notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 My mom works as a waitress at a small, locally owned family restaurant in my hometown. This afternoon, she called me to say that the new cook had been giving her the creeps, and he had also acted inappropriately to another waitress. Turns out that the previous night, he had leered at the other woman and when she said what are you doing his response was "oh sorry, just thinking bad thoughts..." - his other comment was when she was bent over getting something, he walked up behind her, howled like a wolf and said "oooooh doggystyle!" My mom came home from work today and found him as a Level III (highest rating) registered sex offender in our state. His offense is not listed because the conviction occurred out of state however. She called her boss who essentially told her "I already knew, he told me his story and it was involving his kids and no one else, so I'm giving him a chance." A moment later she called my mom again and said she didn't know WHO she might have told but she better call teh other employees and tell them to keep their mouths shut about it... My mother has to work with this man on Monday morning (at 4:30 am, mind you) to open the business for the day without anyone else there. She is terrified of it but is so afraid to quit because she can't get unemployment that she doesn't know what to do... Anyone here have any advice? This is in Washington State. What would you guys do or say? Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 File a harrasment or code of conduct complaint for the "doggie style" comment. Plain and simple. She should complain that she adressed this to the supervisor and he did nothing also. Good luck. Link to comment
Anonymous122 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Give him a chance. The doggystyle comment is something that I hear at work, in a professional office setting, from people who aren't sex offenders. If he ever touches someone, call the police immediately. End of story. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Its totaly inappropriate, especially given his backgorund. It made her mom feel uncomfortable and thats just not okay. Especially as a level three, he could be put back in for this alone. He knows this. Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 People deserve a second chance. You work in the hospitality industry which is sexually charged. If you (she) don't like that job there is retail and call center. 'doggy style' comment, meh, well it is not a big enough deal to go attacking someone's life over it. He thinks you (your mum?) are hot. Oh well, worse has happened. I also have a lazy guess that your mum = you. However, I am basing that on nothing. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 So a potential rapist is allowed to comment to your mom about "doggie style" and "thnking bad thoughts"? I dont think so, snitching to the authorities would be the least that happened if this was my mom. Sorry but... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 So a potential rapist is allowed to comment to your mom about "doggie style" and "thnking bad thoughts". I dont think so, snitching to the authorities would be the least that happened if this was my mom. Sorry but... Even if he was not an offender at all. Those comments are not appreciated. I'd tell him straight up, face to face that you find those comments inappropriate and they make you feel uncomfortable. If he continues, report him to a higher up. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 it was involving his kids and no one else, so I'm giving him a chance." Did I read that right? Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Yeah no kidding Apparently that is ok, because he is dealing with adult women I know, that was my response too. That is a serious what the heck in my book... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I was concerned with that but I assumed I misread the part about kids since it didn't seem to be a big deal to you. Hoping it was just poor wording.... Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 People deserve a second chance. You work in the hospitality industry which is sexually charged. If you (she) don't like that job there is retail and call center. 'doggy style' comment, meh, well it is not a big enough deal to go attacking someone's life over it. He thinks you (your mum?) are hot. Oh well, worse has happened. I also have a lazy guess that your mum = you. However, I am basing that on nothing. Um yeah. No, it really is my mom. He didn't say the comment to my mom, it was to another coworker of hers. What he has said to my mom directly was very mild, admittedly, but it was making her uncomfortable. She just called me in tears about this information and the reaction of her boss. And frankly, I think the idea that waitressing in your mid-fifties in an environment that caters to families is not a "sexually charged" industry and that is a load of crap. Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 I was concerned with that but I assumed I misread the part about kids since it didn't seem to be a big deal to you. Hoping it was just poor wording.... No, that was a quote from her boss. Not me. I think it is horrible, regardless. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Um yeah. No, it really is my mom. He didn't say the comment to my mom, it was to another coworker of hers. What he has said to my mom directly was very mild, admittedly, but it was making her uncomfortable. She just called me in tears about this information and the reaction of her boss. And frankly, I think the idea that waitressing in your mid-fifties in an environment that caters to families is not a "sexually charged" industry and that is a load of crap. I agree. I was a waitress for 2 years. It is NOT sexually charged and waitresses should never have to put up with it. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 No, that was a quote from her boss. Not me. I think it is horrible, regardless. I'd go to the owners if he continues the behaviour after your mom tells him straight to his face that it is not acceptable behaviour. Have your mom bring pepper spray tomorrow for the opening. And a cell phone. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I've never thought of the hospitality industry as a sexually charged industry, first time i've heard of that. Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Okay so for more clarification? There are only 8 employees. We are talking SMALLLLLL town here. The woman my mom works for is the owner, there is no "going to higher authorities", "making complaints of harassment", nothing like that. If my mom were to go public it would possibly damage her abilities of getting another job also. My mom is blue collar, no education, barely pays her bills. Losing her job by quitting means she can't get unemployment (as far as I know - if you know otherwise please speak up!) and she doesn't want to be alone at 4:30 am with just her and this guy four days a week. PLEASE keep in mind that this is a small town because it DOES make a difference. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I've never thought of the hospitality industry as a sexually charged industry, first time i've heard of that. me four... Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Okay so for more clarification? There are only 8 employees. We are talking SMALLLLLL town here. The woman my mom works for is the owner, there is no "going to higher authorities", "making complaints of harassment", nothing like that. My mom is blue collar, no education, barely pays her bills. Losing her job by quitting means she can't get unemployment (as far as I know - if you know otherwise please speak up!) and she doesn't want to be alone at 4:30 am with just her and this guy four days a week. You should consult a civil attorney then. Plain and simple. You may not get the answers you are seeking here. You need professional legal assistance. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Okay, I do NOT understand your mom's boss' rationale on this at all. So because it was a child in his FAMILY, that warrants him getting a second chance in a restaurant that caters to families? Yeah...no. Secondly, I've worked in the restaurant business for YEARS and yes, there is a LOT of unreported sexual harassment. I've reported several guys over the years (one in particular, who I went to the hotel owners about after the GM did nothing...he was eventually fired when I told the owners he was making comments about guests)... I think your mom was completely right to go to management about this. If it continues and management does nothing, I strongly suggest she go higher up. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You should consult a civil attorney then. Plain and simple. You may not get the answers you are seeking here. You need professional legal assistance. But, I still suggest talking to him face to face (not alone) and asking him to stop. If he doesn't after then, take legal actions. But, tell your mother to carry pepper spray at work. Just in case. Link to comment
Lights Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'd be uncomfortable too! I don't think anyone should defend the guy by saying that even people who aren't offenders say those things... They do, but the point is, this guy lacked self control before when acting on his urges, who is to say he wouldn't again? I'm all for second chances, but making comments like that to women doesn't seem to me like he's willing to change his sexual attitude and it's just not an effort whatsoever, which I see as a good enough reason to take away his chance. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 But, I still suggest talking to him face to face (not alone) and asking him to stop. If he doesn't after then, take legal actions. But, tell your mother to carry pepper spray at work. Just in case. LOL! I didnt say hire and file a supeona. Just get professional advice from someone trained to deal with harrasment cases. Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 My mom doesn't stand up for herself, frankly because she has ZERO self esteem. She is allowing in my opinion her boss to bully her by making her feel like this is her fault, but again she is screwed because in a small town people talk and this woman has more face/power locally. (Total side note? Things like this are the reasons I hated growing up there - everyone knows your business third hand and no one ever hears the real deal!) As for second chances? You know, I agree with that to an extent. However, here in Washington we do not have the most strict sex offender laws and a level III is defined in this manner: Level III These offenders pose a potential high risk to the community and are a threat to re-offend if provided the opportunity. Most have prior sex crime convictions as well as other criminal convictions. Their lifestyles and choices place them in this classification. Some have predatory characteristics and may seek out victims. They may have refused or failed to complete approved treatment programs. It is the worst ranking you can get. He told my mom and her boss that he was in jail for 15 years. they just now foudn out what it was for after that wondered when he began leering at them. Ugh this makes me want to throw up. Link to comment
notsoanonymous Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 If it continues and management does nothing, I strongly suggest she go higher up. That is the problem. There is no higher up. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I would contact the State Attorney General's office, and ask what the protocol is for an employee who works among a "Level 3 sex offender." Link to comment
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