LAYAAN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hello all, I'm matched with this man. He is 8 yrs older than me, 10 hrs drive distance away. - We made it to open communication----he gave me his email ID---I emailed him --- he replied to that email after a week n asked some simple Qs --- I replied right away (on Sun) --- I still haven't heard from him. How do you handle this? when do you say, "look if you don't step up, its over"? When do you say, "thats it I'm not gonna give this man another chance." Should I email him and ask "wats going on?"" (I did it with a man before (matched with me on EH), he said "oh, we just fell out of touch" and we did meet but he acted very distant on our date and very quickly vanished. So, I'm not really in favor of asking men wats going on/nudging them) What can be done in this situation? Thank you Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Since he is ten hours away look at it like this- if it did progress to something serious and became a Long Distance Relationship - LDR's take a lot of communication to stay strong. If he cannot communicate enough this early to make interest known he might not be the best candidate for you to talk to. Why are you choosing men so many hours away in your searches on dating profiles? Are there other options/men closer? I would not have even corresponded with someone ten hours away unless i lived in a region where there were no options, just a sidenote. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Another one? Don't bother Tinu. If it took 1 week for him to reply to your email then his interest level is low. Just being curious.. what exactly do you mean when you say you got matched? Are you on link removed? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Also - no you can't say if you don't step up it's over because something can't be over that never started. Grymoire - i assume she met link removed but maybe i inferred incorrectly. the way she wrote it is rather confusing now that I read it again. Link to comment
De Mon Fa De Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Don't bother Tinu. If it took 1 week for him to reply to your email then his interest level is low. I agree. If you're looking for a good time, he might can provide that, otherwise, I'd move on. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm matched with him on EH. The reason I said okay is b'coz my preference is south Asian men and my experience has been that they are more sincere even if its a long distance relationship. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm matched with him on EH. The reason I said okay is b'coz my preference is south Asian men and my experience has been that they are more sincere even if its a long distance relationship. Then go ahead and contact him. May be he was super busy. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm thinking of emailing him before closing the match. I'm thinking of writing in my email that "Your delay in replying and brief questions have made me wonder about your level of interest in this match. I would be more interested in receiving replies in decent time and getting to know each other better. If age/distance is an issue, I understand and I sincerely wish you good luck. The match on EH will be closed soon since we are already communicating outside EH." What do you say? Can I write this to him? Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm thinking of emailing him before closing the match. I'm thinking of writing in my email that "Your delay in replying and brief questions have made me wonder about your level of interest in this match. I would be more interested in receiving replies in decent time and getting to know each other better. If age/distance is an issue, I understand and I sincerely wish you good luck. The match on EH will be closed soon since we are already communicating outside EH." What do you say? Can I write this to him? i think this is a good message... i would not include the last line.. except that the rest of the message looks great. how does he look like? is he attractive? do you go for tall men? what are your preferences in a man? the reason i ask is if you met a man suiting your preferences there is little more u could do Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Your message to him sounds fine to me. Doubt I would bother either and because he took a week to reply. How the heck are you supposed to get to know someone, if people don't and aren't communicating on a regular basis....and I would like to know a little about someone, before I went off to meet them. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 Your message to him sounds fine to me. Doubt I would bother either and because he took a week to reply. How the heck are you supposed to get to know someone, if people don't and aren't communicating on a regular basis....and I would like to know a little about someone, before I went off to meet them. Yes, so, I am gonna send him this email today, wait for 2-3 days, if he responds, great, if he doesnt, I'm gonna close the match. I agree, if people are not communicating regularly, progress is almost impossible given the issue of long distance. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 Since he is ten hours away look at it like this- if it did progress to something serious and became a Long Distance Relationship - LDR's take a lot of communication to stay strong. If he cannot communicate enough this early to make interest known he might not be the best candidate for you to talk to. I think this makes sense. Why are you choosing men so many hours away in your searches on dating profiles? Are there other options/men closer? My preference is South Asian men. Yes, I would prefer if they are closer to me, certainly. But just b'coz the man is far away doesn't mean that he is not a good match. So, I give them a chance. But yes, its possible to apply strict distance criteria and keep waiting for eternity for a good guy to show up, I guess. I would not have even corresponded with someone ten hours away unless i lived in a region where there were no options, just a sidenote. someone on ENA, who lives in my area as well, shared with me the other day that "this area is a dating pond." so the choice is obviously not much. Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 10 hours may sound like cake when you think about people in much bigger LDR's but take it from someone who's girlfriend used to live 3 hours away - its a LOT harder than it seems. 3 hours there is 6 hours to get back home again. 3 hours in a car is LOOOOOOONG time, 10 hours is going to leave you drained when you do see him and the 10 hour drive back again is going to leave you not only exhausted but unsatisfied because of the very little amount of time together you'd actually get. 48 hour weekend: 20 hour round trip 16 hours sleep 12 hours together Not very much. Link to comment
laisla Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 i don't think you should bother to even e-mail him telling him that you're going on to someone else. who knows what came up in his life. just let it go. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Since he is ten hours away look at it like this- if it did progress to something serious and became a Long Distance Relationship - LDR's take a lot of communication to stay strong. If he cannot communicate enough this early to make interest known he might not be the best candidate for you to talk to. So true. He's hardly putting in any effort now...he's hardly LDR material. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Thank you everyone for your replies. I always get to learn something here. I sent an email. Waited for a reply. No reply for 5 days. Closed the match. Link to comment
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