Debt - I am going INSANE! Somebody Help!

[toad4466]

I am very worried about the changes i am going through right now, basically my life is filled with high level, highly emotional stress caused by severe debt, I have had personal debt since 2003, and now i have the remainder of that, combined with loads more, i moved in with my partner and we had a little girl (unplanned, and precautions were taken) i love them both and they make me very happy, however my partner shrinks away, and goes quiet when dealing with debt, she would rather hide behind me and get me to talk to her creditors.

I am now getting to the point where i cant take any more, i feel disconnected from my daughter, and i shout and scream and make nasty comments at my partner, i feel like i should be able to deal with things and relax, but i cant!

I want to curl up and die right now, i dont want my daughter to grow up seeing her dad as a failiure thats works hard to earn almost no money, and cant provide for her, and i am losing patience with everything, has anyone else had to deal with things like this? and advice?

[savignon]

I had a lot of debt at two times in my life. One time, I was able to take out a personal loan from my credit union at a significantly lower interest rate and pay it off slowly. The second time I was much more fortunate and was able to work extra hours/jobs to make the money pretty quickly and pay it off.

It is definitely stressful and is always in the back of your mind even when you're having a good day. Sit down with your partner and explain to her that you both need to be adults about this and problem solve together. Make a budget to determine how much you each spend a month (car, insurance, rent, groceries, going out) and how much you have each month to put toward your debt. See if there's any way for you to come up with some extra cash (yard sale?, loan from parents?, credit union loan? extra hours at work?)....Let's say you owe $1,000 and can pay $100/month...you know you'll be in this for the next year. Make a time frame and even if the "payoff date" is far away, you know you're working towards it and it might create less "in the back of your mind" stress. Each month you'll be closer to paying off.

You'll need your partner to be a part of this or it will do irreprable damage to your relationship. Is the debt mostly hers? If that's the case and things don't work out, she'll be stuck to deal with it on her own so it's in her best interest to face the music now and come up with a plan. As for your daughter, you know it's not her fault and that she doesn't deserve the brunt of your frustration, so when she gets on your nerves, take a deep breath and literally count to 10 before you say anything. That usually works for most people.

Best wishes...I certainly know how stressful and never-ending it feels. You will come out of it, though.

[CluelessGuy321]

I'm opposite of you. No kids or partner, and enormous amounts of cash available.

 

I'm a saver though. What is your income to debt ratio?

 

What sort of structure are you using to pay off the debt, and how/how often are you incurring new debt?

[toad4466]

basically 1800 in a month and 2000 needed to be paid out.

The only structure i have is, dont pay out for any reason!

[savignon]

So, you're missing about $200/month? That should be solveable somehow. How about some of the ideas in my original response?? Would any of those work for you?

[Tamoko]

I have a massive amount of debt since I was 19 along side of a college loan, monthly cell phone bill, an apartment, and I lost my job 2 months ago and unemployment still has yet to approve me..!

 

After a few years the companies sent my account information to a creditor and I received some mail from different business that I owed money to stating I only had to pay 1/4th of my bill because I haven't paid in so long--I did and now they're off my back.

 

After a while they do stop calling and the mail man stops bringing the bills..

 

Just be paitnt and wait it out. Don't take things out on your partner--talk to her. And spend time with your children.

 

The best thing is to handle one bill at a time. Many companies--even collection companies are more then willing to work out a payment plan with you to ensure you don't struggle and they get their money.

 

And your woman needs to grow some balls and take care of her own stuff. I understand you are together but you have to deal with your own too, right? It's nerve wrecking but you get used to it after a while.

[COtuner]

One of my friends used Dave Ramsey as a way to get himself out of debt. It has been very successful for him.

 

I took a second job when I was $800 a month over my income level due to unexpected events, until I reworked my budget and took control again. Probably ought to do it again to pay off my car loan, actually, even if it's just weekends.

[russ978]

One of my friends used Dave Ramsey as a way to get himself out of debt. It has been very successful for him.

 

 

Dave Ramsey's 'Baby Steps' program for getting out of debt is excellent! I'm pretty heavy into financial planning and I'd alway kind of shyed away from Dave Ramsey since I usually don't buy into the hype...but I checked out a couple of his shows and got hooked at the simplicity he deals with so many situations. Getting out of debt is hard and it often takes an extended period of time...but it is more than worth it! Still climbing out of my college debt but I'll get there eventually!!!

 

You can watch a lot of his shows free on link removed. PM me if you have any issues trying to nagivate to the show.

[tangi39]

I really identify and feel for you. Debt can be extremely overwhelming.

And when you look at the bills piled up, it can be really emotionally draining.

 

Here's what I suggest. First, take a deep breath. Most everyone has debt of some kind, so you are far from alone on this front.

Look at your bills individually, instead of as a chunk. This it will make it a lot less stressful and overwhelming. Figure out if there is any way to consolidate. And also, call these places and ask about their different payment options or deferements. You may find people to be more understanding than you may expect. After you have really reviewed your options, make a list and set goals for yourself in terms of what you can pay off by what time. I suggest tackling one thing at a time, preferably knock out bills with the highest interest rates first. Also, it may help to look into ways to budget your money in general. Or cut back on things you may not really need.

Once you have a plan of action, and set goals which you can really achieve, some of the stress may subside. And you will see paying off your debt as something that can be accomplished instead of an uphill battle you can never overcome.

 

In the meantime, try to relax. After all, panicking won't take the debt away.

Try to remain cool and collected and focus on options.

[thejigsup]

Get a second job and, if necessary, a third. I have 4 jobs and go to school. I work two of these jobs ever day. It can be done, you just may get a bit tired.

[comfyshoes]

The best advice i can give you is to seek advice about your debt without further delay.

Everyone knows that being in debt can lead you into a downward spiral in every aspect of your life.

Have you spoken to your local Citizens Advice centre?

 

I would recommend that you have a look at this link

link removed

and give them a call. They are a charity that deal with debt problems.

I really do hope that you can work something out.