Always the same stupid laugh....

[LostnConfused87]

I took the last semester off from college, partly cuz I don't know what I want to do (and I still dont) and also because I just hate class...I cant get along with nobody... I cant do small talk, or any talk at all...

 

It seems people just lose interest in me so quickly. I sit down next to any random person, the person tries to talk to me, it goes on for like maybe a minute of really dull stuff, then we get in a group with other people, and that person just lights up and is having an on going conversation with some one else in the group, and that just discourages me even more... and then I just distance my self even more I guess by not trying anymore, and then sometimes when people introduce themselves afterwards, i just look down or away and get left out...

 

I realize that when people try to start a conversation with me, like 99% of the time I just dont know what to say so i just give a small stupid laugh... and thats been going on for...a long time... how the hell do people get conversations going and continuing? I could never get that to work...its not until after the conversation or class is over that I think about how much i * * * * in hate myself and what i could have said when the person said this or that...and then the rest is of the semester in the class( or all my classes) is just * * * * cuz i feel so out of place in there. Then I see the same people again sometimes in other classes in other semesters and its just weird......

[Xplode]

Hi breif story.

im male & 21. and i constantly get told to keep quiet at work. so im on the other end of the spectrum,

 

i work in marketing, and people are the same as a marketing pitch

find common ground. if its a girl, music, festivals, what hobbies you into, favourite aspect of this class etc.

common ground make you "real" to them, adds character for them to think about.

 

with guys, its usually cars, sport/ football (im australian lol - everyone loves the footy). and BIGGEST TOPIC STARTER... girls.

talk about the girls and how annoying or attractive they are.

 

i find myself being recongnised all the time. from people i have run into at the supermarket and just started taking to someone, purely from a common interest.

 

hope that helps.

[De Mon Fa De]

I took the last semester off from college, partly cuz I don't know what I want to do (and I still dont) and also because I just hate class...I cant get along with nobody... I cant do small talk, or any talk at all...

 

I like to write. They say that to be a writer, you have to write everyday. It sounds like you're trying something like this, but without knowing what you need to say.

 

I suggest a course in giving speeches. Join link removed or similar organization. This is also a good way to develop business and social contacts in general.

 

I also suggest drama. Get involved in community theatre; a lot of those people will probably be somewhat bookish extroverts themselves. If you can't act, that's no problem; they need people to hand out tickets, usher, run the lights, open the curtains. An eager hand is usually welcome, and if you stick around for a show or two you'll find yourself in a minor role soon enough. I think you'll find the lights and the audience and attention quite addictive.

 

Socialization is a learned process, once you get your foot in the door I don't think you're going to have any problem at all.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose

[LostnConfused87]

@xplode

My parents never really ever tried to get me involved in anything much. They are pretty much the typical asian parents or w/e that only cared about school and getting good grades... =/ So now I live a pretty generic life, dont know much at all about cars or sports...and girls...im really shy/afraid to even try to start a conversation with a decent looking one....

 

@De mon

theatre and acting all weird and stuff really isnt my thing... =/ Funny you should mention speech class though...thats the only class I need to fill my general transfer requirements...and I saved it for last. This is also the class where I see someone in there that I had a class with before (see bottom of first post to see why this is a bad thing... =/). The teacher/professor seems encouraging, he said straight out that he has a reputation for being the easy teacher and really just wants to encourage people. I really do want to stick through this one and not waste another semester, but being the weird/quiet guy in the class really isnt going to help me out at all here...the other classes were ok I guess, but if I end up like that in this class...and then I also have to go up and give speeches to everyone there...i dont think i can take it....

 

I didnt want to put this thread in the dating>conversational tips section...this isnt about dating but conversation in general, thats why I put this in general advice, but now its here.......

[imsuperman]

You wanna know something? I also had a stupid laugh/quirk thing going on. I just got rid of it within the last couple of years. My deal was, like when someone would talk to me, and they said something where I wasn't sure if they were just talking or trying to be funny, I would smile with my mouth shut and blow air through my nose like I was laughing in my head or...something. I'm serious. It was the stupidest thing ever. The worst was, I did it once at an interview when the interviewer told me I had completed everything on my application. He gave me the weirdest look. Even though I got the job and still work at the gym, it was then that I started to make a conscious effort to correct it.

 

The bottom line is: Nervous quirks and stuff like that make you look insecure. Nobody, men or women, wants to be around an insecure person because they can see that you lack social experience by the awkward way you act. To give it to ya straight: It looks weird.

 

One of the things I'm current working on is slowing down my speech a bit. You ever notice how people nowadays are just "duhduhduhduhduddle-luh-duh?" I mean we just talk so fast, nobody even really takes in what they hear. Imagine if you were on a date with a girl and you were trying to impress her. Would you talk fast and loud and act nervous? Better not. Speak low and slow man, low and slow. If people ask you to repeat yourself, then do so. Try not to stutter too much when you talk. I'm trying to get over stuttering a little when people at work fire off a million questions as fast as they can. It's a self-respect thing. Realize that what you have to say is important. People will listen to you if you have this mindset.

 

Body language wise: link removed

 

I kept smile but not the nose blowing, lol. It's nice to have a nice, easy smile. Just think of something funny that someone said or did, but don't smile to brightly and show your teeth. Think just a little more of a smile than a smirk. (Serial killers are not socially successful, lol.)

 

I think you'll do just fine.

 

It's about respecting yourself.

[LostnConfused87]

You know, if its not the stupid laugh that I do, its what you just described. I just thought stupid laugh included that nose blowing thing... I just dont know what to say though...if im not doing that...