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My girlfriend won't have sex with me...


TheSprout

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Hi, I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 20. We've been together for just over two months and we saw a lot of each other two more prior to the relationship starting.

 

Now I know we've not been together very long and sometimes I feel like I'm jumping the gun and I feel like a bad guy for expecting sex, especially if its too soon for her.

 

However, before we made it official, I had heard that she used to have a lot of casual sex, I didn't let it bother me but now I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me as we have never had sex.

 

I have tried many ways to move things further, and on one occasion she let me touch her, but not for very long.

 

I have tried talking to her about it but I usually don't get a responce or I get told to be quiet or she is blunt with me. One time she did, however, tell me I'd be very disappointed if we had sex and shes worried I'd finish her; obviously I reassured her I am not with her for sex and that I love the person she is and nothing could break us up.

 

There isn't anything disappointing about her, our relationship has got to be the most enjoyable one I've ever had.

 

I feel horrible in many ways, selfish, low selfesteme, unattractive and upset.

I also haven't felt those things in any other relationship in the past and I've convinced myself I'm doing something wrong.

 

My girlfriend also constantly tells me the opposite of what I feel and that I am an amazing person.

 

I haven't been in a situation like this before and I need some advice to see me through it, the last thing I want to do is upset her and risk losing what we have.

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I think a couple months is plenty of time, but I guess everyone's different. I guess just keep reassuring her that's not all you want, and decide how long you're willing to wait. You have your needs too, so don't feel bad about it if she won't give it up eventually and you decide to dump her.

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Ok just to make it clear hear say is hear say, don't assume till you have proof. And even if she did have casual before maybe she really likes you and doesn't want to be all about sex.

 

I would talk to her about it because holding it in is only gonna make you more concerned and angry

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I think that if she doesn't want to have sex because she thinks it is too early then that should be respected despite anything she may have done in the past - people have a right to do that.

 

But if she doesn't want to have sex because of some reason such as not attracted to you or some psychological issue then you will need to know.

 

So ask her to level with you and tell you the real reason. Don't put pressure on her to have sex - but just ask for clarification. .

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Well she may be a 'casual sex' type of person... but maybe she doesn't want that with you? She probably just wants a more meaningful relationship and based on her past is afraid that sex will take away from that. So she might have decided to not have any sex until she knows it won't affect the relationship as it is...

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I think that if she doesn't want to have sex because she thinks it is too early then that should be respected despite anything she may have done in the past - people have a right to do that.

 

But if she doesn't want to have sex because of some reason such as not attracted to you or some psychological issue then you will need to know.

 

So ask her to level with you and tell you the real reason. Don't put pressure on her to have sex - but just ask for clarification. .

I agree with DN..... Try figuring out what her hangup is on it and that'll tell you what you need to do maybe.

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Some people see casual sex and sex with a person they care about in two different ways. Casual sex they dont' care what the people think of them and will give it up easily but that can change when they are with someone they care about and don't want it to be all about sex like it was with their casual fling.

 

However as others have pointed out you are merely speculating on going off of rumors pretty much so you don't even know if that is true or not about her having casual sex. So before assuming maybe you should talk to her about it.

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There is something I missed out on too, she likes to touch me through my trousers and starts kissing me, but if I co-operate I often find myself in the usual position of feeling slightly awkward, I don't get why she leads me on like that.

 

I agree I should sit her down and talk to her and try and get a straight answer but she will try to change the subject very quickly and if I persist or question it I usually get told to shut up.

 

I'm not with her for that and I assure you its not the only thing I'm interested in doing with her but I've always had a good sex life with previous partners, she doesn't know this so I'm ruling out that as a put off on her part.

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If she is touching you like that she is teasing you and that is not acceptable. Tell her that if she doesn't want sex then quit trying to get you aroused.

 

I actually pushed her away once, just as she does me, and she didn't seem impressed, the reason I did it was because I wasn't feeling very well and I wasn't in the mood to be shot down again.

 

I spoke to a friend about it not long ago and I told them its not so much the fact I'm not getting any, its not knowing where I stand and at this point because we haven't been intimate, I don't feel I can talk about those things to her.

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I don't feel I can talk about those things to her

If you can't talk to her about things like this then this relationship is going nowhere. The survival of relationships depends on communication, negotiation and compromise.
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If you can't talk to her about things like this then this relationship is going nowhere. The survival of relationships depends on communication, negotiation and compromise.

 

Well I have attempted to talk to her about these things since saying that but she doesn't seem to talk back. I don't care if we didn't have sex for another two months or until she was ready I just need to know what I'm waiting for.

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OK - when you ask someone a question and they don't reply - wait. Say nothing, do nothing and just keep looking at them. Few people can withstand that and have to say something. If the response is non-committal or evasive - ask another question.

 

If she gets hostile then you need to re-evaluate whether you want to be with her.

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I would think if she really likes you and has had alot of casual sex before, having sex shouldn't be a problem. I would think its weird too, and i am a female. Maybe she feels insecure around you, that will definitely do it.

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She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

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