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very confused/ hurt...i just want to know why?


igotdumped

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he dumped me a week ago...still confused/very hurt

 

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It happened exactly a week ago. I feel so much better than I did a week ago but I'm still sad/hurt and cry all the time. I'm just confused about his reasoning. We had been dating for 10 months. We lived together for 1.5 months while we were in college and then I had to move away, so we had a long distance relationship for about 4 months. I loved him very much and he said " I love you" first and he said he would never hurt me intentionally. He moved here (1.5 hours away from me) about 3 weeks ago and a week ago, he told me that he's too young/immature to be in such a serious relationship. He hadn't been making much effort to see me since he moved back but I thought everything was going good. He just said he's busy all the time and I believed that. And I'm 99.9% sure that he didn't cheat on me. We're both 22 years old. This was the first serious, long term relatonship for both us.

 

We were the perfect couple. We never fought, never had major problems, we were very compatible and he agreed with that. We had so much fun together. I wasn't pushy or controlling. All I wanted from him was to spend time with him and we fought a couple of times about that because he wasn't making the effort to see me as one of the first people when he moved back.

 

One week ago, he said that I deserve much more and he can't be a good bf for me. He said he should be able to meet my expectations (seeing me) and he can't meet those expectations at this time bc hes not ready and busy with building a career! He also said that when are together, he has the best time in the world, but when we have to leave eachother, it's like a part of him leaves. He also said that he told his parents that hes thinking about breaking up with me and they said hes being a p u s s y so im guessing he told them that he loves me (maybe). I asked him if theres a chance that well be together again in the future and he said yes but we have to get over this one first. Maybe he just said that for me not to get too hurt...I don't know. but that kinda gives me false hope.

 

I haven't talked to him in a week and I'm not going to contact him anytime soon. I just want to know, if he loved me so much and cared for me, then why did he have to leave? was he just confused and wanted to play the field and be single again? or was it because that he did not love me anymore? I'm so heartbroken. I want him back with all my heart. I want to call him but I know I can't and it wouldn't work out... Also, do you believe that if it was meant to be, then we'll get back together in the future, (not necessarily the near future)?

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If he is being truthful with you (and I'm not saying he is or is not thats for you to decide) then I think he explained why. He needs you to be around more, if its hard for him to have someone he cares about that isnt available a lot of the time then unless you can change that situation things wont work. Your situation doesnt work for him he may love you but that doesnt mean he should continue in a relationship if not seeing you upsets him. If you both love each other you should have both tried to meet in the middle on that point.

 

If he is saying one thing (he needs to see you) yet is not making any effort I think there may be more to the story than he is telling you.

 

Its possible that time apart will help you both see what to do to fix things and its possible that both of you will just move on to a relationship with a better "fit".

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just to be clear, I was the one wanting to see him when he moved back. He wasn't making the effort to see me (he was busy) or at least he didn't seem needy/wanting to see me. I expected to see him more often now that we were closer to eachother but I also understood when he was busy and wasn't able to see me. He's also trying to build his career as he just graduated from college.

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i'd say he's probably telling the truth - that he's just too young at this stage to be serious. it sucks. i'd just take him at his word and move forward. you never know - you two might reconnect in the future. but for now, it's time to move on with your life. HUGS

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  • 1 month later...

but some people tell me thats not a good enough reason and he just said that to not hurt me too much when he was breaking up with me. they say he the relationship wasnt fulfilling and attractive to him anymore. I dont understand this point of view because I know he loved me a lot. He told me he told his parents that hes breaking up with me and they said he's just being a * * * * * so im guessing he told them that he loves me but... i dunno.

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Sorry to hear this. At least he is being honest with you and not cheating behind your back. He needs to experience more and when he's ready you may meet up again. In the meantime, try and keep yourself busy. Do things you like to do and see people you like to spend time with.

 

Take care and be strong.

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You know how people say whenever a guy breaks up with a girl, its because he was not attracted enough on some level. Like it's not about commitment issues, or immaturity, or not being ready. It's just that he wasn't attracted enough to stay around. Do you think that's true?

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You know how people say whenever a guy breaks up with a girl, its because he was not attracted enough on some level. Like it's not about commitment issues, or immaturity, or not being ready. It's just that he wasn't attracted enough to stay around. Do you think that's true?

 

 

Did you see the movie, or read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You?"

 

You sound really sweet and it sucks that you're hurting.

 

I agree 100% with your statement: "it's not about commitment issues, or immaturity, or not being ready" because there is ALWAYS a reason (whether he decides to tell you or not)

 

 

EDIT-- lol , i just read you heard of the movie..my bad

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ya i still haven't seen the movie. I refuse to see it cuz i'm afraid ill be sad. Ill watch it when its comes out on DVD. But i've heard that's what the movie is about. that he's just not that into you because there's some lack of attraction at some level. I don't completely understand it though. I know have a lot of self improvement to do as im very young and this was my first relationship.

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ya i still haven't seen the movie. I refuse to see it cuz i'm afraid ill be sad. Ill watch it when its comes out on DVD. But i've heard that's what the movie is about. that he's just not that into you because there's some lack of attraction at some level. I don't completely understand it though. I know have a lot of self improvement to do as im very young and this was my first relationship.

 

 

The movie wasn't all that great. It was cheesy.

I hear the book is much better, but I havent read it yet.

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  • 3 weeks later...

from my current experiences i feel that people who give those excuses to break up are just not in love anymore but are still very much attached and are too afraid to go on the new journey alone. i don't think its fair! if he's over you then you two should just walk away from it, take time to heal and if you ever think you can be just friends with this person, maybe then you guys can start talking again and maybe that will one day re-spark some flames. but let me tell you, being "just friends" with someone who your in love with is very very very hard. i have no choice but to be "just friends" until my lease is over with my ex... after that i don't plan on being friends, i don't plan on calling, and i won't keep my hopes up.

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igotdumped

 

Sigh, my ex broke up with me for the same reasons. He said that

'he;s not good enough for me, and that he cant reach my expectation. he wanted to focus on his life for now"..but the thing is i never asked him to be someone he is not.

 

we dated for 3 years, hes 22 turning 23.

I think he just wanted to play the field and see what is out there.

 

when i asked him if there is a chance of us getting back together, he said "probably, but we have to get over this first, and he told me to let go for now and we will see what the future has to store for us"

 

I dont understand any of it. I dont know if he is just saying that because he scared of hurting me or what.

 

i have been doing NC for 2 months and we broke up 2.5 months ago. I am still holding onto false hopes.

 

From what i heard, he is doing good and make a lot of new friends. He cut our mutual friends from his life too. i just dont understand how he can move on so fast after 3 years.

 

But yet he haven't pick up any of his stuff ... so there's more false hope.

 

Im just confused!!!! i need to convince my heart to move on

 

i know how you FEEL

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crazy4love-

 

our stories are exactly the same but your relationship was much longer than mine. Mine has been over 2months also. But although he told me there is a chance that we will get back together in the future, I sometimes think that he just said that to not hurt me too much. Was yours a surprise too? When he broke up with me, I was in shock. I think my bf felt trapped when he moved down here and wanted to play the field also. But after being on this forum, I feel like he might have fallen out of love. But I didn't even think about that for a second when he was breaking up with me. LOL dunno why. Maybe because sometimes during the relationship I felt like he even loved me more than I loved him. But no I know that I loved him very much.

 

I say that we both should move on with our lives. I do still have hope about us in the future cuz we were so good together, but I'm not going to hold on to that. Even if he comes back like tomorrow and wants me back (which is very unlikely), I don't think I can take him back at this moment cuz I'm still hurting.

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