StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm not sure if this is where this post goes or anything, but I really need someone to talk to right now. About six months ago I met this amazing girl, her and I connected immediately and soon after we started dating. I just love everything about her, we just seem to click. Just a little earlier I was talking to her, somehow we got into a discussion about her looks, to which I told her that I really love how she looks, but she disagree's with me. She says while that's my "opinion" she doesn't like the way she looks at all, and she wants to change. I don't want her to change, she's perfect just the way she is, but she just doesn't agree. If she changes, I just know that she won't be the same, and I may lose my attraction to her. What am I supposed to do? I know I sound like a selfish jerk, and that it's her body and all that, but is it wrong for me to feel the way I do? I'm just so confused and I have no one to talk to about this. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 And what does she wants to change exactly? Link to comment
Hayles Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hello! I think that no matter how much you tell her how beautiful she is, she will never truly believe what you say until she can find her beauty within herself... that said, you play a large part in that... she needs to be surrounded with people who love and adore her, who feel and think she is beautiful... A lot of people (women especially) are unhappy with the way they look and they fall prey to trying to measure up to unreachable standards such as celebs, and no matter what you say, she will not grasp that you are TRULY attracted to her as anything "less than that" (in her eyes) until she can overcome this self esteem issue herself! All you can do is love and support her for all that she is... and love the person inside... if she changes the way she looks, she may still never be happy with how she looks... but maybe she will, and maybe its all she needs to truly be happy in herself? Hang in there!! Link to comment
StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 And what does she wants to change exactly? Honestly, I don't know. I guess I have some idea, she's a little on the chubby side, but I really like that about her, I guess she doesn't. But there's also been talks of piercings and tattoos, neither of which I find attractive in the slightest. Link to comment
StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thank you so much, what you say makes sense. I'm always there for her, and I'll continue to be there for her until she no longer wants me there. It just scares the hell out of me that she'll change herself so drastically that I'll lose my attraction to her, and then I'll just lose her. Link to comment
Davie Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 How old are you both? If I may be so bold as to ask.. Link to comment
StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 How old are you both? If I may be so bold as to ask.. That's quite alright. We're both just around 20. Link to comment
Davie Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm sure she looks just wonderful. I think it's just self confidence she lacks. Looks really aren't important. If she truly thinks they are then have a chat with her and see what she wants to do about it. tattoos and peircings.. hmm well if she wants to look better then she is going to regret getting those for that reason. If I ever get a tattoo it'd be small and personal. Link to comment
StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'm sure she looks just wonderful. I think it's just self confidence she lacks. Looks really aren't important. If she truly thinks they are then have a chat with her and see what she wants to do about it. tattoos and peircings.. hmm well if she wants to look better then she is going to regret getting those for that reason. If I ever get a tattoo it'd be small and personal. Believe me we talked about it, and right now we're talking about it some more. She seems absolutely determined to change, but I haven't actually gotten any answers about WHAT. I agree that looks aren't really important at all, but if I think that she's perfect the way she is now is it so wrong for me to not want her to change? Link to comment
StreetSpirit Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 So I guess she DOES want to lose her chubbiness and 'get into shape', which I think is crazy because she's in perfect shape, she's just a little chubby. I wish I could make her understand that she doesn't have to be a freaking telephone pole like most of the disgusting models in order to be beautiful. She also said she also wants to get contacts to replace her glasses, which I don't like either because I really like glasses on a girl, especially on her because I think they make her look really amazing. Sigh...I just can't seem to win. Link to comment
Tamoko Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 We are our own worst critics. My current beau liked to kiss my sides and tummy--it makes me SO uncomfortable and I want my tummy to go away. But I am how I am. Basically saying only she can change how she feels about herself. No matter what you do her opinion of herself will not change. All you can really do is when you wake up every morning look into her eyes and say.. *Sigh and smile* You're so beautiful then kiss her Link to comment
Pegasus Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Honestly, I don't know. I guess I have some idea, she's a little on the chubby side, but I really like that about her, I guess she doesn't. So you think that she should go by what you think of her instead what she thinks of herself? If she is not happy with her own body, she should do the change no matter what you think about it. Also, getting fitter is never bad except when you overdo it - she will definitely get more interest from male population by doing that and her self-esteem will go up. Remember - positive changes are good and getting fit is positive change. If not, Rosie O'Donnell would be a super model..... Link to comment
VerdeShimmer Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Well seems like she just wants to go to the gym. No harm in that. Now the question is do you think that if she changes that she'll leave you for someone "better" ? Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Stay out of discussions with your GF about her "looks" whenever possible. Never bring the topic up, and change it subtly when she does. That doesn't mean not to compliment her looks, just stay out of serious discussions of the topic. Link to comment
turkieblue Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 For what it's worth, my ex from 3 days ago has this same problem. She's not a bean pole, I didn't care, but she did. She's also talked of a tattoo or two, and formerly had piercings in the nose. Support her, but be CAREFUL! "I want to loose weight" "That's cool" "What, am I fat?", or one I had: "I've been sick and lost 10 pounds" "That's bad" "No it's good cause I'm less fat?" "no I mean that's bad you're sick" (wipes sweat off forehead) Link to comment
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