Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Why would my ex be contacting me over a year later? We had a pretty serious relationship early on, which got ahead of us. We moved too fast before we were ready. Even lived together for a while, well it got the best of us and we broke it off and had no contact. Back in November, I got an email from him out of the blue- I had deleted his address but apparently he still had mine. He was friendly, asked me how I was, how work was, was I living at home still (where I went after I moved out) and wished me a happy holiday. Well I was like what is going on here? This is random..so I wrote back and kept it very short, as I was totally confused. I got nothing else until a week ago, this time again asking how I was how my holidays where and was saying he know's his email is out of nowhere. But he often things he handled our situation wrong and misses/wishes he had some things back..brings ups some memories. Why would he be contacting me now? I think I know him well, so I don't think it's a "game" he's playing but I really don't know what is going on... Any thoughts? Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 definitely sounds like he is "testing the waters", seeing if you would be open to reconcilliation. Link to comment
Up and Down Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Could be a multitude of reasons. He could want to get back together, could be seeking proper closure, want to apologize for the way things ended or may just want to be friends....there is no real telling in what he wants based on a single e-mail. What do you want from him? Link to comment
csrc85 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 none of us can really know his intentions. chances are he's just curious as to how you are doing, since you were a big part of his life. maybe he just wants to catch up. i had no contact at all with my ex for almost 2 years, when he started sending me emails and messages out of the blue, wanting to know how things were and what was new in my life. nothing ever came out of it, but it's nice to catch up after such a long period of no contact. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I just don't see the point in "apologizing" or getting "closure" It's been over a year..I got that a long time ago.... I mean I'd be open for a 2nd chance with this guy...but if it didn't happen, would I be fine? yes... so I don't get why you would make contact after all this time for just closure... Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I don't think it is closure he wants. I think he wants to see if you would be open to trying again and is being very tentative for fear of making things worse. Link to comment
Up and Down Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I just don't see the point in "apologizing" or getting "closure" It's been over a year..I got that a long time ago.... I mean I'd be open for a 2nd chance with this guy...but if it didn't happen, would I be fine? yes... so I don't get why you would make contact after all this time for just closure... I am not saying he is seeking closure, however just because you got closure a long time ago doesn't mean he did. The same for apologies, sometimes exes contact you for their own selfish reasons. Happened to me eight years after we broke up. I got closure on my own. In any case everything is speculation at this point. If you are open to a relationship with him, communicate with him and see how that goes. It sounds like you are in a position where you won't get hurt regardless of where it goes, so play it by ear maybe you have a "new" friend in your life, maybe it's romantic. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks to those responding. I agree DN, knowing what I do about him, making conversation for the heck of it a year later is not something I'd expect from him. I mean as I read it I thought maybe closure when he was like apologizing but then he went on to say he often thought about things and wishes he could get some things back... and wouldn't one email be enough? Why another one? Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks to those responding. I agree DN, knowing what I do about him, making conversation for the heck of it a year later is not something I'd expect from him. I mean as I read it I thought maybe closure when he was like apologizing but then he went on to say he often thought about things and wishes he could get some things back... and wouldn't one email be enough? Why another one?Because he didn't get the encouragement he needed in the response to his first e-mail. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah he sure didn't haha, I said I was well, busy with work/school and said "how about you" and sent it Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 But had you said in response to this: he often thought about things and wishes he could get some things back something like "Yes, me too. I wonder sometimes if we made a mistake ending it" then his second e-mail may have been entirely different. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 True... But I did respond to this one and said something like I too wish things were different and maybe they can be, but have yet to hear back..so then that throws me too. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hmmm - when did you send the reply? Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Few days ago...after spending 2 days contemplating what to say.. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Maybe he is contemplating what to say in return. I would send this: "Look, I am puzzled as to why you e-mailed me and brought up the relationship we had. If you would like to talk in person about it I would be open to doing that. e-mailing back and forth like this is a poor form of communication and I think we would do better to talk face to face. At the very least we could catch up with each other's lives and perhaps talk about the future." Link to comment
Up and Down Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I agree with DN. He is testing the waters to see where his relationship with you stands, be it friend or something else. He might of changed his response had you given a more inviting e-mail. Your second one though sounds quite open especially since you said. I too wish things were different and maybe they can be This can be interpreted in a couple different ways, so maybe he is mulling over what he really wants before truley opening a can of worms. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 That could be it too..and DN I agree with what you said, I also don't wanna be too pushy. True Up and Down..it can be interpreted in a few ways, I mean like I said I'd be fine either way but he's definitely the one I take up on a 2nd chance and I didn't want to sound to desperate if that's the word.. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I don't think it's too pushy. It is clear and unambiguous and puts the ball in his court. If he doesn't respond positively you will know he isn't interested enough to make an equal effort and can carry on as before. If he does respond positively then you will have saved both of you time and effort. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 True, I just wish I could understand men... I mean why the email and then no response. I mean I'd probably contemplate too but if I wasn't trying to "get" something out of it I would never have sent a email..but I guess that's just me.. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Don't worry about that - concentrate on getting the important information you need. That way you can move on without him or see what happens with him. Until you know you are sort of stuck not knowing. Link to comment
Mazda288 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks, I'll think about doing what you said. Link to comment
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