Slagger Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 To make a longgg story short, I'm 21 and single. I've been having an affair with my married boss, who is 28 (and has 2 kids with her), for about 7 months and it recently just ended due to his wife finding out. We spent quite some time together, he even spent the night at my place a few nights. Throughout this time, he went from saying nothing could or would come out of it to saying he felt trapped in his marriage and really wanted to be with me. He wanted me to transfer to a diff job so he can tell his wife there was someone else and we can be together without getting fired. He told me he was in love with me and all that other stuff you would tell someone you loved. I truly believed it and now it's KILLING me inside because he has chosen to stay with her when he had his escape plan right in front of him when she found out. I haven't spoken to him at work since it happened and frankly I just want to know the truth about why he did what he did to me. I guess you can say I deserved it....I knew very well what I was getting into by sleeping with someone who was married, but I didn't expect to fall in love. ](*,) No one can possibly understand what I feel like inside by reading my post which was typed through a computer, unless you've been in my situation. The alcohol isn't helping me cope much, so maybe you guys can...... Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I, somewhat understand. When I met my girlfriend she was married. There was an attraction there from both sides from the beginning. Her mariage was pretty much dead when I met her. Shortly after we started seeing eachother she moved out of the place she shared with him and into her sister's place. I knew what kind of crap I got myself into. I knew this could either be the best thing I would ever have, or the worst disaster of my life. I was in love with her and so afraid that her assklown husband would have a change of heart and convince her to take him back. But he didn't. And her and I are still together now, almost four years later. BUt, my story is so rare. Situations like this almost never work out. You already said you knew what you were getting into... If nothing else, now you are a stronger person because of it. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 You prob wont get much smpyathy from people.. you got involved with a married man.. with 2 kids.. did you really think he was gonna leave them for you... your boss and your rel was based on sex... your a 21 yr young lady.. most guys arent gonna say no to you.. so they can be with you... most of the things he said to you were lies.. just to keep you hooked and so he can keep sleeping with you... my guess this all lasted 1-3 months... my advice to you.. move on dont think or talk to this guy... how would you feel if in 10yrs when you are married and have kids and your husband cheats on you with a 21yr... karma is a biatch... use it as a learning experince and try not to repeat your mistakes.. plenty of guys out there that arent married... Link to comment
ErikT Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I knew very well what I was getting into by sleeping with someone who was married, but I didn't expect to fall in love. ](*,) No one can possibly understand what I feel like inside by reading my post which was typed through a computer, unless you've been in my situation. The alcohol isn't helping me cope much, so maybe you guys can...... Maybe if you fell in love before sleeping with someone, some of these issues would be avoided? Seriously, why would you do what you did to his two children? I agree with the poster above who said you wouldn't get any symphaty. Also, if he cheated on his wife, even if he did leave her and marry you, chances are he would have cheated on you! Why would you want to be involved with someone like that. It sounds like you are lucky he didn't leave his wife, the cheating bast**d! Move on, learn from your errors and momentary lack of judgement, and go find a nice single 20something to date. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You are young..you are probably very attractive.He has a wife and children. When women play with a married man they are playing with the wife and chidren as well. You cant have one without the other. He now goes home to his kids/wife but what do you go home to? No one... . I am sadened for you. Step back and think this through...do you want someone who loves you and all the good qualities you possess? if the answer is yes then you and only you have the choice to step back ..look at this situation for what it is ..recover from your ordeal and move on.. The reason why he did to you what he did is because you were available ,willing and he did not have the character or balls to pull away from you and fix his issues with his wife. I know as a young woman that the passion you shared must have been overwhelming but the truth is you are a single you fertile woman who has the choice to enter destructive relationships or find someone who really loves you enough to be committed to you as a person and not just sex. If you were my wife..Id hate it if you were cheating..If I were your husband would you want me to sleep with someone else? How about his children? Consider them...what must they be feeling at the thought that daddy might not love mummy? You have to admit that this is the type of behaviour that starts to undermine their feelings of love and security in a good relationship. Children get their education of life from home first...why damage that? I hope you decide to turn your back on all of this and realise that you too can move on to a more productive joyous life with someone who really wants you. The married guy has nearly lost his kids..his family ..Im not saying that you are not worth the trouble but you arent right for him or he for you.. I hope what I wrote helps a little anyway.. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You're not the first, and certainly not the last to learn this kind of life lesson. This is a "textbook" case of a very naive person involved in an affair with someone who is married, or in another relationship. It's the same old tune, with the same old excuses, and usually ends when a spouse finds out, or when you place too many demands on them. Take care...and learn from this. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I am sorry you had to learn this the hard way. It's a very common tale- A married man who has no intention of leaving his wife hooks up with a young naive girl who believes all the lies he tells her. He has fun on the side but when things get serious he drops you like yesterday's garbage. Because you never meant more to him than some on the side sex. The best thing you can do is learn from this experience and know not to get involved with someone until you know they are single or truly in the process of divorce. Refuse to be used. And offer yourself to men who can actually offer you something back besides pain. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You prob wont get much smpyathy from people.. you got involved with a married man.. with 2 kids.. did you really think he was gonna leave them for you... your boss and your rel was based on sex... your a 21 yr young lady.. most guys arent gonna say no to you.. so they can be with you... most of the things he said to you were lies.. just to keep you hooked and so he can keep sleeping with you... my guess this all lasted 1-3 months... my advice to you.. move on dont think or talk to this guy... how would you feel if in 10yrs when you are married and have kids and your husband cheats on you with a 21yr... karma is a biatch... use it as a learning experince and try not to repeat your mistakes.. plenty of guys out there that arent married... I concur.. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 its like sticking a penny in a lightsocket. 'i bet you'll never do that again' the first thing that comes to mind. but i feel for you, emotions rule people most of the time. you just went with what you felt. but now you understand that discretion is never a bad idea. *hugs* try and hold your chin up Link to comment
Baily Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Slagger - My wife cheated on me...and here's what I have to say YOU KNEW what you were getting into. It was all fun and games...no risk...he keeps his life you keep yours. There is no way he is going to risk a divorce...lose 1/2 of every penny he made, lose his house, lose 1/2 his time with his kids, lose a partner he fell in love with at one point. 1st off you need to move on and leave HIM ALONE...no calls, no emails no nothing. Allow him time to get his head right 2- You knew he was married...why did you continue the relationship? That was rude to his wife and to his kids...I don't care what he thought...he knew what he was doing was wrong...YOU should have stopped it if nothing else for the respect you should have for marriage. ...as a guy who had to be on the other end...DO WHAT IS RIGHT ALL THE TIME...not just here and there....DO WHAT IS RIGHT ALL THE TIME! Link to comment
coastalgirl Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh I have soooo much experience with this one so had to comment. My thoughts: If a married man or woman gets involved in an affair it is because they want fun and excitement but also the security of marriage. They are rarely going to leave as they have too much to lose, financially mainly. If they were so unhappy in their marriage, they would get divorced. It's that simple, not rocket science here. I did, left with three children, two in diapers. Now I am not one to talk as I stupidly got involved with a married man so I am not judging you or anyone else. But, I repeat, if they are so unhappy they would leave. We all have choices. Thay are not that unhappy, they just want everything. People who cheat are selfish, they want it all. They are counting on meeting up with bleeding hearts like us who will believe their stories of woe and get us to feel sorry for them. It works like a charm. Link to comment
goodguyslast Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 You'll get plenty of sympathy from me. There's too much bashing of people on here. The whole point of this forum is so you can have people to talk to and that's supposed to help. IMHO constant "cheating is wrong" talk, doesn't help. We all know it's wrong, but loads of people still do it. Life's not that simple. My story is two years long and despite signing up here to tell it and hopefully try to make some sense etc. I haven't yet posted my own thread! I won't do the whole thing now. Suffice it to say, I had a an affair with a married woman. She wasn't my boss, but we worked together. After 18mths of a variety of things going on in both our lives, I still haven't let go and her continued presense in my life is a source of both the greatest ecstasy and the deepest heartbreak . I fell head over heels in love for the first and only time in my life in 2007 and it still hurts. So I can realistically imagine how much it sucks to be in your situation. The answer to your question, "What was I thinking?", is simply that you weren't thinking. Of course, there's a whole heap more stuff going on beyond that. I sympathise and I just want you to know that things will get better. This was a big experience for you and it's emotionally exhausting. Other posters saying you will learn, are right. In your head, treat it as a learning experience. But I know your heart will struggle with that atm. Good luck. Link to comment
miffed Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I think it is important to understand that affairs have serious consequences. Children need both parents. Why should a child grow up without their mom or dad because two people were acting selfish. People should not interfere in someone elses marriage. Link to comment
Kiteless Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 ...what must they be feeling at the thought that daddy might not love mummy? You have to admit that this is the type of behaviour that starts to undermine their feelings of love and security in a good relationship. Children get their education of life from home first...why damage that? I am totally NOT condoning the OP's relationship with the married guy, however, if married man is already having affairs, they probably are already noticing that daddy and mommy may not be in love. Or they are learning a very skewed version of what marriage should be. Kids aren't dumb and as soon as parents start realizing that, more kids will end up well adjusted. Link to comment
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