserve better and don't deserve to be second best....STAY AWAY!!!! you got to know him better than me so you know if he's an honest person or not. And remember if he doesn't call or text after....He's just not that into you! And don't make excuses like- "oh well I know he's had a busy schedule at work", etc. Us as women make excuses to just not be so disappointed and at the end we end up twice as disappointed. So keep your ground, after what he did i think its ok to play hard to get. =) Good Luck Link to comment
staircase Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You are my hero. All the power to you girl. One thing I can think of: follow your gut. Seems to have worked so far Link to comment
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