NC: Has it been done to you?

[H2OBaby]

I decided to start a new thread because I wanted to know if anyone had NC done to them? How did it make you feel? And what did you do about it? Please be sure to add why you feel the NC was done to you. Did you do something to hurt someone to make them do it to you... or did the person do it to you unfairly.

 

I am hoping to get both stories here from both men and women... one where someone was really wrong and hurtful to someone so the person cut them out by using NC and also stories of how someone did it to you for no reason other than they wanted to end the relationship and not give you the benefit of an explanation.

 

Thanks!

[now what71]

Well, my ex-wife went NC immediately after I moved out. I could be wrong but my take on it is that she simply doesn't want to deal with her own issues, and I serve as a reminder of her own faults which led to the dissolution of our mariage. Certainly it takes 2 to make a marriage work but from what I can gather in my communications with some mutual friends, she to this day puts the blame squarely on me, and has no desire to face her own issues.

[leo73]

I think people are just emotionally immature these days. My ex went no contact right after the break-up because she had to get her head straight. But now, even though we are both fully healed, she still finds it difficult to talk to me. This is the first time this has happened to me and I can only assume that she is unwilling to deal with the emotions I stir in her. It seems that in this new communications age where texting and emailing have replaced phonecalls and social get togethers that it seems logical and easier to just break off contact completely. (It's just a click of the mouse). I wish people would just man-up (woman-up) and accept responsibility for the impact they have on other people. To be mature enough to deal with not just your own emotions but also the emotions of the other person. I hated NC and would discourage anyone out there from trying it (unless abuse was involved) because it denies us any chance of growing and maturing in our own emotions.

[gundr1kr]

I am sorry for churping in....I currently have NC with my ex.

 

I find these responses very silly and selfish.

 

When a relationship ends, those two people dont owe each other anything. If they decide to deal with their emotions on there own and not get the other person involved, that is their prerogative.

[H2OBaby]

Yes, I will agree with you that NC doesn't allow you to get over a situation. It is a very selfish thing to do to someone if the person you are doing it to has not done anything to hurt you.

 

But what about the ones who have been in a relationship with someone and have been dumped and are hurt. The dumper does not care about being in a relastionship with you anymore... and they continue to contact you knowing that you still want a relationship with them. What about NC with them?

[gundr1kr]

Yes, I will agree with you that NC doesn't allow you to get over a situation. It is a very selfish thing to do to someone if the person you are doing it to has not done anything to hurt you.

 

But what about the ones who have been in a relationship with someone and have been dumped and are hurt. The dumper does not care about being in a relastionship with you anymore... and they continue to contact you knowing that you still want a relationship with them. What about NC with them?

 

yes, NC DOES allow you to get over a situation. Are you all being serious?!?! You are not in a relationship if you didnt get hurt in a breakup. You didnt care about that person if you werent hurt by the ending of the breakup. It is NOT selfish to establish NC.

[thedude27]

I find it selfish to check out with no concern for the other person. If someone made the decision to move on I think its pretty childish to be strong enough to dump yet not be strong enough to face the fallout.

 

Granted nothing is "owed" in a techinical sense but after a long term relationship being somewhat available to answer questions/talk/etc it is the decent thing to do.

 

I've checked out like that before and I was wrong when I did it. I did it because it made me feel bad to talk with someone I hurt. In short I was being selfish because I didnt want to feel bad to see the pain I caused someone.

[Blanco Nino]

Breaking up is devastating no matter how you look at it. I've had someone go NC on me and another that would take my desperate calls months later and just reject me all over again. It's hard to say which was worse. Because on one hand the girl that was answering the phone at least viewed me as a human being worth speaking to. I'm not so sure the other did. Or maybe she did and just did not want to hurt me. Who knows.

[MrGrinch]

I find it selfish to check out with no concern for the other person.

 

But it takes 2 people to have NC... so both are equally to blame. I suppose unless one person actively ignores texts and phone calls from the other then and refuses to give a reason then I would agree with what you say (but that's not how I define NC).

 

My current situation of NC is testing the relationship. I am currently going NC with my GF of 5 months. I've basically had it with her emotional unavailability and unwillingness to initiate a simple phone call with me. I was originally swooned by her beauty, but have come to the realization that as attractive as she is I just can't be with someone who shows little interest. She needs to know I am jaded by her attitude to the point that I am just not interested anymore in making contact. If she wants to be with me she needs to learn how to reach out once in awhile herself and be more emotional... but I will not be calling her and am quite willing to let her go at this point in our relationship if she chooses not to call. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Maybe its immature... but it's the only way I can get a sense of her continued interest in me. Is she just a bad communicator? Or is she just not into me? If she doesn't call then I guess technically she is NC me! LOL.

[thedude27]

But it takes 2 people to have NC... so both are equally to blame. I suppose unless one person actively ignores texts and phone calls from the other then and refuses to give a reason then I would agree with what you say (but that's not how I define NC).

 

 

I'd agree with you there, but I believe NC can be imposed by one person. I was talking about dumper dumps then goes on ignore.

 

 

 

 

>My current situation of NC is testing the relationship. I am currently going NC with my GF of 5 months. I've basically had it with her emotional unavailability and unwillingness to initiate a simple phone call with me. I was originally swooned by her beauty, but have come to the realization that as attractive as she is I just can't be with someone who shows little interest. She needs to know I am jaded by her attitude to the point that I am just not interested anymore in making contact. If she wants to be with me she needs to learn how to reach out once in awhile herself and be more emotional... but I will not be calling her and am quite willing to let her go at this point in our relationship if she chooses not to call. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Maybe its immature... but it's the only way I can get a sense of her continued interest in me. If she doesn't call then I guess technically she is NC me! LOL.

 

 

Right there with you on that. I'm currently in the same "NC" arrangement with my ex.

 

I'm not contacting first which means its likely we will never speak. Even when things were good, it was mostly me calling...if I didnt call she'd get mad even tho she could have just picked up the phone herself I'm tired of always being the one chasing. She isnt that emotionally available and doesnt want to get to attached and be hurt.

 

I dont have a problem with that type of NC, if she doesnt want to talk with me for whatever reason thats ok. I really dont have a problem with most NC as long as initially there is some opportunity to have some explainations/etc about what happened. Its just really hard when you arent quite finished figuring things out and they are gone.

[cemlaw]

I've experienced NC as the dumper before from my dumpee. I thought (foolishly) he'd still be there for me, and to my surprise he just ignored the crap out of me. I emailed him and he responded to a couple. He never ever took a single call or responded to a text. It actually drove me nuts at first because I just wanted to talk to him, but he held strong. It didn't EVER make me regret my decision to break up with him though. After about 2 weeks I quit trying to contact him and have never heard from him again.

 

I am now going through NC as the dumpee, but I am the one doing it (ok, so I broke it last weekend... but altogether it has been about 22 days of NC over a 2 month period). I have never had someone dump me and go NC though. That has to be one cold, heartless person that could that to a long termer... maybe not so much with a short relationship though.

I don't think it is selfish if the dumpee does it at all though- even when my dumpee did it to me. People have to do whatever they need to in order to digest and then heal from a break up.

[Swany89]

My ex boyfriend broke up with my almost four months ago after a 2.5 year relationship and he pulled the whole "I want to live life without you for a few months" "It is too painful for me to be around you" "I want to figure out my feelings" a month after we broke up.

 

So, I walked away from him and haven't seen or talked to him for almost three months. But I am really close with his mom and we get together once a month to have breakfast and talk, and she told me that he was a new girlfriend. Which I knew about from friends telling me... so I get the feeling my ex left me for her and that is why he wanted nothing to do with me. Which hurt so much at first, but I am sick of living my life around his...so I will be seeing him for the first time this Saturday. And I am not even going to let the fact that he is in the same place as me phase me...

 

I was just surprised that he, being the dumper, pulled the whole no contact thing on me.

[anbreeuh]

I decided to start a new thread because I wanted to know if anyone had NC done to them? How did it make you feel? And what did you do about it? Please be sure to add why you feel the NC was done to you. Did you do something to hurt someone to make them do it to you... or did the person do it to you unfairly.

 

I am hoping to get both stories here from both men and women... one where someone was really wrong and hurtful to someone so the person cut them out by using NC and also stories of how someone did it to you for no reason other than they wanted to end the relationship and not give you the benefit of an explanation.

 

Thanks!

 

As a young lady, I had someone tell me after three years that I was "dead to them." He insisted on no contact. It's been a year, and it's only made me think about him more. I sometimes hate him for it, but that's just me being bitter.

[veneratio]

I've gotta agree to an extent. This isn't the case for every situation, but for my own it is. It's been over a year, will be two years coming up that my ex and I have been broken up. It was mostly her initiating NC. Though all that time has passed, she's still "afraid" of getting close to me. I feel as if NC hasn't helped the situation at all, all it's done is allow her to bury her feelings rather than face them head on.

 

To answer the OP. Been through NC twice. The first time I felt like it was done selfishly and could've been handled better and differently. The second time around it was needed.

[ladybug726]

My ex treated me like dirt for a year, so I finally said enough is enough and pulled the plug on him.

 

Didn't stick with NC indefinitely, and I regret getting back in touch (he was the one begging for contact). But I booted him right back to where he slithered out of.

 

NC has been WONDERFUL.